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New Music From Porter Robinson, Alt-J, RAC, The Knocks + More

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Aug 268:30PM EST

BoobiesMile4

Boobie’s been on hiatus for a minute, but today marks the triumphant return of the freshest indie music feature on the net.

Click here to stream Boobie’s Mile: Welcome Back Edition

Septermber 12th The Barstool Blackout Returns To Providence To Take Over Lupos!!!

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Aug 267:50PM EST

How are we going to take over Lupos? Dante the Don, our blackout DJ is going to turn Lupos into the craziest night of your life.

 

 

 

Tickets

 

So if you don’t know by Dante by now, he’s our Blackout DJ and on top of that he just opened for Miley Cyrus. Miley Fucking Cyrus. Thats huge; compared to that the Blackout is going to look small and be even crazier than you would have imagined. September 12, Lupos Heartbreak Hotel, Barstool Blackout, tickets on sale now!!!!!!!!! Providence, get ready to BLACKOUT!

 

Buy Tickets Here

 

Facebook Event Page

 

BarstoolBlackout_page

 

Barstool CFB Preview Series: Ole Miss and LSU

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Aug 267:30PM EST

Ole Miss

What To Watch For This Season:

After hiring offensive guru and whizkid coach Hugh Freeze (yes, that Hugh Freeze, the coach from The Blind Side), the Ole Miss program can only be described as on the up-and-up. Stellar recruiting classes, including the famous breakout recruiting class of 2013, have translated into on-field talent in a way that even the most homer of Rebel fans could have dreamed of. Robert Nkemdiche? Stud. Laremy Tunsil? Stud. Laquon Treadwell? Stud. And the 2016 recruiting class looks like it can be just as good. For a fanbase that has served as a whipping boy the rest of the SEC since Eli Manning graduated, expectations creep higher and higher by the day, and hope for the future is at an all-time high. If Freeze can deliver on some of his promise as an offensive genius a la Guz Malzhan, no program has more to be excited about than Ole Miss does, and that is a fact.

Over/Under:

Set at 8. Hammer the over. Hammer it. Ole Miss was 8-5 last year for chrissakes, and if this year’s Rebel team hopped in a time machine and played last year’s, I guarantee the point spread would be at least -7.5. Boise State won’t be ready for them on Thursday playing at Oxford and under a new coach, and Ole Miss will have a winning record in the SEC this year. As a matter of fact, here’s the boldest preseason prediction I have made yet or will make: Ole Miss is going to beat Alabama week 5, lose 1-2 games this season, and be a serious contender to make the 4-team playoff by the end of the season. Before you laugh in my face, just remember, this squad has as many blue chip players as ANYONE in the SEC, 9 returning starters on defense, and an extremely capable quarterback in Bo Wallace. FURTHERMORE, most of the critical departures from Oxford have been at the offensive skill positions, usually the easiest positions to replace. Alabama has issues facing innovated offenses the first time they see them (Kliff Kingsbury’s Texas A&M, Malzahn’s Auburn). I say Hugh Freeze throws the fucking kitchen sink at them. Trick plays, hurry-up offenses in the first quarter, formations we haven’t seen him run since his days at Arkansas State. The Grove will be rocking, and people start seeing Ole Miss as a legitimate force to be reckoned with for years to come. I’m sure most of you think I’m crazy and have no idea what I’m talking about now, but I have put a TON of thought into this.

LSU

What To Watch For:

LSU is at the bottom of returning starters in the SEC, as usual. They have to replace about 85% of their total offensive production. Losses at wide receiver and running back mean basically the entire skill position corps will have to be replaced, and the loss of Zach Mettenberger at quarterback means uncertainty at the position that will probably persist throughout the year. Don’t worry if you’re a Tigers fan though (you know, for that huge fanbase BarstoolU has in Louisiana), LSU is going to be just fine. Teams of LSU’s caliber reload rather than rebuild, and the depth of the Tigers (probably the second-best, only eclipsed by Alabama), means plenty of the fresh legs will already be prepared to be productive. Also, incoming running back Leonard Fournette has already drawn comparisons to Adrian Peterson and some already have him projected to be the best running back in the SEC his freshman year (that same conference with Todd Gurley and Alabama’s historically dominant running game). Now watch this video and start drooling.

