Introducing Eden from American Jewish University. Shalom!
Introducing Eden from American Jewish University. Shalom!
I guess this was bound to happen at some point. Like when YouTube video makers were teetering on the cusp of being actual E-list celebrities who fucked each other for additional fame, now’s the dawning of the Instagram famous teaming up to be “power couples” to make one beautiful orgy of fat asses and paid-for appearances from porn stars to make try-hard photos that’ll take daily baths in the gentle embrace of your Instagram likes. Dan Bilzerian and Jen Selter are the most “famous for very little” people on Instagram so it only makes sense they’d cross paths first like some fame-whoring Flintstones meet The Jetsons teamup.
As you may have gathered, I’m pretty firmly team “Who gives a shit” when the attention whoring is this obvious but I still won’t pass up an opportunity to drop photos of Jen Selter’s ass again:
Totally unrelated story that struck me as kind of insane: I know a girl who knows Jen Selter and, yes, this chick actually jams her ass out on photos that aren’t for her Instagram fame. Struck me as patently ridiculous but at the same time, maybe you have to respect it? The butt photo hustle is no joke.
My heart aches for this kid. He’d clearly seen Dirty Dancing or Footloose one too many times and bought into the hype that if a guy dances, chicks will be into him instead of the usual thought process that he’s a total sissy boy prancing around in a leotard. This moment is one of those soul crushing realizations that you’ve been approaching your 12 years on Earth entirely the wrong way. Nothing but my biggest heartfelt sympathies go out to this kid. Here’s hoping he directs this disappointment to sports and school rather than beheading cats or strangling prostitutes.
I’m not feeling that optimistic about his chances. Real supervillain origin story shit going on here:
Pretty much everyone has heard the news by now; the Ed O’Bannon lawsuit against the NCAA reached a decision yesterday, and the NCAA lost. But not by much. Without getting lost in too much legal jargon (the amount of legal briefs I have read today trying to fully comprehend this almost gave me an aneurysm) , the court decision boiled down to this: the NCAA puts a large amount of “restraints” on student-athlete compensation, basically limiting it to a predetermined amount of financial aid matching how much it costs to attend a school (room and board, textbooks, a small, almost non-existent stipend of money for food, and such). The NCAA’s argument was that these restraints were necessary in order for revenue-generating college sports (basketball and football) to exist.
The court rejected that argument, and said those restraints weren’t necessary to the existence and welfare of those sports. Ed O’Bannon’s team basically advanced then that student-athletes should be allowed to get a piece of revenue-generating licensing fees (either through a trust to be given upon graduation, or a stipend) and that student-athletes should be allowed to make money from third-party endorsements. The court ruled the possibility of licensing money for athletes legal through a trust or stipend, but says they still can’t make third-party money. They also noted that the NCAA still reserves the right to cap the amount of money to a certain figure, which looks like it will currently stand at $5,000 a year (although this can change.)
So what does this mean for you, the fan? For one thing, it’s highly possible we get our video game back. NCAA Football 15 will exist if the licensing isn’t so much that the NCAA still makes money. Given how insanely profitable the game is, it probably will. We can go back to our Road To Glory and recruiting virtual high-schoolers within 12 months, hopefully.
Also, the NCAA as we know it will continue to exist. This ruling wasn’t devastating to the NCAA in terms of making money and was really more of a “halfway” sort of solution; athletes still have no share in TV revenue, cannot receive third-party endorsements, and any potential trust fund has to be capped at $5000. I sent a lot of reactionary tweets last night about how we should all be toasting beers to the death of the NCAA based on what I was reading on twitter. I was wrong. The NCAA is alive and well, and this decision is only taking a dent out of it. Mark Emmert, who makes an annual salary of over a million and a half dollars a year and just sold television rights to his new playoff system that clear a half-billion dollars per year, is still claiming that he runs an amateur sports league, no different from your high-school conference. The United States legal system, for the most part, believes him.
It looks like the NCAA is going to accept this decision instead of appeal it to the Supreme Court. The decision is a safe one; the Court, while still a Republican majority, is still largely unpredictable and inconsistent with their rulings. While the court has tended to side with corporate interests in the past, suggesting victory for the NCAA, it is possible that an appeal could backfire and a much harsher ruling against them comes out of it. For now, it doesn’t appear their Board of Governors is willing to take that risk.
