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Barstool College Football Roundup Week 7

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Oct 139:36AM EST

Happy Monday, time to kick the week off with everybody’s favorite feature, the Barstool College Football Roundup.  Hope everybody is as hyped up about it as Lou Holtz.

 

 

 

Clanga mothafuckas!

 

 

Bad news, after last week AKA the best week in college football history, this one was kind of a letdown.   Yeah Saban is pissed about that too.

 

Saban

 

 

 

Whatever, we’ll make the most of it.  Still plenty of highlights.  And lowlights like Paul Finebaum trying to gator chomp.

 

FINEBAUM-GATOR-CHOMP

 

 

 

More pesky little rape issues and on campus hearing?  Whatever, blocking out the h8ers.  Shmoney time!

 

 

 

Full on assault in the LSU game, somebody should be arrested for this.

 

 

Texas season summed up in one high five celebrating something they actually did well:

 

 

HIT-HIM-IN-THE-FACE

 

Auburn had a rough day but not as rough as their assistant coach trying to call a timeout

 

 

 

Baylor/TCU was the most exciting game of the weekend, if only this camerman who got KTFO by a Bryce Petty pass could remember it.

 

 

PJ-BONK1

 

 

Travin Dural with one of the catches of the weekend

 

 

 

Jim Mora and his D coordinator had a little bit of a dust up, no big deal though because he ended up squashing it with a sensual grasping of the cheeks

 

 

 

Still not sure if they softly made out as soon as the cameras cut away or not.

 

 

 

Who needs Gurley?

 

 

 

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Remember I said Dural has one of the catches of the weekend?  Well this was the other one:

 

BACK-CATCH

 

Clemson got the win…and rushed the field for some reason…

 

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But the weirdest thing was the 60 year old bro just chillin on the bench.

 

 

 

 

BAH GAWD!  Suplex city.

 

bodyslam

 

Wait, another awesome catch.

 

CANTRELL-CATCH

 

These 2 need to get a room with Mora and his D Coordinator, just a whole lot of man hugging and expressing of feelings and shit

 

MULLEN-HUG

 

Quick Robert Kekaula outfit update from the Mountain West:  fire flames.

 

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Not sure about modern regulations but back in my day they didn’t let this hair style fly in the army

 

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Love these Texas bros so much.  Such a perfect picture to encapsulate a season and a fanbase.

 

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Same thing goes for Arizona.

 

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So close.

 

 

Javess Blue, awesome name, even awesome-er catch.

 

 

 

 

Charlie Strong might discipline the shit out of his players but I think he might want to spend like 10 extra minutes at tomorrow’s practice going over what “fair catch” means.

 

UNFAIR-CATCH-2

 

 

At the end of the day we got a brand new top 10 and a brand new #1.  Mississippi State, go nuts.

 

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#Dak4Heisman.

 

 

Oh and a quick reminder for the week:  never go full r*tard.

 

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Barstool U Monday Morning Smokeshow – Krystena from Arizona

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Oct 139:00AM EST

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Introducing Krystena from Arizona. That’s how I like to start the week off.  Zona smoke all  up in your eyeballs.

 

 

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Abigail Ratchford Had An Underwear Dance Party And Apparently Didn’t Invite Any Of Us

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Oct 129:56AM EST

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I was up until 2am last night watching USC’s return to greatness with my boy Dancin’ Lou Holtz and thought things couldn’t get any better. So imagine my disappointment when I wake up and see my favorite Instagram girl Abigail Ratchford having some sort of vaguely lesbianish dance party with another Instagram model chick. It’s just kind of deflating to say the least. Would it kill just one Instagram model chick whom we lavish with pageviews to slide into a blogger’s DMs here and there with invitations to film at least? It’s like girls these days don’t even have manners.

 

 

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abigail ratchford barstool

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Sources — read: my dick in an adorably appropriately sized detective coat and hat — also tell me that Abigail Ratchford is single right now so now’s the time to try your “I like ur titties, let me buy you a nice dinner” pickup lines in the comments on her pics. What’s the worst that could happen?

USC Won After Icing Arizona’s Kicker So Lou Holtz Celebrated With A Crazy Old Man Cowbell Dance

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fuscs-defense-didnt-blow-a-game-in-the-fourth-so-lou-holtz-celebrated-with-a-crazy-old-man-cowbell-dance%2F
Oct 122:29AM EST

 

GET IT LOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD YOU!

