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We’re Less Than 1 Month Away From The Blackout Providence! September 12th At Lupos. Don’t Miss This…

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fwere-less-than-1-month-away-from-the-blackout-providence-september-12th-at-lupos-dont-miss-this%2F
Aug 204:10PM EST

Happy Humpday, let’s take a walk down SmokeShow Memory lane

 

Johnson And Wales

Julia
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URI

Alyssa
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RIC

Leah
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Tickets

 

Providence, it’s time to show what school is better!!! Is it Providence, URI, JWU, or RIC? September 12th we’re coming to take over Lupo’s and you NEED to be there. As always former Smokes get in for free. This show is going to be off the charts! Tickets are on sale now!!!

 

Buy Tickets Here

 

Lupos

Couple Communicates With Nothing But Emojis For A Month To Improve Their Relationship

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fcouple-communicates-with-nothing-but-emojis-for-a-month-to-improve-their-relationship%2F
Aug 203:40PM EST

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Daily Mail - A couple who used nothing but emojis in texts to each other for a month have revealed that it actually improved their relationship.

Alex Goldmark and Liza Stark sent each other only symbols and pictures to see if it ‘altered their emotional vocabulary’ in an experiment for New Tech City. They discovered that emojis are better for conveying affection and positive feelings, but are (unsurprisingly) lacking when it comes to making plans and discussing logistics.

Before the experiment, Mr Goldmark (who’s a senior producer at New Tech City) and Ms Stark downloaded all the emoji apps they could find. The one they relied on most was WeChat, a popular Chinese text messaging service. The pair assigned themselves icons that represented ‘I’ or ‘me.’ For Mr Goldmark it was a boy wearing a baseball cap (‘It’s a helmet,’ argues Ms Stark) and for Ms Stark it was a girl with brown hair.

‘It works best when you can be literal with the icons and treat them like they are Chinese characters,’ Mr Goldmark said in the interview. ‘Each one means a word or a sound that could add up to a word. Like toilet plus paper equals toilet paper.’

Still, the couple had difficulties communicating basic plans. In one case, Ms Stark was meeting a friend for drinks and found out the friend had just had a death in the family. She tried to tell Mr Goldmark not to come (since it should be a girls night), but he interpreted her message as meaning she was sad he wasn’t there.

 

 

 

Oh yeah, this is exactly what we need!  Because chicks were so easy to understand beforehand.  Using “words” and “the English language” and shit.  Now in order to improve our relationships we need to be able to decipher the image codes of our wives and girlfriends.  Sounds fun.

 

Listen I’m not the most romantic guy in the world but I know this – if you have to resort to communicating solely through symbols made for 13 year old girls to add something special to your relationship,  it might not be worth having one to begin with.  Like if you can’t be two adults who talk through your issues and problem solve instead of sending cartoon animals to each other’s iPhones all day, maybe you’re better off single for a little bit.  Not to mention it just sounds flat out annoying as hell.  Honestly I can’t think of a single thing more frustrating than needing to tell my wife or girlfriend to pick up Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper because I’m in the middle of taking a shit and we’re all out and she can’t understand me because I’m using nothing but fucking emoticons.

 

Bottom line, this idea =

 

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Bobby Bowden Says That If His Statue Ever Comes To Life And Starts Wreaking Havoc On FSU Campus He Wants Everyone To Just Keep Raging

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fbobby-bowden-says-that-if-his-statue-ever-comes-to-life-and-starts-wreaking-havoc-on-fsu-campus-he-wants-everyone-to-just-keep-raging%2F
Aug 203:20PM EST

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Bobby Bowden Reddit AMA

 

 

If you don’t laugh at 84 year old Bobby Bowden sitting on a couch telling Reddit that if his gigantic metal statue ever comes to life on FSU campus and starts terrorizing people he wants them to not worry and “just keep raging,” you have no sense of humor and can’t appreciate anything in life.  Bottom line right there.

 

 

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Oh and Bobby also said he has no idea how to order at Taco Bell so he would probably just pick the most expensive thing on the menu because he trusts that they know what they’re doing.

 

Wooh. Gosh, seldom do I eat at Taco Bell, I’m not sure. I don’t know. I guess I’d look to see what the most expensive thing was and go ahead and buy it. Hoping that they know what they’re talking about.

 

 

Wooh, gosh, that’ll be an XXL Grilled Stuft Steak Burrito and a Fiesta Chicken Taco salad for Coach Bowden, and throw in a diet Mountain Dew while you’re at it dadgummit.

