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Bro Gets Four DUIs In 1.5 Days
Sep 183:30PM EST


(Drunkest Guy Ever – first video I thought of when seeing this headline)



PROVIDENCE, R.I.A Cumberland man has been charged with drunken driving four times in just a day and a half. John Lourenco, 53, was arrested once in Providence on Sunday and three times in Cumberland on Monday – smashing three of his vehicles in collisions with other cars and a tree.

For the first three arrests, Lourenco was released with summonses to the custody of his parents, until he was finally held for arraignment at District Court on Tuesday. At one point, a breathlyzer clocked him at nearly three times the legal limit for alcohol.

Cumberland Police Capt. Douglas Ciullo said he’d never seen anything a streak like this before — and hoped he never saw it again.




Have a day (and a half) Johnny!  Have a day!  Four DUIs in 36 hours you say?  All I hear is “I party harder and longer than you.”  Let’s take a peek at the day and a half whirlwind…


Lourenco’s travels began mid-morning Sunday in Providence, where his Dodge pickup crashed into a Pawtucket family’s SUV and injured two small children. A 4-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl riding in the SUV’s backseat were treated at Hasbro Children’s Hospital and released.

Lourenco was treated at Rhode Island Hospital, where he was put in restraints after threatening an officer and tossing a bottle filled with urine at staff, according to police. Then, he was released with a summons for driving under the influence.



Ok that’s kind of a rough start. Injuring 2 young children while being a scumbag drunk driver.  Then throwing a bottle full of piss at the hospital staff trying to treat you.  Couple of really low class moves right there.   Lot of guilt weighing on his conscience, only one answer, got to drink it off.



Lourenco returned home to Cumberland, where, police say, he began Monday morning with a crash. Lourenco was arrested at 7 a.m. after crashing a Chevy sedan into another car on Mendon Road; he submitted to a breathlyzer, which found his blood-alcohol content at .220. (The legal limit is .08). He was charged with drunk driving and released to his parents.



Ok anyone can get one DUI, and it’s tough to just stop cold turkey when you’re in the middle of a booze binge.  Kind of understandable this guy would have the bad luck of getting popped twice so soon.  .220 BAC will make you do some stupid shit.



He was arrested again at 11 a.m. when an officer saw him driving an old Plymouth Barracuda erratically on Tower Hill Road. Lourenco was taken to Landmark Hospital, submitted to a blood test and was released to the hospital’s custody.


Hmm starting to sense a theme here.  Hey cops maybe hold on to the guy for a little bit and stop putting him right back out on the street behind the wheel?



Lourenco left the hospial and started driving his dump truck. At 5 p.m., he crashed it into a tree at Wrentham and Jencks roads, Ciullo said. Lourenco was returned to the hospital, where he submitted to another blood test and was held for court.



Ok John enough!  Stop man!  Once you find yourself drunk driving a dump truck around post-3 arrests straight into the trunk of a tree you know it’s time to maybe seek some professional help.  Or at least get a fucking drinking buddy dude.






PS – Being a 53 year old man released to the custody of your parents is honestly the most humiliating thing I’ve ever heard.

Back By Popular Demand…DraftKings NFL Sunday Million
Sep 183:00PM EST

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After a huge week of sign ups last week we had no choice but to run it back…yup, DraftKings giving you another shot at $1 MILLION in guaranteed cash prizes with this weeks NFL contest.  First place gets $100K.  Not a bad chunk of change.  And yes, as a matter of fact, your boy kmarko DID place in the money once again last week.  2 for 2.



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Cha chingggg.  Slowly building that bankroll, coming for that hunned thousand this week.


Contest Details, Week 3:

  • The NFL Week 3 Sunday Million
  • -Another shot at $1,000,000 in Guaranteed prizes
  • -$100,000 to first place, top 8,500 scores paid out
  • -$27 entry fee, 42,000 total entries




Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Jordyn from CMU vs. Alexis from ASU
Sep 182:15PM EST

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Jordyn from CMU


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Alexis from ASU






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1 for Jordyn…5 for Alexis


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (167 votes, average: 3.97 out of 5)
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Red Lightning vs. Blue Thunder on Sports Science
Sep 181:40PM EST


ACC - If you’re reading this blog, you probably already know about Florida State’s ball boy celebrity, Red Lightning.

Well, it took him only a week this season to get some competition as the most famous ball boy in college football. His rival — at least we’d like to think they’re rivals — is from the team the Seminoles beat in last year’s national title game, Auburn. In the season opener, Jake Longenecker (aka “Blue Thunder”) showed off his blazing speed and inspired Sport Science to compare his quickness to Red Lightning.