Over/Under:

Set at 9. In Les Miles 9 seasons at LSU, they have only been under 10 wins twice, and that was half-a-decade ago. Doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. Their two hardest games (on paper right now at least), are both at home (Alabama and Ole Miss). The Wisconsin game this weekend is looking to be the best game of Week 1, and the teams in many ways are mirror images of each other (supremely talented running back, replaces to be made in the front 7, uncertainty at quarterback). The difference is that one team has SEC speed and one doesn’t. I give the Tigers about a 60-70% chance of winning that game (even though analyst Phil Steele says he gives UW a 50/50 shot at having it). I was more confident in the Badgers ability to win a few weeks ago, but the closer and closer to game-time it gets and the more and more I see from Leonard Fournette, the less and less good I feel about it. Hope I’m wrong!

Follow me on twitter @CharlieWisco

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Christina from SDSU

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Aug 265:30PM EST

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Introducing Christina from SDSU, yeahhh I’ll just leave this here, going to take a cold shower.

 

 

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Jerry Jones Says The Cowboys Are The “Glitz And Glamour” Of The NFL

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Aug 264:50PM EST

Jerry Jones Stripper

Dallas Morning News – “The Cowboys are into trying to associate with the very finest in terms of other areas of disciplines,” Jones said. “As much as we love the sport, as much as we love the contact, as much as we love to want to win a Super Bowl, we also appreciate the association with a great company or a great idea or a great product. That’s what this commitment [to a new partnership with Swiss watchmaker Hublot] is all about.”

While finishing up the presentation, Jones mentioned the glitz and glamour he loves so much about his football team.

“We’re the glitz and the glamour of the NFL,” Jones said. “We want to kick [our opponents’] you know what with glitz and glamour.”

 

 

Now that’s what I want to hear from my football team. The NFL has been pushing the idea that these men are modern day gladiators battling it out on the field as a rite of passage into the history books of great warriors. All lies. Battles in the trenches aren’t won with strength, courage, and masculinity. They’re won with preening, luxury, and a little something called star quality. The QB ratings may be in the shitter but Q ratings are sky high!

 

 

Sure they haven’t won a title in almost 20 years, haven’t made the playoffs the last three and lost the play-in season ender for the NFC East crown in ignominious fashion each of those times. But who needs things like “wins” or “accomplishments” or “replacement-level adequacy at most positions on the field” when you’re practically spraying glitter every time you ejaculate?

 

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A rack this classically beautiful belongs up on the silver screen, oozing glitz and glamour with every bead of underboob sweat. If only the same thing happened to those D cups that happened to Jayne Mansfield’s.

 

 

(via @BlkSportsOnline)

Mixtape: Ty Dolla $ign – Sign Language

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Aug 264:20PM EST

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The summer of R&B keeps on truckin as Ty Dolla $ign releases “Sign Language,” a crazy raunchy, baby making mixtape for the books. Preview some tracks below and if you’re thirsty for some more slow jams stream/download the whole thing on Beats or nah.

Stream / Download Ty Dolla $ign’s “Sign Language”



Stream / Download Ty Dolla $ign’s “Sign Language”

LSU Sorority Senior Song Leaks…Throws Shade On All The “Poser Cunts” and “Fucking Lards” On Campus

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Flsu-sorority-senior-song-leaks-throws-shade-on-all-the-poser-cunts-and-fucking-lards-on-campus%2F
Aug 264:00PM EST

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Reader Email via Tyler J. 

FINAL SENIOR SONG YEAH

Running up and down the row,
Our heads turning as we go,
Look there’s fucking Alpha Phi,
WHO THE FUCK IS ALPHA PHI?
They don’t even have a house,
Desperation all throughout,
We welcome y’all to our row,
That’s because we know y’all blow.

Here comes Chi-O-O God,
those Bor-ing chodes
They su-uck.
Oh well
Every bod-y knows
Hoot and hollar blows, It’s NO
blind tie.

Last Boys Bid Night
Yeah, we saw those DZ sluts,
They were sucking KA’s nuts
Probably took it in the butt

Last Boys Bid night
Pi Phi smoked a ton of blunts,
What a bunch of poser cunts,
Dressed in tie dye, what the fuck?

Last Boys Bid night
Theta maxed out all their cards
Eating Pluckers by the bars
There they are, those fucking lards.

Last Boys Bid night
Zeta no-ones changed their name
Now we call them ZTA
Oh-oh-oh? (SNAP SNAP)

This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
This Boys Bid night
Do it all again

Stepping up y’alls kappa game
Even though your skit is lame
Got a lazy pledge class
Who only smokes a bunch of grass
Young and foolish, yah okay
Put your hipster act away
When comes rush, your chapter bails.
That was such a fucking fail.