Barstool CFB Preview Series: Oklahoma

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fbarstool-cfb-preview-series-oklahoma%2F
Aug 202:50PM EST

Program Outlook:

There isn’t too much to say here besides the obvious that Bob Stoops is a terrific coach and Oklahoma is an upper echelon program and Top 10 desirable coaching job given their history, stability, and proximity to fertile recruiting beds in the Southwest and Southeast. So here’s some interesting trivia to illustrate how good Oklahoma is on a consistent basis: Bob Stoops and Joe Paterno are the only coaches to ever win all 5 major bowls, and Stoops was the only one to do it all in the BCS era. Stoops , not Saban, reached more BCS bowls in the BCS era than any other coach. Oklahoma is the all-time winningest program in the modern era since World War II. I know some people say Stoops isn’t a great coach and shouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as the Nick Saban’s and Urban Meyer’s of the world because he doesn’t “win big games” enough. Those people are stupid and are the same type of people who say they wouldn’t want Lebron, Sidney Crosby, or Peyton Manning on their team in a playoff game. Yes, I am aware that he is 4-5 in BCS Bowls and has lost three straight National Championship games. Let me assure you as someone who is now a Wisconsin fan and grew up a Miami fan that I would love to have a coach who was capable of bringing me to 4 straight national championship games and losing 3 of them. It sucks for Oklahoma that for four of their trips to the Title game in the BCS era, they played two of the best teams in the modern era of College Football (Tebow’s Florida, and Leinart/Reggie Bush’s USC). But I’m sure your multiple bowl wins, Big 12 titles, and recent dominance over your most hated rival can provide you some solace if you’re a Sooners fan.

Best Tradition:

The Sooner Schooner obviously. I always wondered who teaches the person who drive the Schooner on how to do it? Where does one get Schooner lessons? At the University of Oklahoma somewhere apparently. When Barstool Oklahoma finally opens, I hope all the bloggers get to go to a game and get Schooner rides.

Over/Under:

Oklahoma was fairly simple to break down last year. When their quarterback play was good, they were a team capable of being the best in the Big 12 and beating Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. When they were playing poorly, they were capable of losing to Notre Dame and getting as embarrassed by Baylor as a team can possibly be embarrassed. Trevor Knight will most start, who threw for 348 yards and 4 touchdowns against Bama, but if he struggles, will be replaced by Blake Bell. If you haven’t watched a full game with Blake Bell, just know that if he has any sort of pressure in the pocket, he’s roughly as good at quarterback as you or I am. Three offensive linemen are returning (14 total starters), meaning that Knight should get some protection to further develop throughout the season. What Oklahoma will lack on offense is running backs, but running back is the position that requires the least amount of in-game reps in order to be effective. I have no doubt that Stoops has recruited the talent to fill in that hole, and believe it will most likely be filled by 5-star running back Joe Mixon (who was down to Wisconsin as one of his final 3 options by the way. When Oklahoma beat Alabama though I knew it was all over). Oklahoma is a little young at secondary but is returning their entire front seven, so defending against the run will be a cinch and the quarterback pressure will be a bitch for Big 12 offenses all season. The Over/Under is set at 10.5. This season will all come down to Trevor Knight, so place your bets accordingly depending on whether you believe in him or not. For the first time, I’m going to be a pussy and punt on this question until I see him in the first few games of the season.

Obligatory Hype Video:

 

 

UPDATE:

 

I wrote this blog before Joe Mixon was suspended for the year and forgot to update the blog accordingly. That one is that my bad. Also, getting a lot of tweets and emails about Blake Bell being a TE now. Blake Bell is still taking Quarterback reps and the latest practice report from the Oklahoma beat writers say that he is the likely QB if Trevor Knight struggles.

Battle for Arizona Smokesmash Matchup from Hell…Siena from ASU vs. Jessica from UA

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fbattle-for-arizona-smokesmash-matchup-from-hell-siena-from-asu-vs-jessica-from-ua%2F
Aug 202:00PM EST

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Siena from ASU

 

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Jessica from Arizona

 

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1 for Siena…5 for Jessica

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (243 votes, average: 3.41 out of 5)
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“College Football Is Back” Video Will Put Goosebumps On Top Of Your Goosebumps

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Ffootball-is-back-video-will-put-goosebumps-on-top-of-your-goosebumps%2F
Aug 201:30PM EST

 

(via @Orange_Emperor)

 

 

DID SOMEONE SAY COLLEGE FOOTBALL HYPE VIDEO???