 

 

I don’t know that there was a correlation between USC barely escaping Tucson with a win over #10 ranked Arizona and Lou Holtz going full senile and celebrating with a gibberish shouting old man dance for ESPN’s College Football postgame but I’m going to pretend there is. Rooting for USC this season has taken years off my life, first losing to a QB who couldn’t complete 50% of his passes yet never got QB spied despite running for 150 yards against BC, losing on the world’s most poorly defended Hail Mary to a backup versus ASU and now winning as a result of icing the kicker after the D got steamrolled all fourth quarter. You play to win the game and the Prince of Persia Steve Sarkisian somehow got it done with mind games today. Not sure I’m all about this wildcard life because I generally enjoy not feeling like I’m going to suffocate every time my team’s secondary drops back in coverage but when it works, it works (particularly when it makes a shitty college kicker flop like the above as a result). USC now holds victories over Stanford and Arizona and should be able to pick up some momentum with a cakewalk schedule the next four weeks until they meet UCLA and Notre Dame to close out the year.

 

 

PS This probably shouldn’t be your defensive coordinator’s reaction when your team completely shits the bed in coverage for the seven hundredth time this season, right?

 

Clemson Fan Gets Caught Just Chillin’ On The Louisville Bench

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Oct 116:19PM EST

 

 

I’ll be honest, when I saw the subject line “Clemson fan sneaks into Louisville huddle” I did NOT expect to see a 60 year old dude getting dragged out.

 

 

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Just goes to show, you can grow up and get a job and have kids and bills and a mortgage, but the college football life never really leaves you.

 

 

 

 

PS – “This motherfucker man….”

 

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h/t Dan

Texas Can’t Even High-Five Themselves Correctly This Year

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Oct 112:34PM EST

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poor Texas.  Finally do something well and can’t even high five without knocking each other unconscious.  #ThatsSoTexas.

 

 

 

PS – Although now that I’m watching it over again I’m not even sure 42 is looking for the high five?  Think that’s just Edmond’s idea of a good celebration, dishing out CTE for everybody?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

h/t @JHarrisonT 

GameDay Live from Starkville

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Oct 119:13AM EST

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Send all signs to @kmarkobarstool

 

 

 

Jameis Winston Linked To Same Autograph Dealer As Todd Gurley

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fjameis-winston-linked-to-same-autograph-dealer-as-todd-gurley%2F
Oct 106:17PM EST

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Racing To A Red LightESPN has reported that Todd Gurley had over 500 pieces of memorabilia authenticated by James Spence Authentication. James Spence Authentication has a certificate system search database, an item with a certificate can be verified by searching for that corresponding number. Our commenter Cabbage tipped us off that Jameis Winston can be seen to have over a hundred pieces of memorabilia authenticated from the same business.

On the Signature Athletes’ store nine items are offered signed by Winston, two footballs, three mini helmets and four photographs.

Each piece of memorabilia is authenticated by James Spence Authentication, so the helmet above has the authentication number J65980.

If this was all the evidence needed to suspend Todd Gurley it’s likely that Florida State will have to defend their title without Jameis Winston.

 

Complete list of memorabilia 

 

 

 

Hmmm, I don’t know.  This doesn’t seem like the Jameis I know.  That guy has a complete grasp on the college football rulebook and just the laws of the land in general.  Don’t see any possible way he would jeopardize his season or football playing future so I’m going to have to agree with the Jameis defenders here.  Show me some proof he was paid or GTFO.

 

(No seriously, somebody send me some proof, I don’t want fucking SB Nation breaking this one too.)

 

 

 

Now THIS story on the other hand:

 

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Yeah, there’s one that’s not really a shocker.

 

Barstool U Friday Smokeshow – Samara from University of Calgary…OOOO CANADAAA

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Oct 105:30PM EST

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Introducing Samantha from U Calgary.  Have a good weekend!

 

 

 

 

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The Viceroy #SmokeShowOfTheDay Contest Is Live. Vote Now!

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Oct 105:00PM EST

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“Girl with the most RTs at Midnight tonight wins $100. RT your favorite girl to help her out.

Also If you want to contribute as a Barstool viceroy email Paul@barstoolsports.com. We are looking for people at every school