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Alexandria Morgan Singlehandedly Proves That, Yes, Hot Women Can Be Funny

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Jul 3110:45AM EST


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I’ve been pretty enamored (read: quietly collecting newspapers to cut individual letters out to send her a note) with Alexandria Morgan since she did that little strapless bra jogging video. I’m just a sucker for tall hot chicks with pouty lips, it’s a weakness. But imagine my surprise as I came across the above Instagram while doing my usual browsing. A little unexpected A+ comedy to get the day going instead of the usual saucy photography. It’s not all looks and nip-blast photos like this:

 

 

Nope, sometimes you can follow your favorite model on Vine and get some belly laughs from things like this:

 

 

Ha yeah those are totally different accents! Dr. Pepper does sound different each time she says it! Just nuts, wild stuff, the kind of crazy observational humor only seen this side of Seinfeld.

 

 

Oh man! Total comedic misdirection there! I thought she was crying over a person but lol no just some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. It’s also great because I too enjoy when chocolate and peanut butter come together unexpectedly. Hilarious and relatable, the kind of comedy we all enjoy.

 

 

Omg bae that is not your normal face! You are making faces that are different from your normal face and, you know what? It has me in STITCHES. Might have to go to the ER because my sides have completely split like a banana peel lol. Nothing wrong with a little physical comedy. Charlie Chaplin, Jim Carrey, Alexandria Morgan.

 

Just laughs all over the place and, even better, she doesn’t have to work blue like some of your favorite comedians. Good ol’ fashioned guffaws for the whole family, that’s what I need in my life.

Iowa Football Launches Promotion To Offer Free Tuition To 5 Students Who Buy Season Tickets…Immediately Cancels It Because It’s Illegal

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Jul 3110:25AM EST

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IOWA CITY, IowaLegal concerns have forced the University of Iowa to suspend a promotion offering free tuition to five randomly selected students who purchased football season tickets.

Athletic director Gary Barta says he has decided to temporarily shutter the offer after questions were raised about whether it complies with state raffle laws.

Iowa says the free tuition package is worth roughly $8,000. The award also can be used to cover fees, books and related supplies for the upcoming fall and spring semesters.

The Hawkeyes also were planning prizes such as $500 in school supplies and $1,000 gift cards to a local grocery store chain in an effort to boost lagging student ticket sales.

Iowa has seen those numbers drop from 10,000 to roughly 7,000 in less than two years.

 

 

 

Poor fucking Iowa.  Just desperately struggling for relevance and shooting themselves right in the foot.    Launch this huge promotion and become the top story in all of college football yesterday.  The talk of the town.  A big story on all the afternoon talk shows.  Iowa this, Iowa that, Iowa in everyone’s mouth.  Annndd cancel it less than 24 hours later because you did 0 research and it’s actually totally illegal.  I don’t know what else to say other than that’s so Iowa.  Personally I don’t see how offering kids free tuition when they come out to support the football team is in any way a bad thing, so this law seems incredibly stupid.  But I also know if I was in charge of promotions for the team I would probbbbbably check out the rules and regulations for it before giving it the old go-ahead.

Oregon Football Releases Scratch N Sniff Tickets That Smell Like Carl’s Jr. Cheeseburgers

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Jul 3110:15AM EST

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Oregon football.  No shame in the gimmick game.  Wacky offenses, flashy players, 120 jerseys a year featuring every color you’ve ever heard of.  Hologram tickets.  Foil tickets.  Scratch N Sniff tickets that smell like cheeseburgers.   Ducks fans are so spoiled, could anyone possibly have a better fan experience?  Well I guess a National Championship would be cool.  But you can’t have everything.

 

Hey Oregon.  Save your scented meat tickets.  Let me sit in a box with all the Carl’s Jr. girls instead and I’ll buy every fucking ticket you got.

 

 

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Female Firefighter Gets $60K After Her Boss Slapped Her Ass And Yelled “Badonkadonk!” In The Fire Station

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Jul 319:35AM EST

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Daily Mail - A female volunteer firefighter has been awarded $60,000 after a male lieutenant slapped her on the bottom.

Single-mom Beatrice Lozada, 35, brought a sexual harassment claim against Elmont Volunteer Fire Department.

She filed the Division of Human Rights complaint in 2011 saying he repeatedly slapped her bottom and while shouting ‘badonkadonk’ – which is slang for buttocks and a term Urban Dictionary describes as ‘an extremely curvaceous behind.’

‘They made a lot of comments about my body. I have a very big butt and they would make a lot of comments about that,’ Lozada told The Post on Wednesday.

She said she tried to dress as unattractively as she could for the role to not attract attention.

