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This Might Be The Most Brilliant Plan To Sell Alcohol To Minors Anyone Has Ever Hatched
Jul 237:00PM EST


I’m not a regular watcher of this Nathan For You show but whenever anyone sends me a clip like the one above, it’s usually pretty great. And it’s not only great because of the gags within the video itself (raise your hand if you were shocked that saucy Latina little league lady declined the bribe, dec chance it’s only because she was confused on the exchange rate since it wasn’t in pesos), but also because this plan is actually brilliant. All everyone cares about today is the “Do it for the Vine” or Instagram likes mentality, you’re telling me some 15-year-old kids wouldn’t spend their money on Barstool merch so they can throw up Viva hand signs on Twitter for RTs on a bottle of booze they can get when they’re 21 and a legit photo they can use to show off to their other idiot friends on social media? That sounds like a million dollar industry and any million dollar industry that exists just to siphon money out of idiot kids before they become idiot adults, I’m all on board with.


As a public service, below are two of the other best clips from the show to help you decide if you want to see more (for the record, this is not an ad though I’ll gladly take some of that Viacom cash if they want to sling some this way, don’t tell Pres). The caricature one is pretty great and gets wildly racist at points which I’m sure we all appreciate. The one with the kid is equally good, probably because the kid is slightly developmentally disabled but who knows, hard to tell with seven-year-olds.




Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Cheyenne from Coastal Carolina
Jul 235:45PM EST



Introducing Cheyenne from Coastal Carolina.  Can always count on Coastal to give us a mid week boost with a blazer.

Wiz Khalifa – Stayin Out All Night
Jul 234:45PM EST


Wiz Khalifa has just been spewing out Blacc Hollywood tracks left and right these days. In his latest offering, “Stayin Out all Night,” Wiz slows things down, raps about getting fucked up (because duh, what else does he talk about) and is obviously trying to make this one “No Sleep” part 2.



Bro Takes Drunkest, Best Uber Ride Ever
Jul 234:25PM EST

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uhcougars1151 – After a night of fairly heavy drinking, I woke up to find I took a very unnecessary cab ride… Thank you Uber for rubbing it in my face with the detailed map….





I’ll tell you what.  I would party with uhcougars any day of the fucking week.  Friday night.  Tuesday night.  Sunday day.  Any time.   Anybody that goes this hard and gets this blacked to the point they need to take an Uber because they don’t recognize they are 10 feet away from their apartment is alright in my book.  Never change Cougars, never change.






h/t Independent 

NC State Delta Gamma Is The Hottest Wolfpack In Internet History
Jul 233:50PM EST
















NC State DG




Want to see your sorority repped on the Stool?  Send Tumblrs and Instagrams to and we’ll feature it some point during the week. 


















































Controversy On Minnesota State Campus Over “I Heart Female Orgasm” Freshman Course
Jul 233:30PM EST

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Campus Reform - Minnesota State University – Mankato (MSUM) is welcoming students back to campus this fall with a lecture titled “I Heart Female Orgasm.”

The lecture, hosted by MSUM’s Women’s Center, LGBT Center, and the Violence Awareness and Response Program, is scheduled to take place during the university’s welcome week and is designed to target freshman. Samantha Hedwall, the Women’s Center Assistant Director at MSUM, told Campus Reform that the program is a “sex education class for the college age student” as “it combines sex education with laughter.”

The lecture is aimed at freshman, though some are still minors when they enter in the fall. In Minnesota, being a minor and engaging in certain sexual acts could lead to a charge of criminal sexual conduct in the fourth degree.

Hedwall explained that the program touches on the issues such as consent, female orgasms, sexual decisions, tips for partners, as well as “being a man, being a woman, [and] being in a safe sex, same gender identity group.”

While the lecture itself is optional, the fees in order to pay for this event—and others like it—are mandatory. Every student at MSUM must pay $453.60 in activity fees each year in order to fund these programs.



First things first.  If people at Minnesota State U think that freshmen aren’t going to engage in sexual acts because they’re under 18 I think we need to put in a few more school-wide courses that are a lot more important than Orgasm lecture.  Like “What College Is” for starters.  Just give everybody a brief rundown on how it works and reiterate the fact that 99.7% of freshmen girls WILL be fucking by the end of the 3rd night on campus.  Whole lot of fucking.  Just nonstop sexual acts all over the dorms, frats, bars, clubs, alleyways.  So yeah a class about sexual safety and awareness might be a little helpful even for a 17 1/2 year old.  In my opinion.

I will say though that I think this class would be a hell of a lot more effective if it was aimed at the freshmen men instead of the women.  I mean chicks already know they love orgasms.  The problem is none of us know how to give it to them.  Wouldn’t a little seminar on some tips and tricks be more effective and get college started off on the right foot?  The kids are going to fuck anyway, why not make it more pleasurable?  Dudes will be happy they get more sex, chicks will be happy they orgasm, feminists will be happy that the school is actively catering to the improved sex life of young women.  Wins all around.

