So after a month of reading about 500 applications the Barstool U intern search is narrowing down. Enter Sobol our first Intern Pussy hopeful. Georgia Tech kid so undoubtedly a gigantic nerd and probably dates a robot he built in engineering or something. Perfect. All business. Won’t get distracted by the bright lights and smokeshows. Just churning out blogs so kmarko can finally take a vacation. Awesome. Anyway let’s take a look at what he had in store for us this week.
Chick Wins 106 lb Wrestling Title for Mass D2 State Championship
106 lbs? Maybe in your bra!
BostonGlobe — Senior Danielle Coughlin knew North Andover entered the final round of the Division 2 state championship just behind Winchester — and needing all five of its finalists to win the team title. The task began in the 106-pound final, and Coughlin came through, defeating Winchester’s Jordan Darby (freshman), 5-3, to become the first girl to win a Massachusetts state wrestling championship. Coughlin had control of her match for much of the three periods. She was determined to put her team on a path to a championship. “We knew going into Danielle’s match that she was the key to us winning. If she didn’t win, we would have still had a chance [to come back] but one of our guys would have needed a pin,” North Andover coach Carl Cincotta said. After Coughlin’s historic victory, the Scarlet Knights reeled off the other four wins it needed and left Marshfield High School as Division 2 state champions.
Look, everybody knows when you wrestle a chick it’s a lose, lose. You win, big deal. all you did was beat a chick. You lose, and you got beaten by a fucking chick. That’s a ridiculous mind fuck style advantage they bring to the table simply because they have a hole rather than a pole. Boston Globe’s blowin this shit up like it’s a huge deal, which it’s not. I get accused of being sexist all the time but at least I don’t blow up unsurprising news stories just because I want to pump up women’s egos. Lookie lookie, a girl won the 106 lb division of wrestling at a D2 school! She beat a FRESHMAN, emaciated 106 lb kid whose balls still live somewhere near his throat. Color me shocked! Dude just learned how to crack his own whip and he’s still dry firing and Danielle’s been using a straight razor and Barbasol to clean up her ‘stache for 6 years now.
Tell you what the real story is here. The shattered life and tragic road ahead for the pre-pubescent, 106 lb dude she beat. On top of weighing less than Kelly Ripa soaking wet, he just lost to a girl in the state championship. Absolute ridicule coming his way for 3 ½ more years. Thanks a ton Boston Globe! Just propping women up for shitty wrestling title’s while you rip away the balls from young men who haven’t even had them drop yet. He’s a 106 lb kid who likes to wear spandex. Sure he didn’t have it tough already. Bravo. So Brave. So Edgy.
Now stick her back in Jello where she belongs.
FAU to Rename Stadium After Prison Company.
Source – Florida Atlantic is expected on Tuesday to finalize a deal with The GEO Group that includes naming rights for the football stadium, sources have told OwlAccess.com. The deal is believed to be valued at around $5 million, though the term of the contract is not yet known. The GEO Group is a leader in privatizing correctional facilities. Its CEO, George Zoley, holds bachelor’s and master’s degrees from FAU. He has served as a member of FAU’s Board of Trustees and was at one point the Board’s chairman.
This just makes sense. It makes a ton of sense. Way to go FAU! Just accepting what their kids and staff would be without football! Love that they can admit this to themselves. This is like watching a girl start wearing cheerleading shorts that say Slut or Whore. Ultimate self recognition power move. Knowing you’re a tramp and not caring if daddy or half the school knows it. In this case your university is just a funnel for the local slammer and you don’t even care if the whole world knows it. Hell, they’ll probably just adopt the Steelers prison style throwbacks for jerseys. Maybe start calling their sideline refs the chain gang. Horseplay in the locker room is going to get a little different, and I get the feeling the players are gonna tighten up those sphincters next time somebody drops the soap. You do you, FAU. Loud and proud and serving 3-5.
Mom Gets Strippers For Son’s Sweet 16. Gets Arrested Instead of Mother of the Year Award.
Source – Police say a 33-year-old upstate New York woman accused of hiring strippers for her son’s 16th birthday party has been arrested on child endangerment charges. South Glens Falls police tell local media outlets Judy Viger of Gansevoort faces five counts of endangering the welfare of a child. They say she hired two women who did lewd dances for five teens under the age of 17 during the party at a bowling alley. The investigation began after people concerned about the November party showed authorities racy photos posted online. One showed a scantily clad, tattooed woman clinging upside down to a seated teen as others looked on.