‘I had to dress like a boy, talk like a boy, because I wanted to be as unattractive as possible,’ she said. ‘They said badonkadonk. They would say, ‘You have a fat a**.’

 

 

 

Ugh, fucking sexual harrassment these days.    It’s like you can’t even flatter a co-worker anymore without getting thrown into court and exposed as some sort of misogynistic prick.   Can’t even compliment a nice body feature without having some judge throw the book at you.  Probably Sam Ponder’s fault somehow.  Listen I get it, you can’t just go around making the women in your workplace feel uncomfortable all day.  Can’t make them feel like they’re in an unsafe environment or that they aren’t respected.  That’s how you breed the Ray Rice’s of the world that don’t respect women and knock them out during every little disagreement.  But a little pat on the tush and a Badonkadonk chant?  That needs a Human Rights complaint?   So sensitive.  Come on.  You got an extremely curvaceous behind.  Embrace it and let’s fight some fires.

 

 

 

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Alexa from USC

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Jul 319:00AM EST

 

 

Introducing Alexa from USC.  Trojans burning the place down as usual.

Bastille – Pompeii (Slander Heaven Trap Edit)

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Jul 309:00PM EST

Trap wizards Slander run it back with their latest release, lending Bastille’s “Pompeii” the remix touch that’s got the LA-based production duo blowing up real quick.

More from Slander

PornHub Made A New Site Called Fapworthy That Uses Upworthy Headlines For Their Porn Videos

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Jul 307:00PM EST

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In case you don’t have any liberal friends clogging your feeds with slacktivist nonsense, Upworthy is one of the first sites that exist entirely because of Facebook shares and their resulting traffic. Even if you’re not familiar, some of their usual headlines which look something like “Married Dude Is Shocked Woman He Sexually Harassed Stands Up To Him, Takes Him Down, And Tapes It All” or “These Women Once Wanted To Shed Their Skin; You Won’t Believe Their Reasoning” definitely will look familiar since every site on Earth has adopted some form of it.

 

Enter PornHub, a site with very little inspirational content. How can we make it more of a mainstream media destination? Easy, with these inspirational stories crafted by the cleverly named Fapworthy.org that actually link to porn videos with similarly related subject matter. It’s one of my favorite real things the Internet has done in a while.

 

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Now this is the future of the Internet. A world where it’s not a crime to admit you watch porn in front of a large group. A future where you can accidentally click “Like” on the completely pointless share buttons on your favorite porn site without your entire world crumbling around you as a result. A place where you can be inspired yet still leave a Holocaust of your potential future children in a trusty sock that now has the texture of cardboard. Dream along with me, gentlemen. Let the glow of shameless pornography consumption shine through.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Bailey from Michigan

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Jul 305:45PM EST

 

 

Introducing Bailey from Michigan.  Currently top 10 in Smokesmash, and for good reason.

This Drunk Girl Fails Compilation Is Like A Sweet Nectar From The Internet Gods

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Jul 304:50PM EST

Warning: There’s some partial nudity of good and bad varieties here so be careful before clicking play.

 

I’m usually not much for these “fail compilation” videos; most of them you’ve seen before and it’s just an easy way for lazy YouTube channels to pick up some views. But I have to say that this compilation titled “The Ultimate Drunk Girl Fails Compilation (NSFW)” held my attention from start to finish. It was like one of those infomercials for a Greatest Hits album, just hit after hit, each one more enjoyable than the last. For just $19.99 paid in three monthly installments you can relive the magic of:

 

Cute Chick Paralyzed After Falling Ten Flights Onto Her Spine

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Hot Girl Tries To Fuck A Tree For Some Reason

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Menopausal Skank Falls And Breaks Her Hip

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And so much more!

 

 

Is there any more paradoxical existence in the world than drunk chicks? Like 97% of all the breasts seen in public, covered in beads or without, belong to some drunk girl. But anyone who’s ever babysitted their drunk girlfriend when she vomits all over your closet or maybe had a white mom who indulged in a few too many Chardonnays knows how much of a nightmare they can be in the wild. But who do you have to thank for best sexual experiences you’ve ever had? The very same drunk girlfriend or the random slob pounding Blue Moons at Buffalo Wild Wings, probably. But then they pick a fight with strangers or insist on making sorority door chants when they stopped paying dues a decade prior and they’re back to being the worst again. Drunk girls giveth and drunk girls taketh away. Nature’s living yin and yang.

Bebe Rexha – Drinking About You (The Chainsmokers Remix)

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Jul 304:20PM EST

The Chainsmokers finally have their first single since the infamous “Selfie” due out next week, and in the meantime the NYC-based rising stars remix pop darling Bebe Rexha’s smash debut into an electropop banger perfect for any late summer party or pregame.