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Natalie from FSU vs. Taylor from USC
Jul 232:40PM EST

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Natalie from FSU 


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Taylor from USC


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1 for Natalie…5 for Taylor


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Cardinals Catcher Tony Cruz Walks Up To Matthew McConaughey’s Wolf Of Wall Street Chant
Jul 232:20PM EST






The Cardinals and their fans might be obnoxious as fuck but you got to give credit where credit is due.  McConaughey coked out Wolf of Wall Street chest thump chant as your walk up music is a badass move.  St. Louis, playing the pre-at-bat music game the right way.






h/t Business Insider 

‘Real Housewives’ Chick Taking Off Her Fake Leg To Throw It At Some Other Lady Is A Hero For Disabled People
Jul 231:30PM EST




Full disclosure that I’m not giving just to avoid looking like a total queeb: I’ve only watched Real Housewives of New York when forced to by a girlfriend and paid sparse attention so I have precious little idea of the context of why this happened. But I saw this on Gawker and loved it so much that I had to bite. I guess someone’s accused this Aviva lady of being fake, which seems to happen to one of the women on every single episode, and rather than just use her words to fight off these allegations, she broke out props like a Carrot Top punchline to make her point.


Bottom line, absolutely sinister move. Who can possibly continue a fight in a public place with a woman after she not only publicly reveals that she’s disabled but she also drops an atomic bomb in the restaurant by throwing a prosthetic leg in the middle of the floor? No one, hence why all the other white ladies in fancy dresses and ambiguously homosexual men of all ethnicities just walked off and made shocked faces.



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It’s actually shameful how all the people in the restaurant looked horrified and disgusted when she put it on the table. It’s a fake leg, not like she pulled a tamp out and threw it on top of her caprese salad. And, if we’re being honest, it’s a pretty fucking smoking hot fake leg at that. I’m not a foot guy at all but you have to note the sexy shoes, tight plastic calves that’ve clearly spent some time on a theoretical Stairmaster, she even went through the effort of pedicuring her fake toes which I assume couldn’t use real nail polish. She probably has to put on some overalls and a tiny toe paint roller with acrylic semi-gloss like a guy in a Benjamin Moore commercial to get that done. Who are you looking up to, Aviva or Oscar Pistorius? This lady, 10 times out of 10.


Bottom line: Pogo stick can get it.


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My keyboard won’t even let me hit the plus sign enough times for that book title in the last pic, A+++++++++++.

Bret Bielema…Bob Stoops…Everybody Is In Full Alabama Troll Mode
Jul 231:00PM EST

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NORMAN Bob Stoops went on ESPN’s First Take with Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith Wednesday morning. Here are some soundbites from the Oklahoma coach:

On taking pleasure from beating Alabama, given Stoops’ past comments about the SEC

“I appreciate you bringing it up, Stephen A. I have to be honest, it felt good. Because I know everybody’s screen savers, everybody had their notes down, everybody was ready to jump on us, on me in particular, what I had to say, if it had gone the other way. That all had to be deleted. I was a little validated in what I had to say. I still believe in what I said. “At the end of the day we can play with anybody. That was fairly evident.”

“I heard from more Texas high school coaches, on how pleased they were on how that all went. We go down there through Texas recruiting. I was surprised at how many Texas high school coaches pulled me aside because they felt validated. Because half of our roster or more is from Texas. We’ve got good football players, too.”



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AL - Razorback coach Bret Bielema had a few comments Tuesday that might help stoke the fires. Making his rounds at ESPN’s Car Wash for SEC coaches, Bielema referenced a recent camp at Alabama and current offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s actions while at Tennessee.

While appearing on a roundtable with Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin and Tennessee’s Butch Jones, Bielema addressed a question about the year-round nature of the game.

“For the first time in NCAA history, they gave us a two-week dead period,” Bielema said. “And I don’t know about you guys, but it wasn’t dead. Alabama got a way that they got to have a camp, everybody else had to abide by the rules. And for 14 days, we couldn’t have anybody on campus.”



Saban has got to be sitting in his big office right now surrounded by oak and mahogany just sipping on a snifter of 120 year old Scotch smiling to himself.   Definitely has a fire going in the fireplace and probably a cat curled up on his lap pillow too.  I don’t know that’s just how I picture him sitting in his office.  I mean after what can only be considered an Alabama down year his team is still literally the only thing anyone can talk about.  Every coach just taking subtle or not so subtle shots at the Tide.  Every media day, roundtable discussion, ESPN interview, everything.  All eventually rolls around to Alabama and Saban.  That’s how you know you’re at the top, if it’s possible you didn’t know already.  Would not want to be one of the teams in the way when Saban goes on his warpath this season, that’s all I know.

And don’t get me wrong I give Bob Stoops full credit for sticking to his anti-SEC guns.  Has every right in the world to say what he’s saying right now after talking so much shit last year, getting demolished on the internet, then backing it up in the Sugar Bowl.  Completely earned being a blowhard.  But Bielema?  Bret do you really think you should be talking big guy?  What do you think, honestly?



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Maybe instead of whining and crying about Alabama getting a head start on the dead period, you should worry more about not having literally an entire season of dead period.  I’m not a coach but that’s my recommendation.