September 15, 2014 - September 21, 2014
In theory, I love Ronda Rousey. I know it’s sort of 50/50 on the site but I love fit chicks that aren’t so ripped that I feel like too much of a bag of shit in comparison and I’m going to say she works within those guidelines. I’m even in on the idea of dating the most badass chick on Earth and wouldn’t be emasculated by it for a second even with the high potential for an incredibly embarrassing reverse Ray Rice scenario. If she can snap dudes’ arms at the elbow like she did Miesha Tate in the below video, I’d talk so much shit anywhere and everywhere just for the hell of it. Real life trolling like you Internet people can only dream about, just 80s movie bully shit like kicking sand at geeks and smacking drinks out of people’s hands while high fiving some other bro in a varsity jacket.
But she’s kind of a broish chick, loves fighting and watching pro wrestling and even starred in the latest Expendables movie. At some point, you hit the line and for me it’s watching her flip bottles like Tom Cruise while those triceps are flexing with all over with the femininity of a rhinoceros stampede. Even though she’s wearing a sexy little dress, this 10 second Instagram video just wrecked it. Just too many guy things she’s good at that I’m not and it makes me sick. I’m all out on your sex appeal, Ronda, and I know that must crush you just as much as your thighs might crush a man’s skull but it’s just how it has to be right now. Love unrequited, a bittersweet symphony.
Hmm tickling also turns me into a ninja. Weird mental illness, maybe PTSD from being touched by a babysitter as a child. Back in on Ronda!
Did this with rap last week and the internet more or less broke so I figured I’d run it back with electro today. Little known fact, I actually have the best taste in EDM on the planet.
It’s that time of year again, we’re back in full swing. Lets look at some of the wildest things we’ve seen in Worcester and Hartford.
Hartford and Worcester, I dont think you know whats about to hit you. The Palladium and The Webster Theatre are going to be taken over October 24th and 25th by the Blackout crew and Dante. These shows will sell out so buy tickets now while you still can.
Barstool Blackout: Worcester – The Palladium – Friday October 24th – BUY TICKETS (Tickets on sale NOW )
Barstool Blackout: Hartford – Webster Theatre – Saturday October 25th – BUY TICKETS (Tickets on sale NOW)
God I love Alabama. The thing is this car probably isn’t even special down there. Like the dude at the gas station probably just heard “fill it up with regular” and didn’t even bat an eyelash. People don’t even look twice when they see it cruising down the street. Oh there goes a Volkswagen Beetle custom painted with cartoon animals and Alabama slogans and a gigantic elephant head perched on the roof. Sigh. Should we go fishing now?
Just a special special place down there. Like a weird version of Hedonism that focuses solely on college football and the SEC.
Kenny Trill who?
Honestly I think Drew Kaser’s job might be just as hard as Kenny’s if not harder. What’s A&M punt? 2 times a year? 3? Always got to be ready to go despite being ice cold on the bench, so much pressure, everyone’s eyes on you as you not only catch a football with your hands but also drop it perfectly straight down onto your foot in a kicking motion. Plus with the defense the past few years you really got to make sure it’s a good one, really pin them back there. No room for error. So Hill can throw for 500 yards a game and run an offense. Can he kick it 47.4 yards?
Does This Look Like The Face Of A Dude Arrested For Beating Up The Homeless Man That Was Having A Threesome With Him And His Wife After He Threw The Hamburger Meat The Homeless Man Asked Him To Taste Test In The Bathtub?
BAY CITY, MI — A Bay City man is charged with a 10-year felony due to police alleging he attacked another man that he and his wife had invited into their home and with whom they had engaged in sexual acts.
20-year-old Michael A. Chaney, told officers he is homeless and had been living with Martin R. Miller, 30, and his wife, Daniela D. Miller, 24, at their Bay City residence for about a week.
Daniela Miller was with Chaney at the hospital. She and Chaney gave police similar accounts, saying they and Martin Miller shared a sexual experience about three days prior. In the wake of that encounter, Daniela Miller and Chaney remained romantic without Martin Miller’s knowledge, Chaney said.
“Martin became jealous after we had a threesome because Daniela started to distance herself from him,” Chaney said.
Earlier in the evening of Sept. 12, Chaney was cooking hamburger meat while the Millers were in a bathroom, they said. Chaney brought a spoonful of meat into the bathroom to have them taste-test it, but Martin Miller threw the meat into the tub in which his wife bathed.
