Editor’s Note: After weeks of careful analysis of statistics, tests, and linear regressions the staff of Barstool U came up with this definitive list of 10 college ranked by their sluttiness. Each pick is explained in full with scientific sources linked. Again, this is not hottest girls or hottest campuses. It’s all about, to quote Sack and Trapster, ”damn, sluts.”
Criteria taken under consideration:
- Slutty Twitter Accounts
- Condom Sales
- Pregnancy Rates
- STD Rates
- Single Mothers
- Kinky Sex Among Students
- Appearances in Porn and Sex Tapes
The fact of the matter is this. If you’re the originator of a Twitter account specializing in gigantic boobs that gets a billion submissions and eventually spreads across the nation, you’ve got a lot of slut in your student body. Plain and simple. Sure you might be some nice wholesome Midwesterners on the outside. But inside you got more freak than most schools do combined. And there’s not even close to anything wrong with that.
It might as well be called be called the University of Texas at Asstin, because when you take 15,000 Southern Belles and stick them on a campus with an the average temperature of 75 degrees during the school year, you’re basically asking for things to get slutty real quick. When you take this into account it kind of makes sense that UT is located in the city with the highest number of condom sales in the United States. Their ranking is hurt a little by the fact that out of all the schools on this list, the ones at Texas are most likely to ask for a ring before putting out, but every good Christian girls know that blowjobs and anal don’t count as real sex so it basically balances out.
Texas Forever, Street.
Indiana’s a flat state, but it’s talent pool is fucking stacked. Slutty happens in boring places. And Indiana is boring as fuck. Other than Orville Redenbacher, the women of IU are the only thing in Indiana that pop. But they sure know how to do it. Alfred Kinsey might have died 50 years ago, but the kids in Bloomington make sure to honor his legacy by exploring human sexuality in their own unique ways.
With what goes on at the Mifflin Block Party every year, kids in Madison could probably be abstinent every other day of the year and still qualify for this list. Not a lot of other schools had any real quantifiable stats about the sexual activities of their students except for Wisconsin. And these stats are more than enough to solidify their appearance.
Massachusetts does it big per usual.
When you go to a school in Amherst there’s only a few things you can do to occupy your time, and UMass does all of those things extremely well. It’s only natural that the hardest partying school in the Northeast has some of the sluttiest students.
This is where you don’t send your daughter. Pretty sure it says so on most delivery room windows: feed, bathe, give milk, DON’T SEND TO MIAMI. Straightforward rules to live by. Way too close to south South Beach. Way too close.
4) Arizona State
Lots of people have trouble paying tuition. Some work nights. Some just pile up student loans. At ASU, the girls really play to their skill set and gargle balls on camera. One headed to the Backroom Casting Couch(very, very NSFW link) to make a quick buck. She even managed to flash her student ID like she was headed to the library to study Anatomy 202. That day’s lesson included the gag reflex and why close-ups of you getting deep dicked on a black couch will cause a lifetime of internet notoriety.
3) Florida State
Two things about Seminoles: love to fuck, hate rubbers. Like most schools on the list, the STD rate in the area blows everywhere else out of the water. Three times higher on campus than the state of Florida average (not some normal state, Florida!). At FSU you’re more likely to get an STD than a parking spot. That’s not a euphemism, that’s a fact. And rumor has it that Tally has its own STD strand. That so many people have so many STDs that they all just combined into some Cloverfield type monster with an itchy dick who shrieks when he pisses. And you know what the best part of all this is? I’m jealous. I’d take an STD fastball right on the chin to fuck 99% of the student body.
62% female population. Every single one is a football fan. Georgia peaches and two for every guy. Sobol’s a fucking moron for going to Georgia Tech. Think he has a touch of the gay. State has one of the highest concentrations of gonorrhea and chlamydia in the country. Everybody give a CLAP for the state of Georgia.
It’s called Slutgers for a reason. When you have 40,000 people on your campus and 87% of them hail from New Jersey things, you’re practically a shoe in for the number one spot. What sets Rutger’s apart from everyone else isn’t just the quantity but the quality. Anyone’s who’s ever had the chance to experience a night with smokeshows from New Jersey know they’re on a whole other level. But it’s not just the Rutgers’ students that helped to propel them to the top. The fact that their school has co-ed dorms and a website specifically devoted to dispelling the rumors that everyone on campus has an STD helped to solidify the State University of New Jersey as the number one school you don’t want your daughter to go to.
Think your school is sluttier than all 10 of these combined? Let us know in the comments…
(all pictures via Google Images)