Love the “nudge force” for Red Lightning, such a fucking hardo.







Just waiting for the day he flat out fights an opposing player, throwing haymakers against his helmet and kicking him in the shins and shit.  Meanwhile Blue Thunder is more of an off camera, behind the scenes type guy.  Just casually does his job fetching loose balls and keeping them dry then every so often busting out a 3.6 40 down the sideline.  Red Lightning could learn a thing or two about humility from that Auburn ball boy.




#TBT: Top 50 Songs of the First Half of 2014
Sep 181:00PM EST



Relive the hits on hits on hits that made up the top 50 songs of the first half of 2014.

Click here to stream the Top 50 Songs of the first half of 2014


Chick Gets Mad Guy Tinder Trolled Her So She Stalks His Mom, Texts Her, And It Goes Viral As Feminism
Sep 1812:10PM EST




So the above exchange seems innocent enough, right? This Lori girl swipes right on some dude, he turns out to be an asshole troll, welcome to the Internet. Most people just block the dude and move on. But not this Lori, a 19-year-old college girl from California who must be a real peach. She just couldn’t let these big-tittied indignities fly so she opted to do what any sane person would do: Stalk the guy’s mom on Facebook, find her number, and send her this text:




Which the mom never replied to because seriously what kind of lunatic does this.



As of this morning, the Tumblr post Lori pushed with the guy’s shitheadery and her criminally insane overreaction now has 100,000 likes on there and has gotten her “you go girl”-type coverage on Buzzfeed and other sites. Now I’m all for going back at semi-anonymous Internet trolling — obviously — and I love the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry decides to go to the chick’s office to heckle her after she ruined his comedy show but at what point do we collectively just go “Okay, you’re fucking freaking me out by being so into this”? Between this and the three chicks showing up to bust the guy who was cheating on them at the airport, the liberal girl Internet has now collectively decided that stalking and sociopathic shit like this is somehow an extension of karma and as empowering as, I don’t know, actually achieving something in your chosen career path or life? It’s just baffling to me. Is this the world we’re cultivating? At least get a dick pic from the guy and then send it to his mom but otherwise you’re just as much of a loser as he is. I’m embarrassed for you, Lori.



The guy absolutely shouldn’t have reacted like that, by the way, especially because her response of “big enough lol” was perfectly flirty enough and likely to lead to her sending a picture of them big sloppy thangs over to him within 20 minutes. But his douchey response followed by “Autocorrect!”…I’m not mad at it. If you’re going to needlessly Tourette’s out on some chick out on Tinder, that’s a completely acceptable way to go about it.

Texas QB David Ash Quits Football Due To Concussions
Sep 1811:45AM EST

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CBSWe’ve seen the last of David Ash as a football player, and frankly, it’s the best move for him to make.

Texas coach Charlie Strong announced Wednesday evening that the quarterback is giving up football. Strong said Ash approached him to let him know and that “we kind of saw this” coming.

Strong also said that while Ash will no longer play football for the Longhorns, that doesn’t mean he’ll no longer be a part of the team. Strong said Ash had been a “major part of this program” and that he’ll continue to be a part of this team.”

Ash missed most of the 2013 season thanks to a concussion, and even though he was medically cleared to return this season, he suffered another concussion during Texas’ opener against North Texas. Considering his history of concussions and what we continue to discover about their long-term effects, stepping away from the game is probably the best decision Ash could make. He’s only 22 years old and has his entire life ahead of him.






Man that sucks so bad, to go from starting quarterback at Texas to retired at the age of 22.  Top of the world to just another college kid.   Feel horrible for the guy .

Hate to say it but it really feels like there’s a slowwww shift going on right now with football.  Yeah it’s going to keep generating a trillion dollars a year and billions of people are going to watch it any time it’s on for the forseeable future, but with concussions and head injuries and the physical toll football takes on the human body remaining such a hot button issue it seems to be the start of a big gradual decline.  Studies, lawsuits, concerned parents, more and more rule changes pissing off the fan base.   Really, really hope not, but the writing’s on the wall.  Which sucks because if there’s no Red Zone channel for me to watch every Sunday when I’m old and drunk all the time and completely given up on life, I’m going to be pissed.



Never forget the good times…



Clemson Forcing Students To Fill Out Mandatory Form Detailing Their Sexual History…”How Many Times Have You Had Oral Sex In The Past Month?”
Sep 1811:10AM EST

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Campus ReformClemson University is requiring students to reveal how many times they’ve had sex in the past month and with how many partners.

