NY Daily News- Politics has always been dirty, but a new study takes the expression to a level so stimulating that it’s hard to believe. Residents of Washington, D.C., watch nearly twice as much online pornography as people in any of the 50 states, according to a study published by XXX site PornHub.com. Horndogs in the nation’s capital consumed online pornography at a rate of 14.18 videos per person in a year, the study “How America Watched Porn In 2012” said. The swollen number was nearly twice the rate of online porn watching in the horniest state, Hawaii, where 7.57 videos per person were watched. Competition for third place was stiff, with Massachusetts, where 7.52 videos per person were watched, coming before New York, where 7.5 videos per person were watched.The study did not present any analysis of the statistics, but studies have suggested that single men and women consume porn more frequently than people in relationships. Only 25% of Washington residents are married, according to Census Bureau statistics, while about 50% of the U.S. population at large is married.

The number of shitty dad jokes that this story has the potential to spawn is almost too much to wrap my mind mind around, so hopefully this gets published before Rick Reilly gets a hold of it and breaks the internet. You can argue all day long about how demographics and population size might skew the actual results, but at the end of the day you’re still debating statistics from a porn site and from objective standpoint people in DC watch a shitload more porn than the rest of the country. And for the first time ever I’m able to put my political science and communications one and a half major to good use by explaining why this makes a disturbing amount of sense. For starters, Washington is a boring fucking town. It’s nice to be able to see giant dinosaur bones or the Declaration of Independence whenever you feel like it, but with the exception of a few paintings at the National Gallery and our last Blackout most places in DC feature a notable lack of tits. And sure, you could go out to a bar or a club, but then you run into the issue of the people in Washington. The news might have you think that politicians are banging anything that moves and that is absolutely true, but the reason rock stars get laid is because they have their roadies to do all of the work for them. In more cases than not the little people are too busy cleaning up their bosses’ mess to find time to create one of their own on someone’s bedsheets. It’s either that or they’re too concerned about a girl’s opinion on the fiscal cliff to care what her fiscal cliffs looks like with her top off. But they’re still horny, so at the end of the day they go home and load eight videos on Pornhub because that’s how desensitized to life they’ve become.