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Barstool U Hump Day Smokeshow – Katie from Nebraska

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Oct 15:30PM EST

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Introducing Katie from Nebraska.  Happy Hump Day indeed.

 

 

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Mom Films Video Of Her Little Daughter’s Insults And The Kid Straight Up BURIED Her

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Oct 14:50PM EST

 

 

I hate little kid videos usually because they’re so self indulgent for the parents but holy shit is this lady’s daughter BRUTAL. Just calling mom ugly in 100 different ways, saying her stomach looks like a bagel and that her fat flabby mom arms make clapping noises when she waves them, absolutely vicious. This kid is slinging insults at a 10th grade level so well that we should hire her to start up Barstool Pre-K. Probably a good idea to avoid a boy blogger there, though, just a hunch.

 

 

Also what was up with the random tit shot in there?

 

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I was already on Team Shitty Little Girl even before seeing this but jesus clean it up, Mom. Could have really lived without that one thrown in there for no reason. I’m trying to enjoy your child publicly spitting in your face here, no need to sling those flapjacks at my face to confuse the matter further.

Top 20 Songs of September 2014

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Oct 14:10PM EST

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Calvin Harris, Avicii, Kendrick Lamar, Lorde, Big Sean, everyone came out and dropped bombs this month. Check out the 20ish best songs of the month below, and don’t forget to download the barstool beats app if you haven’t because it’s awesome.

 

Click to stream the Top 20 Songs of September 2014

 

Confessions From Psycho Girlfriends Who Snoop On Their Boyfriends

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Oct 13:30PM EST

 

 

Whoa no way, chicks are psychos who snoop on their boyfriends constantly?  Shocker.  Seriously if you have a girlfriend and don’t know she’s snooping on you or are too dumb to figure out how to prevent it you are the dumbest motherfucker alive and deserve everything you get when you get caught messing around.  Passcode everything, switch those passwords up daily, Incognito window frequently, get those fake accounts going.  It’s elementary stuff.

If you need more examples of how your girl is digging around in your shit check out the Whisper app for some more confessions.

Auburn Bro Creates Mathematical Equation To Solve Basic White Girls

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Oct 13:00PM EST

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Pretty solid equation from the Will Hunting of Basic Bitches.  Seems like he’s got it all figured out.  Definitely don’t want to nitpick anything but I think if we add a cofactor matrix of Uggs to North Face then a zero vector for Brunch with a z-intercept at Beyonce we’ll get a slightly more precise solution.   What do I know though, I’m not the white girl mathematician.

 

 

 

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h/t Jake via Orange & Navy 

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Cassie from UF vs. Taylor from ECU

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Oct 12:20PM EST

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Cassie from Florida 

 

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Taylor from ECU

 

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1 for Cassie…5 for Taylor

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (303 votes, average: 3.08 out of 5)
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Michigan Chose Brady Hoke Over Kevin Sumlin 4 Years Ago Because He Wasn’t A “Michigan Man”

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Oct 11:50PM EST

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[39:01]

 

I don’t know how many people know this, but when Dave Brandon was interviewing to replace Rich Rod, one of the guys he actually interviewed was Kevin Sumlin. And he turned down Kevin Sumlin and ended up taking Brady Hoke, the Michigan guy. And I can’t imagine too many Michigan fans are thrilled now that they know that that was the decision that was made … [Sumlin] was one of the guys they considered, and they didn’t want … Not a Michigan guy, though, and they wanted the Michigan man.  -Bruce Feldman

 

 

This is one of those hindsight is 20-20 type situations obviously.  I mean back in 2011 Kevin Sumlin wasn’t the Kevin Sumlin he is today and was coming off a 5-7 season.  Brady Hoke had Michigan ties, did big things at Ball State, took San Diego State to a 9-4 record.  And Hoke was a huge hit to start off.  Michigan won some big games, Hokemania ran wild.  10 win season. Won a BCS Bowl Game.  So to sit here and look back and criticize is kind of unfair.

But whatever, fuck it!  It’s 2014 now, we have the hindsight, it’s 20-20 as fuck…we can shit all over Dave Brandon and Michigan for making the worst choice ever.  Hey Brandon, Kevin Sumlin, ever heard of him?  Just the second coolest coach in the country who made A&M a powerhouse and churned out a Heisman winner. Oh what’s that, you can’t hear me over the riots going on in your front yard?  I SAID KEVIN SUMLIN IS THE MAN AND HOKE IS A LOSER GOOD CHOICE MORON.

 

 

 

43

Joey Bada$$ – Get Paid

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Oct 11:10PM EST

With his debut album on the way, Joey Bada$$ drops off some fresh retro vibes on his latest single entitled “Get Paid.”  I like this one very much.

This New Orleans Shot Girl Seems To Be Working Extra Hard For That Tip

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fthis-new-orleans-shot-girl-seems-to-be-working-extra-hard-for-that-tip%2F
Oct 112:15PM EST

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New Orleans, go big or go home. The photos, taken by some Reddit dude on a bachelor party, show everything great and awful about New Orleans in one moment. Yes it’s nice that you can have some chick in Daisy Dukes with a tramp stamp diving headfirst into your crotch with just a crappy house plant as cover. At the same time, call me old fashioned, but I think a man should earn a woman bobbing for apples on his dong through hard work, combinations of vodka and soda, and a little bit of elbow grease. Maybe I’m just a romantic like that.

 

 

Unfortunately, the dude in the bro tank seemingly isn’t actually getting blown — merely paying an adult woman to drink sugary shots out of his fly — but the girl is still pretty classy in her own right:

 

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New Orleans: Jazz, great food, and women serving alcohol to already deeply intoxicated men out of their vaginas. These are the subtleties of culture that David Simon just doesn’t teach you on Treme.

Does This Look Like The Face Of A College Kid Arrested For Jogging While Intoxicated?

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Oct 111:45AM EST

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TSGA college student was arrested last night for jogging while intoxicated, Pennsylvania police report.

James Finan, 21, was spotted “jogging alongside Rte. 378 without any light” around 1:30 Sunday morning, according to a Lower Saucon Township Police Department report. Finan attends nearby DeSales University, where he is a business major.

According to cops, “vehicles were observed to take defensive measures to avoid Finan” as he ran alongside the roadway.

When cops confronted Finan, he reportedly smelled of booze and was unsteady on his feet. A subsequent Breathalyzer registered the collegian’s blood alcohol content at .19, more than twice the legal limit (when you’re behind the wheel).

 

 

Holy shit cops, make up your mind.  Do you want us to drive drunk or not?  I mean all I’ve heard about for the past 10, 20 years is how horrible drunk driving is.  Countless ads, campaigns, billboards, commercials over and over and over again. Buzzed driving is drunk driving.  They’ll see you before you see them.  You drink, you drive, you lose.   Constantly assaulting our senses with how fucked we’ll be if we get caught driving drunk.   So all that ad money and government money finally pays off and we get the message and stop getting behind the wheel…and this is how you play it?  Start going after kids jogging to the bar with a .19 buzz on?  Jesus.    We can’t drive drunk, bike drunk, golf cart drunk, skateboard drunk, scooter drunk.  Now we can’t even fucking run drunk.  It’s basically Prohibition all over again.

 

 

 

PS – I’m just assuming he was running to the bar or a friend’s house or something.  Nobody is psychopath enough to get hammered then go like fitness jogging right?