(Drunkest Guy Ever – first video I thought of when seeing this headline)
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A Cumberland man has been charged with drunken driving four times in just a day and a half. John Lourenco, 53, was arrested once in Providence on Sunday and three times in Cumberland on Monday – smashing three of his vehicles in collisions with other cars and a tree.
For the first three arrests, Lourenco was released with summonses to the custody of his parents, until he was finally held for arraignment at District Court on Tuesday. At one point, a breathlyzer clocked him at nearly three times the legal limit for alcohol.
Cumberland Police Capt. Douglas Ciullo said he’d never seen anything a streak like this before — and hoped he never saw it again.
Have a day (and a half) Johnny! Have a day! Four DUIs in 36 hours you say? All I hear is “I party harder and longer than you.” Let’s take a peek at the day and a half whirlwind…
Lourenco’s travels began mid-morning Sunday in Providence, where his Dodge pickup crashed into a Pawtucket family’s SUV and injured two small children. A 4-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl riding in the SUV’s backseat were treated at Hasbro Children’s Hospital and released.
Lourenco was treated at Rhode Island Hospital, where he was put in restraints after threatening an officer and tossing a bottle filled with urine at staff, according to police. Then, he was released with a summons for driving under the influence.
Ok that’s kind of a rough start. Injuring 2 young children while being a scumbag drunk driver. Then throwing a bottle full of piss at the hospital staff trying to treat you. Couple of really low class moves right there. Lot of guilt weighing on his conscience, only one answer, got to drink it off.
Lourenco returned home to Cumberland, where, police say, he began Monday morning with a crash. Lourenco was arrested at 7 a.m. after crashing a Chevy sedan into another car on Mendon Road; he submitted to a breathlyzer, which found his blood-alcohol content at .220. (The legal limit is .08). He was charged with drunk driving and released to his parents.
Ok anyone can get one DUI, and it’s tough to just stop cold turkey when you’re in the middle of a booze binge. Kind of understandable this guy would have the bad luck of getting popped twice so soon. .220 BAC will make you do some stupid shit.
He was arrested again at 11 a.m. when an officer saw him driving an old Plymouth Barracuda erratically on Tower Hill Road. Lourenco was taken to Landmark Hospital, submitted to a blood test and was released to the hospital’s custody.
Hmm starting to sense a theme here. Hey cops maybe hold on to the guy for a little bit and stop putting him right back out on the street behind the wheel?
Lourenco left the hospial and started driving his dump truck. At 5 p.m., he crashed it into a tree at Wrentham and Jencks roads, Ciullo said. Lourenco was returned to the hospital, where he submitted to another blood test and was held for court.
Ok John enough! Stop man! Once you find yourself drunk driving a dump truck around post-3 arrests straight into the trunk of a tree you know it’s time to maybe seek some professional help. Or at least get a fucking drinking buddy dude.
PS – Being a 53 year old man released to the custody of your parents is honestly the most humiliating thing I’ve ever heard.