What do I think will happen in the future? I think this is a step towards an inevitable conclusion. College sports are only getting more and more astronomically profitable, making it harder and harder for people to accept it as an “amateur” sport. The tide of public opinion has swung largely in favor of pay-for-play, and even coaches such as Steve Spurrier and Nick Saban (don’t underestimate their power), can be vocal critics of the NCAA without reproach. Pay-for-play in our lifetimes is inevitable, whether from the NCAA or some new conference formed by the Power-5. In many ways, this issue is going to reflect gay marriage: it’s going to happen slowly, but progress is inevitable as public opinion shifts more and more heavily to one side and lots of small yet significant pieces of legislation and litigation make it increasingly difficult to stop it. This might be the last we hear from Ed O’Bannon, but this will not be the last we hear of someone bringing up a grievance against the most corrupt and hypocritical athletic organization in the world outside of FIFA and the IOC. So strap in lawyers, and everyone else grab your popcorn. This fight is far from over.
What’s the first thing any of you guys want to see after a long night of drinking? A video of some chick pouring out some Jagerbombs, of course. Nothing says “I’m so happy despite being hungover” like the thought of sweet sweet Jager touching your lips and filling you with its licorice scented passion.
There are few completely pointless things I’m more impressed by than trick bartending. This was a complete waste of glasses, time, and effort but I’d be dropping $20s on this saucy little fräulein all night. Is there any more failproof look than the German barmaid dirndl look? From the hottest little busty blonde to even a girl teetering into pleasingly plump territory, it’s just a great look across the board that no other girl outfit can touch.
Feels like I just had a perfect game ripped out of my grasp in the ninth inning.
This is the Barstool College Football Season Preview Series: The 20 Most Interesting Teams Of This Upcoming College Football Season, 4 from each of the Power 5-Conferences. We’re starting off with the Big 10. All over/under lines via Bovada. Follow me on twitter @CharlieWisco
Hey! Remember when Michigan suffered the most humiliating loss in sports history (at the time, Brazil might have one-upped them this World Cup) that sent their entire program into a multi-year tailspin? And a once-proud program was so starved for success that one BCS Bowl Win in Brady Hoke’s inaugural season and two Top 10 recruiting classes in a row basically meant he was anointed the second coming of Christ in Ann Arbor? Then barely went over .500 for the next two years, his 2014 class wasn’t even in the Top 25 in Rivals.com rankings, and current one is shaping to be nearly as disappointing? And now all Michigan fans are trying not to act panicked and their Athletic Director is giving the ever-dreaded “No seriously guys, he isn’t on the hot seat!” vote of confidence to Hoke? Me too. I have no idea where this program is going either.
A lot to pick from in a tradition-saturated program but I am going to make an unorthodox pick and say the answer is their stadium itself, the best stadium of any kind in all of North America, The Big House.
Best Storyline This Season:
Everything I described above. Where the hell is Michigan going as a program? Is Brady Hoke going to get fired? Is there enough talent in the Midwest to sustain multiple elite programs, or have demographics shifted too much in favor of southern schools? Do recruits nowadays care enough about “tradition” or would they rather play in warmer climates closer to home? Why do I think so hard about this stuff all the time instead of things that matter more, like peace in the Middle East? Why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets? All compelling questions that will hopefully be answered this season.
Set at 7.5. Michigan has a ton of talent on the field, will be more comfortable in Brady Hoke’s system with a class fully-acclimated to his offense and a senior quarterback who is poised for a big year after a promising Junior season (albeit with some growing pains). Michigan has Appalachian State to begin the season, a game they will take seriously to exorcise their demons as a school. Michigan will shoot itself in the foot from time to time against poor teams, but Devin Gardner’s senior leadership should win them those games this year. I’m taking over. Besides, I feel like they are just destined for good-but-not-great 8-4 and having no idea what the hell to do with Brady Hoke. At least that’s what I am rooting for because much like the Joker I enjoy chaos and just want to see the world burn.
Obligatory Pump-Up Video:
Mariners pitcher Yoervis Medina may not be a household name but he should be if the damage from this curve is any indicator. Alexei Ramirez might need to get reassigned to the Little League World Series to get his confidence back up after this one. Just dropping to his knees like a college freshman chick trying Fireball for the first time, emasculation city.
Since I had to learn how to edit videos for Vine a couple days ago and I embrace any moment in which I can apply early 90s R&B to out of context situations, I’ve got this one for you. Go harder on a Saturday than my life, I dare you.