How did MTV’s Sweet 16 not get all over this party? Granted it’s not a high end affair like they’re used to but it’s definitely worth some air time. It would be way better than every other episode of that show where kids just whine and snivel about how their new Beamer is the wrong color or how daddy promised Drake but they got Miley Cyrus instead. I guarantee this kid was fucking appreciative to have Natasha and Lollipop wrap their legs around his head and rub their tits all over his face at the local Brunswick Lanes.
He’s appreciative because he’s got the cool mom. You know the one. She’s single. About 17 years older than her kid. She’s always buddy buddy with him. Buys him and his friends booze to drink in the basement. Pops in to throw a condom at him and his girlfriend when he’s got her bent over the couch. You know, the cool mom. Absolute travesty that she got arrested over this. Guaranteed everybody involved had a great time. Totally victimless crime.
Classrooms Replace Desk Chairs With Yoga Balls.
AJC — “I have more attentive children,” Giuliano said. “I’m able to get a lot done with them because they’re sitting on yoga balls.” The giant rubber spheres, also called stability balls, come in different sizes, colors and degrees of firmness. By making the sitter work to stay balanced, the balls force muscle engagement and increased blood flow, leading to more alertness. The exercise gear is part a larger effort to modernize schools based on research linking physical activity with better learning, said John Kilbourne, a professor of movement science at Grand Valley State University in Allendale, Mich. Traditional classroom setups are being challenged as teachers nationwide experiment with yoga balls, footrests and standing desks, which give children outlets to fidget without disrupting class. “It’s the future of education,” Kilbourne said.
Little bit torn on this one.
On the one hand this would have been my worst nightmare in school. I don’t care if you stuck me on a yoga ball or balanced me over a shark tank; I was going to fall asleep in class. You can only listen to passages from Beowulf for about 0.5 seconds before you go completely comatose. That basically means nasty drool covered yoga balls and nodding off and ending up on the gross carpet that’s half fiber and half gum.
On the other hand, kids are fat fat fatties nowadays and a little core strength never hurt anyone. Plus, you know the second that teacher leaves the classroom everybody just starts wrecking each other with bouncy balls. Playing sumo wrestling, dodgeball, and just kicking them as hard as they can hoping it crushes somebody in the face.
Whatever, I say yoga ball it up grade schoolers! Partially because fat kids disgust me, but also because I can’t wait for the videos of kids getting destroyed by these things.
Never Underestimate People’s Ingenuity When It Comes to Getting High
HuffPo — A man allegedly overdosed from smoking his girlfriend’s medicated back patch, Greenfield, Wis. police say. But that’s not how the story originally went. According to Greenfield Patch, the girlfriend, 33, called 911, claiming her boyfriend was having some sort of reaction after helping her apply her Fentanyl patch. Upon arrival, paramedics diagnosed the 40-year-old man’s condition as a drug overdose. They also say they found a crack pipe in his pocket — though he later told authorities the pipe must have been left in his jeans from years ago when he used to smoke crack. The man allegedly admitted to smoking the Fentanyl patch by placing it on aluminum foil, lighting it from below, and inhaling with a straw. Officers found such drug paraphernalia in the couple’s “common sleeping area,” Patch reported. Both were arrested on possession charges.
In 2011, Canadian authorities found a drug lab — the first of its kind — producing the substance. Fentanyl can be 6,000 times stronger than morphine when in its pure form.
I wasn’t even aware this stuff existed and this guy’s engineering ways to extract it in his fucking den. Pretty sure that’s the most innovative thing to come out of Wisconsin since Barry Alvarez. Addicts will build a goddamn rocket ship to get high if need be. If you told a bunch of crack heads that they discovered crack rocks on the surface of Mars, they’d build a ship out of their homeless shelters and suck enough dick to buy rocket fuel to get there in 2 years. Some serious motivation in that crew. Just put some household supplies in front of them and give them a 7th grade chemistry textbook and see what new super drugs they come up with.
P.S. Gotta love the old, “that’s from when I used to smoke crack” argument to explain your crack pipe. Like when you find a 20 in your coat pocket from last winter. Pretty much the same thing.
Rate 5 for I think you found a winner to do your bitch work or 1 for this intern pussy fucking blows.