Pictured: The only natural conclusion
ABC News- High-school freshman Saige Hatch was sick of seeing her peers revealing too much skin when she came to school each day. The 15-year-old saw midriff-grazing tops, exposed cleavage, short shorts. “From elementary to middle school, and then to high school, I noticed immodesty,” she told ABCNews.com. “I really wanted to start a club to bring awareness to it and bring remembrance to what modesty is.” Inspired by her brother’s No Cussing Club, Hatch started the Modesty Club at South Pasadena High School in South Pasadena, Calif., in September to bring attention to her cause. “A shift is coming, sneaking through the literal fabric of our culture,” read a statement on the club’s website. “Our bright heroic women are being made the fool. A fool to think that to be loved they must be naked. To be noticed they must be sexualized. To be admired they must be objectified.” While South Pasadena High School has a dress code that requires students to cover the “range of skin from armpit to ‘The Bottom Line,’” defined as “a hand’s width below the bottom of the buttocks,” Hatch is crusading for a more traditional definition. She said she views immodest dress as showing cleavage, showing one’s midriff or one’s shoulders. Immodesty also includes shorts, dresses, pants and skirts that are too short or tight, she said. The Modesty Club only boasts 17 members at school, but Hatch said the website has helped to garner more than 1,000 members who come from all 50 states and 14 countries.
High school was a weird time for a lot of people, so I’m not going to make fun of Saige Hatch. I’m not going to post the almost impossibly socially awkward picture of the club that you can easily find by clicking on the link above because I remember what it was like to be 15 and not being sure of how the world works. I’m not going to make fun of her parents for raising the weirdest couple of kids without a non-hyphenated last name in the world. I’m not even going to make fun of her stupid fucking brother and his shitty no swearing crusade. This is bigger than that. I have but one simple message for Saige and the rest of her Modesty Club friends: You are all terrorists. Each and every one of you is an enemy of the state. I’m not normally a person who jumps on board with conspiracy theories, but it’s not going to end at midriffs and these kids know it. It’s all part of the master plan. It’s only a matter of time before they start getting offended by eyelids or people knees, and the next thing you know we’ll be watching the South Pasadena Jihadists playing football while a team of burka-clad cheerleaders roots for them on the sidelines. It might seem kind of alarmist, sure, and some people might even point out that taking this stance comes with the implication that I endorse teenagers year olds wearing revealing clothing, accusations I will respond to with a simple “No comment.” It’s a matter of principle. Thank God we didn’t close down Guantanamo just yet.