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Grand Forks Herald 

Christopher McComas wasn’t necessarily looking around for new jobs. But when he saw on Twitter that UND was looking for a new head football coach, he decided to go for it.

McComas may have no formal coaching experience (he’s a system integration specialist at Marshall University) and no ties to North Dakota. But his application and cover letter definitely stood out from the rest.

Here is the letter he submitted to UND athletic director Brian Faison:

“Mr. Faison,

I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota

Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I’ve only missed a handful of Marshall’s home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.

All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.

My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We’re going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We’re going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.

I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting UND back on the national map and making NDSU our (b****).

Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.

Thanks,

Christopher McComas

PS – I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach’s office with Coke.”

In a nine-page PowerPoint presentation attached to the cover letter, McComas further explains his philosophies.

“Chuck the pigskin. Fourth down? Chuck the pigskin,” he said.

He also lists a four-step blueprint.

“1. Recruit great players. 2. Win a lot of games. 3. Recruit more great players. 4. Win more games.”

McComas does admit that he probably won’t graduate a lot of players.

“They’ll all be leaving early for the NFL,” he said.

McComas also said he hopes the Alerus Center can install an air raid siren for his offense.

Faison hasn’t indicated what type of coach he wants to hire, but if he’s looking to “chuck the pigskin,” he knows where to go.

 

 

 

Listen I get this is all a joke and everything…but I honestly don’t hate that resume?  Especially when you consider the only real game-changer candidates in CFB are either sticking with their schools or going to Texas?    I mean it’s not like you’re luring Urban or Malzahn to North Dakota.  Time to play fast and loose outside the box a little bit maybe?   Let’s go over it point by point.

Experience:  Went to a lot of games and played a shit ton of Madden on Sega Genesis.  Beast Moded with Thurman Thomas.  Shows that he can manage and win with talent, like a Phil Jackson type.  Not the easiest thing to do.

More impressively though,  took a decent MAC school in NCAA football on Playstation and turned them into a perennial national powerhouse in which a 3rd string QB was getting drafted first round to the NFL.  Ever heard of it?    I don’t even think Saban could do that?

Coaching Philosophy:  Personally I think this is where he really leaps over any other potential candidate. What is football all about these days?  Offense.  Offense.  Offense.  And frankly you just can’t get any more offensive minded than a team mantra of Chuck the Pigskin.  Fourth down?  Chuck the Pigskin.  Put it on shirts, put it on the locker room walls.  We chuckin the pigskin bitches.  AIR RAID all over the stadium.  Make Chip Kelly look like a conservative defensive guru from the 70s.

But that’s not even his strongest attribute.  Because everyone knows the college game lives and dies with recruiting.  And what’s Coach McComas’s stance on that?  Recruit great players.  Win a lot of games.  Recruit more great players.  Win more games.  Boom.  Simple.  Love it.  Oh and don’t even worry about graduation rates.  What is this fucking Yale?  Nobody came here to play school.  Came here to win trophies.

 

HIRE MCCOMAS!

 

 

 

PS – All in all I’d say that resume is one of the top 25 funniest things I’ve ever read.  Need to hire this guy to be a Barstool blogger and I mean yesterday.  Give him a blank check and his own city after this one hilarious thing.  When’s the last time that backfired?