 

 

drool

 

excited-baby

 

unnamed

 

 

 

Just made the SEC 2014 Trailer look like some B movie indie project.  Also reminded me there are other teams playing from different conferences.

 

 

 

 

 

Jeezy – Holy Ghost

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fjeezy-holy-ghost%2F
Aug 2012:50PM EST

Jizzle, so hot right now.  Album drops September 2nd and it looks like it’s gonna be a doozy.

Click here to stream Seen It All: The Autobiography or just head straight to that Jay-Z jumpoff.

These Are Sex Facts About Single Guys That We’ll Allegedly Never Believe

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fthese-are-sex-facts-about-single-guys-that-well-allegedly-never-believe%2F
Aug 2012:00PM EST

 

 

According to the video upload, these are “10 Sex Facts About Single Men That You’ll Never Believe.” Small problem: there’s literally nothing unbelievable about any of them.

 

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Most single guys don’t want to look in a girl’s face if she’s busted to avoid reminding themselves of their own shame and guys would want to lie around and do nothing but enjoy the view if she’s not. This makes complete sense. The guy who loves sex standing up seems EXACTLY like a dude who’d like to fuck standing up, too. Probably also claims to have tantric sex and brags about it all the time too. “Yeah the first time I only lasted for four hours but once we got to six hours straight of pleasuring my partner, I knew I’d unlocked the secret, lol.” Fuck this guy. Rating: 478% Believable

 

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The gay capital of the United States is the place single men have the most sex? Big time shocker there. Women are the superego of the delicate balance that is interpersonal penetration, without them it’s like a game of Jenga that’s gone on for hours, just begging for the downfall of society. There have been more surprising endings to videos on ISIS’s YouTube channel than this. Rating: 1000% Believable

 

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It’s unbelievable that it isn’t 100% until you consider that 17% of men are highly likely to turn into disgusting liars when polled for a Buzzfeed video. The other 1% of men don’t have a high-speed Internet connection so they’re just using animated flip books or, god help us, magazines. Rating: 200% Believable

 

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Tough call here. When you’re single, you probably want to fuck a lot because you’ve got a buffet of options out there, steak for dinner one night, lobster for dinner the next, tacos the following. But when you’re single but in a relationship…all that effort getting it up for the same girl for sometimes years straight. Yeah I could see how that might skew the numbers a bit. Sometimes a guy just wants to browse YouJizz rather than have to go down on his girl with the enthusiasm of a dying gazelle at a stream while hoping he remembered to DVR Brooklyn Nine Nine. Rating: 100% Believable

 

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This is the only one in here I don’t believe. The number should be 100%. No condoms or pulling out for the rest of your life? You kidding me? I take vitamins every day, pretty sure I could take a pill that turns my loads into tapioca pudding for that gift from the sexual health gods. Rating: 46% of Men Are Fucking Suckers

 

 

Boom, think I just stole $500,000 of Buzzfeed’s valuation for Barstool by blogging this.

George W. Bush Does The Ice Bucket Challenge Then Calls Out Bill Clinton

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fgeorge-w-bush-does-the-ice-bucket-challenge-then-calls-out-bill-clinton%2F
Aug 2011:18AM EST

 

 

 

Hey Barry, take notes.  That’s how you President.

 

 

 

PS – Love sassy Laura.

 

 

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Diabolical hair flip.

 

 

 

Also why do I get the feeling Clinton’s Ice Bucket Challenge is going to put Bilzerian to shame?

 

 

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Just a bunch of bikini clad whores dumping ice water on his Presidential head while he throws $100 bills into a funnel that goes straight to the ALS research facility.  At least that’s how I picture it in my head.

Lindsey Duke Went To The Beach And Brought Her Instagram Account To Make Sure You Didn’t Forget About Her

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Flindsey-duke-went-to-the-beach-and-brought-her-instagram-account-to-make-sure-you-didnt-forget-about-her%2F
Aug 2010:40AM EST

 

(her friend brought hers too, thank god)

 

 

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Feel like with all the media firestorm around the Browns QB situation everyone is missing just how good Blake Bortles has looked.  And, much more importantly, forgetting about how good his girlfriend looks in a bikini when she goes to the beach with her friends.  Combine those 2 things together and you’ve got what most would consider to be the perfect combination for a sports smut blog.  Never Forget Lindsey Duke, and if she keeps updating that Instagram, you never will.

 

 

 

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