In screenshots obtained exclusively by Campus Reform, the South Carolina university is asking students invasive and personal questions about their drinking habits and sex life as part of what they’ve billed as an online Title IX training course.

“How many times have you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months?” asks one question. “With how many different people have you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months?” asks another.

In a campus-wide email, the South Carolina university announced that all students, faculty, and staff would be required to complete a mandatory, one-hour long Title IX training course by November 1. Although the email said that the course—which also asks if a student is a part of Greek life or an athlete—was “created by students,” it is actually a product of CampusClarity, “[a] Title IX and Campus SaVE Act education program that combines sexual assault and substance abuse prevention in a comprehensive online training program.”

Many students are concerned about privacy issues surrounding the third-party site. While some questions do include a green “anonymous” bar across the top of the screen, Clemson students are still required to log in to the course with their student IDs and include their first and last names, email addresses, and housing information.

“It’s not that I have an issue with being trained on Title IX,” one Clemson student told Campus Reform in an interview. “I have an issue with the personal questions that are asked, and the fact that I’m told it’s anonymous, but it’s clearly linked to my name, and it’s obviously through a third party so not only is my information that I’m going to be filling out—incredibly personal information regarding my sex life that I have issues with speaking about—it’s not only going to the university, it’s going to a third party company that I don’t know.”

In an email to one student that was obtained by Campus Reform, the school says that failure to complete the course will be a violation of the “Student Code of Conduct, General Student Regulation 8: Failure to Comply with Official Request.”




Sexually harrassing students to prevent sexual harrassment…interesting new strategy.  Title IX just always doing big things.  Forcing students to reveal their most personal intimate relationship details, put them on the computer then send them off to god knows who in the administration is just the latest in a long line.    At least it’s totally anonymous though, I mean yeah you entered your full name, email address and where you live, but you clicked that little green button that says “ANONYMOUS” at the top and there’s no such thing as hackers or technology errors or problems with the Cloud.  If The Fappening taught us anything it’s that whatever you put into cyberspace stays safe there forever.

Talked to some Clemson people about this and they said it was just suspended after so many people complained, and that people were just making up fake answers anyway.  But the fact remains, you shouldn’t have to answer or fake answer in the first place.  Hey college it’s none of your business how much sex someone has and it’s definitely none of your business if they can’t get laid.   I’m paying you 30K a year,  how about you worry about educating me and preparing me for a weak job market and let me worry about if I can get my dick sucked this month?

Kentucky Fans Storm Campus To Line Up For Tickets To Big Blue Madness
Sep 1810:40AM EST







iPhone nerds and UK fans, nobody camps out in tents like those crazy motherfuckers.  I mean this isn’t for season tickets.  It’s not for the opening game.  It’s for a practice.  These people are bullrushing the quad and camping out for 3 days for tickets to a practice.  Not a game, not a game…practice (-Allen Iverson).   I’d say they were lunatics if I didn’t respect their passion so god damn much.





SUV Full of Teens Flies Off Road And Crashes After Someone Lit The Driver’s Armpit Hair On Fire As A Prank
Sep 1810:00AM EST

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NBCA SUV full of teenagers crashed in Idaho after one of the passengers lit the driver’s armpit hair on fire with a lighter, authorities said Wednesday.

All five young people in the Ford Bronco were hurt in the crash Sunday and received medical treatment, the Ada County Sheriff’s Office said. Two of the passengers, ages 15 and 16, were thrown from the vehicle, but none of the five suffered life-threatening injuries.

The sheriff’s department said the rollover occurred after a 16-year-old boy was goofing off in the front seat and lit 18-year-old Tristian Myers’ armpit hair on fire while Myers was driving. The crash happened at about 5:30 a.m. in southeast Boise. Deputies cited Myers with inattentive driving, while the 16-year-old was cited for interfering with the driver’s safety. The passenger’s name wasn’t released. A 17-year old also was in the front seat but was not cited.




Oh man I’m such a sucker for a good prank like this.  Nothing better than really punking your friend so bad.  Like can you even imagine how embarrassed this chump was?  When he was just cruising along the road without a care in the world then all of a sudden he looks down his armpits are on fire?  So he crashes his car directly into a ditch and ejects everyone out of the windshield?  HAHA!  What a sucker.  Fucking sucker.  Get pranked harder bro, seriously enjoy going viral on Youtube assuming the camera survived the high velocity impact that shattered the legs of all your friends.


Pranks, so hot right now, almost too hot.