Blast From The Past Blog: Reader Email – “Coed Flag Football Guy” Sues Kmarko For Posting His Team’s Playbook
New little feature I wanted to kick off because I think the Barstool Throwback button is pretty much underutilized. Blast From the Past after hours featuring blogs from back in the day when we were first starting out. I was in the NY archives today looking for something and ended up reading old 2009 blogs for at least 2 hours, back when KFC and I were first hired to run the first Stool city outside of Boston. We’ve pretty much doubled in size since then so should be a cool way for the newer readers to see some of the vintage stuff. A young kmarko fresh out of college trying to find his legs as a blogger learning how to deal with 50 anonymous assholes with fake email accounts calling him a piece of dog shit every day, not the confident college football roundup blogging polished product everyone gets to enjoy today…
This one is from I think my 5th day on the job. We had just figured out how to use the nytips email account and one of the first things to come in was a dude making fun of one of his co-workers for sending out a playbook for their coed flag football team. What started as a little harmless fun ended up turning into what quickly became the most ridiculous lawsuit in Barstool history.
Check out the below e-mail I got from a friend for a flag football tournament he is in on Sunday. Mind you this is a 1 day event, not a league worth thousands of dollars, this is one of those, “Hey, you guys want to play some football from 11-4 and then drink for free from 5-8″ type of things. But by far, out of the three pdf’s, the defensive scheme is the best. I am not sure but I am pretty sure he just took that from madden 1994, Sega genesis style. Also this is a tourney that does not have blocking our anything like that, it is your classic “5 Mississippi count” and is a casual league with chicks.. Unbelievable…my head exploded… This is unbelievable.. the pictures itself are stool worthy.
I’d like to welcome everyone to the team for an exciting one day footballtournament.. While the tournament itself will be taking place over the course of one day, the preparation we put in the next 13 days will decide how we do in it. With that being said, I am sending out the routes for everyone to memorize on offense and also the defensive scheme. Most of you have played for the Erroneous franchise before, but there are also a few newcomers that I really think will help us take it to the next level.
The first thing I need from everyone is to go over the defensive scheme, shown onthe “defense.jpg” file. We will be running a 3-3-2 zone on defense. It’s color coded to show where girls (in pink circles) and guys (in blue circles) will line up. The box around it is the area you are responsible for. As with any good zone defense, the most important thing is to trust your teammates and not leave your zone. Based on how practice and a game is going, we can always change up where people line up. For the two safeties, the number one objective is to not give up any deep passes. We should also try to talk to each other on defense when necessary.
The next thing I’d like everyone to do is memorize which route goes with what number from the routes.jpg file. There are 10 of them so it is fairly easy. To make it even easier than that the routes are paired up together (for the most part). As a general rule even numbers are to the right and odd numbers are to the left. For example, route 1 is up and to the left, while route 2 is the same exact route to the right. The direction of the route does not change if you are to the left or right of me. As you’ll see on the attachment this does not apply to routes 3,4,9 and 0. 9 will always be to the inside, so if you are to the left of me you will be running to the right, and if you are to the right of me you will be running to the left.
Finally, on to the actual play calling. We will have huddles in very rare situations. Instead, I will be calling all plays at the line. We will have 3 receivers to the left and 3 receivers to the right. Once everyone is lined up at the line I will start by either saying Blue or Red. If I say Blue, I am calling routes for the three receivers to the left. The three numbers I call after the color are the routes each receiver will run in sequential order. For example, if I call Blue 381 that means I am referring to the left side. The first receiver should be running a 3 route, the second one an 8, and the third receiver a 1. If I call Red 196 that means I am referring to the right. The first receiver will be running a 1, the second a 9, and the third a 6. The order of the routes is always left to right. In the majority of games Blue and Red was enough, but this past season there was a team that started to pick up on the colors having something to do with the side which the play was going (not that they were able to stop us anyways). In the event that the defense seems to have any idea what the colors are referring to, we will be using other colors as well. If I say Green it is referring to the right as well. So think Christmas colors correspond to the right. ANY other colors will be in reference to the left side. Please do not be overwhelmed by the playcalling. If this is your first time with this franchise, it may seem like a lot to know. But all you really need to know are the route numbers and the colors, which shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes total. You do not need to memorize any actual play calls, such as Blue 381. There are about 16 plays I have to choose from that only I will need to memorize. If you have any questions at all, concerning the offense or defense, please do not hesitate to ask me. I will be more than happy to further explain anything. And this goes without say, but please don’t share any of the files or schemes with anyone.
In order to prepare for this tournament we will be holding a few practices. There will definately be one on the Saturday (22nd) before the tournament. Don’t worry, it will be a light practice so that no one is sore for the tournament. I will be away this coming weekend, as I’m sure many others of you are as well, so I want to also sneak in some practice time during the weeknights this week and next. Please reply back to me directly to let me know which evening(s) you are available. It’ll be difficult to get the entire team together, but it is fine if even a few of us can get together to practice route running. This is especially important for those of you that have not played with me before.
This guy has to be serious right? I mean I can see how the obvious joke for a meaningless flag football game would be to pretend like you’re taking it really serious. That’s just expected. But usually that joke would stop after paragraph #1. Five paragraphs? With attached supplemental playbook material from Paint? Ok ok let’s assume he’s serious for a second and evaluate from there. Everyone knows that a zone is ineffective in a coed flag football game. You have to play man with a floating safety and make sure each chick is isolated on a guy receiver. Because 9 times out of 10 that guy will go soft on the girl because 10 times out of 10 he’s trying to fuck her. He’ll pull the “oh I pulled my hamstring and fumbled here’s the ball” just so he can accidentally grab her tits and tackle her when she gets it. Same goes for the quarterback who thinks if he floats her an easy interception maybe he’ll get his dick sucked. Now you can never account for the guy who plays no-hold-barred and torches the chick for 8 touchdowns but there’s a wild card in every game so you just have to adapt.
Anyway time to vote, 1 for this guy is serious or 10 for just a really in-depth joke from a guy with way too much time on his hands.
Follow Up Blog….
There was a Reader Email posted yesterday titled “Is This Guy Serious About This Co-Ed Flag Football Game?” While it might come off as funny, the person that decided to send you that, posted playbooks from my team as well as the scheme. I don’t mind being poked fun of, but this is a pretty popular league in nyc and I’d appreciate it if you could take this post down from your website. We’ve been a team for a long time and will continue to be so and don’t want to have to change up our plays.
And if possible, can you send me the name or email address of MikeH3183?
From: “firstname.lastname@example.org” <email@example.com>
To: MV <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 4:35:22 PM
Subject: Re: article
we don’t take down emails
Subject: Re: article
From: “MV” <email@example.com>
Date: Thu, August 20, 2009 5:05 pm
great. you’ll be hearing from my lawyer soon then.
Unbelievable. Is this guy out of his fucking mind? He doesn’t want anyone stealing his innovative pink and blue squares zone defense? I mean maybe I could understand if these were like trick plays but I’m pretty sure everybody has seen the button hook or the post pattern before. Seriously get a grip. The good news is that it didn’t take long for Barstool New York to set the bar with the most ridiculous lawsuit threat in the history of Barstool Sports. Honestly dude suing over stolen flag football plays? Barstool New York has arrived…