Pretty Girls, Yeah Right
You’re all Her-maph-ro-dites
Phi Whoooo
Oh well
With your lions’ fur.
But we’re pretty sure YOU’RE IRRELEVANT
Damn

Last Boys bid night
Delta Gamma didn’t go
Cause they’re used to hearing no
Kiss your anchor, fucking GO.

Last Boys bid night
Kappa Delta you’re all cray
Know y’all like it when boys spray
when comes Sunday y’all all pray

Last Boys Bid night
KDs getting DUIs
Spreading all those fucking lies
Yeah we know how hard y’all try

Last Boys Bid night
Y’all said we danced on table tops
Will y’all ever fucking stop?
Y’all will never be on top

This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
This Boys Bid night
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
This Boys Bid night

F.U.C.KD.
F.U.C.KD.
F.U.C.KD.
F.U.C.KD.
F.U.C.KD.
F.U.C.KD.

 

 

 

Why do I get the feeling the next time we hear about this LSU sorority it will be because they got their charter revoked, every member expelled and President arrested and thrown in jail?  Just tough to write songs about poser cunts, fucking lards and boring chodes in the 2014 college climate.  Oh and irrelevant hermaphrodites.  Can’t write songs about irrelevant hermaphrodites.   That’s bullying.

 

I personally prefer my sororities much less aggressive, way happier, and in video form.

 

 

Reports: Josh Shaw Involved In Domestic Abuse Incident And Jumped Out 3rd Story Window Running from LAPD

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Freports-josh-shaw-involved-in-domestic-abuse-incident-and-jumped-out-3rd-story-window-running-from-lapd%2F
Aug 263:40PM EST

 

 

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Like I said we’ll wait for all the facts to come out, but for now we’ll pass along all the unfounded and unproven words hitting the street from anonymous sources.   And at the end of the day Heather up there may be the only good thing to come out of all this Josh Shaw stuff.    Seriously is this real life?  A smokeshow with insider college football sources?

 

 

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ASU Apartment Complex Is Nicer Than Where You Vacation

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Aug 263:20PM EST

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TEMPE, Ariz. – Students at ASU are getting ready to go back to class next week. And for hundreds of students, their new digs won’t be some cramped dorm room. They’re living large in a brand new apartment complex right off campus.

“It’s you know brand new, 900 beds across the street from ASU’s campus, walking distance. No one has seen anything like this before.”

The 279 units are fully furnished and feature high end finishes like granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances.

But this is no doubt the main draw — a huge lazy river pool. The only one of its kind at an apartment complex in Arizona. The idea of floating on an inner-tube during these hot summer days was enough to get ASU senior Gerld Carter to make the move.

“This is just such a unique pool, very different from anything I’ve ever seen before. So I definitely wanted to be a resident here and be able to experience that in my last year of college,” says Carter.

And while they’re floating on the lazy river, people living here at the District can also watch TV or movies on this giant outdoor TV screen.

There’s also a two-story gym, .a shuffle board table in the recreation room, and a virtual golf course where you can practice your swing. Gerld says it feels more like a resort than an apartment complex.

“It’s going to be tough to leave this and go to class every day, but I’ll find a way. It’s always waiting when I come home.”

Of course it’s not all fun and games, so there are also several study rooms and conference rooms for students looking for a quiet place to study away from that pool.

 

 

 

Study rooms LOL.   Yeah I’m sure those will be packed.  I’ll give them 2 days as “study rooms” before they are transformed into beer pong or just straight up sex rooms.

 

Seriously is it weird to plan a vacation to a college dorm complex?  I mean I know I’m 27 and should be going to like the Caribbean or Hawaii or something but like…come on.  Lazy river + golf + these girls in bikinis:

 

 

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= best vacation ever.

 

 

Man we fucked up with our college choices.  Unless you go to ASU and live in the District, in which case, if you’re reading this right now, fuck yourself.   (You’re probably not though, because you’re probably wasted having the best time of your life).

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Kendall from Miami U. vs. Erin from Arizona State

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Aug 262:30PM EST

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Kendall from Miami Ohio 

 

 

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Erin from ASU 

 

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1 for Kendall…5 for Erin

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (317 votes, average: 2.59 out of 5)
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