Chaney brought a second spoonful of meat, and Martin Miller again tossed it into the tub water. Chaney told Miller to stop wasting food and walked into another room. Martin Miller followed him and threatened to beat him up, Chaney said.
Chaney told Miller to go ahead, at which point Miller kicked him in the chest, pushed his wife out of the way and choked Chaney, both Chaney and Daniela Miller told police. Chaney said Miller told him he was going to kill him, then he blacked out.
Police went to the Millers’ home and spoke with Martin Miller. He confirmed much of the accounts given by his wife and Chaney, saying he threw the hamburger in the tub as a joke and that Chaney was being an “(expletive)hole.”
Miller told police he asked his wife why she always takes Chaney’s side in a dispute. He also said that Chaney called his bluff when he threatened to beat him up.
“I am a marine,” Miller told police. “When someone challenges me I go into kill mode.”
Miller told police he choked Chaney, but didn’t recall if he kicked him or not.
“He didn’t lose consciousness,” he added, “but I did it hard enough for him to know.”
20 years ago:
Keith what do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to write articles about a guy who beat up a homeless guy who was currently having a threeway sexual relationship with him and his wife because he asked him to taste test the hamburger meat he was making but he threw it in the bathtub so he went back to get some more hamburger meat and he threw it in the bathtub again and the homeless guy told him not to waste food so he got out of the tub and beat him up because he’s a Marine who went into kill mode and doesn’t like when people tell him not to waste food in his own house and kicked him hard enough to let him know nobody messes with his wife or his hamburger meat.
And they say dreams don’t come true? It’s like a Disney fairy tale.
PS – In case you couldn’t follow the story or my run-on sentence here are the Sparknotes: couple takes in a homeless man into their home. They have a threesome. The homeless guy and the wife develop a connection during said threesome and it becomes more romantic (thus laying the groundwork for tension in the marriage). The homeless man decides to cook some hamburgers for everyone. The husband and wife take a bath together. The homeless man asks them to taste test the meat. The husband throws it in the tub. This happens a second time. The homeless man says don’t waste food (as a homeless man he has come to appreciate the value of food). The husband kicks the absolute shit out of him. The end. Michigan.
Source – A weeklong fad diet that involves eating thirty bananas a day in an effort to lose weight is known as “Banana Island.” Instagram users (the diet has a reputation of being popular among fashion bloggers) call the diet “a trip to Banana Island” alongside photos displaying extreme weight loss. The odd eating habit first caught on in Asia a few years back, but if search trends are any indication, it appears to be back en vogue: Compared to last month, 31 percent more users are now searching for “how many calories in a banana” on Yahoo.
One small problem: Assuming they’re not a total hambeast, to maintain weight, women are supposed to eat around 1800 calories a day. To lose weight, they’re supposed to go around 1200 calories per day. But a diet of 30 bananas a day would leave us with over 3000 calories, an insane 770g of carbs and 420g of sugar, roughly the equivalent of six Oreo McFlurries from McDonald’s. That’s a diet I’d be 1000% more in on, really like the growth potential there and you’d lose weight when they have to cut off several of your limbs due to all the diabetes. Maybe a break-even overall.
Either way, I love the hustle, lack of foresight, and complete gullibility from all of these women; all three are major qualities I find appealing in a potential wife. There’s no shame in searching the Instagram or Twitter #bananaisland hashtag and sliding into a DM or two and hoping for the best.
Also, 1, 3, 4, 2 is the order in which I’d take them to Banana Island, Hot Dog Peninsula, and Whiskey Flavored Egg Noodle Gulf. I’m willing to be coerced into flipping 2 and 4, though, little too much delt action on the latter.
Our boy Hoodie Allen is back with the second single off his upcoming album and maybe my favorite track I’ve heard from the Hoodster since “You Are Not A Robot.” Here’s what the man himself had to say about the track:
“Dumb For You” brings out the more pop flavorings of my traditionally blended hip hop sung style. I think for fans of tracks of mine like “No Faith In Brooklyn”, DFY is this album’s closest parallel. Set behind a funky guitar riff and booming 808′s, the song is about all falling for someone and knowing that they’re bad for you — but you can’t help but keep coming back to them.
Stream the entire album here, and look out for its full release on October 14th.