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Dude Sends His Tinder Match A 7 Page Essay Explaining Why His Penis Should Qualify For Her
Jan 2711:15AM EST

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When it comes to the existence of objects that have morphed and changed, in part
due to their perception throughout the course of history, it does not take long before one
begins to consider objects of exceedingly long, cylindrical, and rounded nature. The reader
has but to consider the iconically Ionic columns of the Parthenon, the obelisks of ancient
Egypt, or the steles of Persia before realizing the true extent to which such objects have
been the focus of ancient, and present, attention.

However, before delving further into the content of this essay, it is necessary to
consider the historical context. What is the importance of these cylindrical forms? What is
their significance? How great is their prevalence? It is possible to argue, simply, that they
are convenient structural forms which provide sufficient support to architectural constructs
such as temples? Returning closer to reality, it must be necessary to also answer the
question of present attention that must be paid to such objects, living or inhuman in nature.
Just because ancient anthropological study suggests that, for centuries of time before,
these shapes (hereafter referred to as “Phallic forms” due to their striking resemblance to
the male member) and their representative bodily shape (the aforementioned male form)
have been readily worshipped, utilized, and indeed used to represent power and the secular
sacred, does not necessarily suggest that they ought to continue to be thusly treated.

To begin, let us consider the prevalence of such phallic forms in the true reality of
history, and then consider the philosophical implications of this prevalence in the context of
Plato’s forms. It does not take a highly educated person to realize the historical extent of
these Phallic forms. Let us begin first of all in Ancient Egypt with the Obelisks. These
monumental shapes were tall, four-sided towers that rose and culminated in a pyramid.
Obelisks were placed out in front of places of great ritual, such as temples or places of
worship, be it of the Egyptian Gods or of the Pharaoh himself. Obelisks, therefore,
represented the interconnection of the divine form with the human form.

To visit a place wherein a obelisk stood was to visit the place of God on earth. Such a powerful association
foreshadows the great importance of the Phallic form throughout history.

However, when considering the Obelisk, it is possible to note that whereas the true
Phallic Form is curvaceous and rounded, the Egyptian obelisk is sharp and pointed, less
indicative of the Phallus as it is a mere act of defiance to the skies. Herein, then, lies the
true point of interest…


Full Essay on Dropbox




Ok first of all the person who wrote this essay isn’t the person who got the original Tinder match.  It’s some random dude on Reddit who saw that request and decided to take an hour and write it for him.  Just so we’re clear, you may have thought writing a 7 page single spaced MLA formatted word document about your dick was the weirdest thing ever, but no – being an internet stranger writing a 7 page single spaced MLA formatted word document about ANOTHER DUDE’S dick trying to get HIM laid is the weirdest thing ever.  I mean isn’t that the whole point of this Tinder thing and all these apps?  That it’s supposed to be super easy to get laid?  Somebody asks you for a senior thesis on your cock complete with full bibliography, you swipe em out and move on to the next.  Some airhead you can buy one drink for at the bar then take home, not one demanding a dissertation of the worthiness of your penis complete with historical construct.

…Having said that I’ve got to say the writing is pretty impressive and definitely informative.  Didn’t expect to learn so much about Plato’s Forms and Egyptian Obelisks this early on a Tuesday morning.  Hope the guy at least gets his phallus sucked for the effort.

Rate This University of Maine Hockey Trash Talk Sign
Jan 2710:50AM EST

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ORONO, Maine A large white banner with the University of New Hampshire’s Wildcats mascot and a large pink cardboard cutout of a male sex organ were confiscated from the student section at Friday night’s University of Maine men’s hockey game.

“The signs in question were confiscated when brought to the attention of UMaine event officials,” Margaret Nagle, UMaine spokeswoman, said Saturday. “Event officials were alerted and removed the signs within minutes of the start of the game.”

Even with the quick removal, images and a video of the inappropriate sign and the UNH mascot banner, which were made to interact by their holders, were posted on social media websites.



I give it an A.  That’s a big time shit talk sign.  Only loses a + due to lack of detail on the penis, feel like it becomes a lot more disturbing and effective when you put the hair and veins all over it.  A big veiny triumphant bastard to really let UNH know how you feel about them.



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Other than that, great school spirit from the Black Bears.

Two College Students Make A Porn Together As Their Final Thesis…Immediately Given an F and Arrested
Jan 2710:15AM EST

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Daily Mail - Two Turkish university students who filmed a porn movie for their dissertation say they underwent a ‘four-year nightmare’ after being arrested for their course work.

Photographer Deniz Özgün, 26, and Elif Safak Urucu, 25, were dragged off and interrogated after education officials reported their dissertation work to police.

Despite having had their idea approved by academics at Bilgi University, Istanbul, the dissertation was instantly marked as a fail upon completion, and the pair were arrested a few days later.

Mr Özgün and Ms Urucu said they had been treated like criminals and subjected to a four-year nightmare of court cases before finally being acquitted this month.

‘I discussed everything with my academic leaders before going ahead, I told them quite clearly that we wanted to make a pornographic film in order to show how synthetic the sexual scenes in it were,’ Mr Özgün, now a professional photographer and designer, told an Istanbul court.

Mr Özgün and Ms Urucu said they had been forced to go into hiding after the university was flooded with hate mail.

The two explained in court how they had undergone a nightmare over the last four years and added that in addition the ordeal was unlikely to end.



