Can deliver a sleigh full of presents to 760 million children in a single night.  Can’t 360 dunk without knocking his fat jolly ass unconscious.  Unreal.  Should be fun for a bunch of parents who brought their kids to the game trying to explain how Santa can magically squeeze down their chimney silently and bring them everything they asked for, yet can’t execute a simple slam dunk without dying.  Clean it up Nicholas.