Kind of tough to fully understand this story.  Like how were these girls given permission by professors and academic advisors to do this, then immediately arrested and given an F?  Can’t really think of a good explanation for that without all the court documents in front of me.  Only thing I can think of is maybe they didn’t know that the students would be the ones who were actually starring in it?


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Maybe they were under the impression they’d just be directing and filming a live action lesbian fantasy porn starring like, Tori Black and Asa Akira?  Could have been a simple mixup in communications during the thesis discussion, these guys thinking they’re about to be treated to some professional porn stars reenacting their favorite girl-on-girl Youjizz scenes, end up with eyeballs full of these two doing naked fetish shit.  You might overreact and call the police too.  I don’t know, just a theory.   Only thing I know for sure is that handing in an approved dissertation of you naked having sex and having the reception being a failed grade and a trip to prison has got to be the biggest blow to your self confidence EVER.


Dolphins CB Brent Grimes’ Wife Miko Went On An Epic Twitter Rant Last Night And I Think She Hates The NFL More Than Anything In The World
Jan 279:32AM EST

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I’m not sure…and I may be going out on a limb here…but I think Miko Grimes might have a problem with the NFL.   And FYI this is like 1/100th of the tweets she sent last night.  I scrolled through her full timeline of tweets and retweets and responses to people for about 20 minutes and still didn’t get to the end yet.  I picked out the main ones central to her argument but I recommend checking out her profile for the full experience.  There are some full on crazy breakdowns, a lottttt of talk about how painful her tooth surgery was, a bunch of good slams on her h8ers.


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Wonder how Brent feels about this?  Probably loaded up his phone after a nice long nap to check what was going on in the Twitterverse and was like ohhhhhhh fuck.  Women man, freakin’ women.



BarstoolU Smokeshow of the Day – Shannon from Eastern Florida State College
Jan 279:10AM EST

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Introducing Shannon from Eastern Florida State.  Might be a blizzard in NYC but it’s hot as hell in here.


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New EDM From Borgeous and KSHMR
Jan 269:00PM EST

Check out a couple new progressive house bangers from Borgeous and KSHMR to start your week right.  Borgeous goes the more melodic route on his latest single, the ethereal “They Don’t Know Us,” while KSHMR keeps the banger train rolling, following up chart topper “Karate” with the gigantic “Dead Mans Hand.”

Need more EDM?  Check out The Drop on Barstool Beats.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Adriana from Kansas
Jan 265:30PM EST

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Introducing Adriana from Kansas.  Rock chalk motherf*ckers.


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Mia Khalifa Blows Up Drake’s Spot For Creeping On Her Instagram With A Half Naked Picture
Jan 265:00PM EST

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CBS - Mia Khalifa, Pornhub’s No. 1 rated porn star, joined The Page Q Sports Show on WQAM Sunday night to talk about everything from her relatively new career as a porn star, to her bizarre hatred of cats, to the type of people who try to slide into those private messages on social media. Like, say, super famous rapper, Drake, for instance…

Wait, what?

Mia was asked about which famous people have tried contacting her since she became famous. After appearing a little reluctant to divulge the information, she loosened up:

Host: How ’bout this. Give me a name it rhymes with.

Mia: Oh my god. Ummm. It rhymes with…”rake.”

And did Rake follow her on Twitter and creep through direct message all smooth, like most famous people? Of course not. He actually sent her a half-naked picture on Instagram, like a horny teenager. Because, of course Rake would do that.

She liked it, though, right?

“It was so cringeworthy. The whole thing was cringeworthy.”



Listen I love giving Drake a hard time as much as anyone but come on, blowing up his spot like this just for trying to pay you a compliment is pretty bush league.  Is there no code of conduct with the online pickup games anymore?  Are we all savages now?  I mean what if all of us had our texts and Snapchats and Tinder messages and private Instagrams exposed to the world?  What if we had to hear those being read on a live radio feed?   It would be madness.  Complete chaos.  So as much as I like seeing Drake squirm I gotta get his back here simply because I’m totally against the precedent this sets.  If sending half naked pics to the chick you’re thirsty for is wrong then I’m simply out of touch with the game.



This Guy Taking Artsy Booze Photos In The Blizzard Is Going To Be Swimming In Snow Day Bitches
Jan 264:30PM EST





LOVE the hustle from this guy. What do women love more than anything when planning for a potential snow day adventure? Access to booze, a decent looking dude, and the opportunity to snag some Instagram likes. Now I can’t see this dude’s face but he’s definitely got some big time check marks on options 1 and 3. Not to mention the fact that he’s doing different angles and lighting to get the perfect shot, total artsy hipster vibe chicks dig making a mistake on once or twice. Hate if you must but his priorities are 100% in order. Truly Mr. Plow for our generation:




None of the pussy for this dude though:


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Craigslist casual encounters? Unless you’re trying to spend your snow day being sodomized by a 45-year-old dude who accidentally clicked the wrong section to post a listing for his semen-stained microfiber couch you’re barking up the wrong tree, bro.

Phoebe Ryan – Ignition/Do You… (R.Kelly/Miguel Cover)
Jan 263:50PM EST

Phoebe Ryan transforms two R&B heaters into an electro pop jam for the books in her new cover of R.Kelly’s “Ignition” and Miguel’s “Do You.”

For more mashup’s check out today’s mashup monday it’s a solid 12/10