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Coach Cal Goes Full Heel…Takes Private Jet To NBA Game With Tucker Max

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Apr 1711:45AM EST

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Love it!  Coach Cal.   Full heel turn.  Embracing the villain. Countrywide media blitz talking about one-and-dones and paying players.    Posted up on a private jet rubbing shoulders with Tucker Max.  Probably talking about all the chicks they railed out then forced to get abortions or something.   One magical tournament run and he just stopped giving any sort of fuck whatsoever.

NCAA Rules Weed Is Not Performance Enhancing

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fncaa-rules-weed-is-not-performance-enhancing%2F
Apr 1711:00AM EST

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CBS - Marijuana is no longer the Devil’s Weed when it comes to the NCAA.

The penalty for a positive marijuana test was reduced from a full season to half a season. The Legislative Council forwarded the measure. It is expected to breeze through approval, meaning each positive after August 1 will, in the words, of the University of Texas make it more likely violators will be subject to “campus intervention.”

Commenting on the legislation, USC went a step further in supporting the measure. It said “these issues can be treated the same as academic fraud.”

We’ve come a long way since simple possession of pot meant a multiple-year jail term. In considering the lessened ban, the NCAA used some significant language. “Street drugs are not performance-enhancing in nature, and this change will encourage schools to provide student-athletes the necessary rehabilitation.”

Rehab instead of suspension. That’s a reflection of the nation’s changing mores. Marijuana is still illegal in the majority of states but decriminalization is coming. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. It means that placing pot in the same category as a steroid doesn’t make sense.

One makes you bigger, the other makes you want to attack a bag of Cheetos.

Besides, you aren’t going to win many national championships with Cheech and Chong.

 

 

Don’t look now but the NCAA is officially on a roll!  Free snacks and unlimited meals for players.  Now reducing the penalties for smoking pot.  Not automatically arresting and executing players caught with weed, in 2014 when it’s actually legal in some states that have college teams.  Absolutely on fire.  Emmert you dog!

I mean I would love to take a look at all the mountains of data and computations done for this extensive multiple year long study they commisioned to find that weed isn’t performance enhancing.  How getting super high before games doesn’t exactly transform you into Bo Jackson.  Not sure what their previous experiences with weed were to make them consider that?  Has literally any single person in the organization ever been high one time?  But I digress.  Fact is the NCAA is making strides really tiny baby steps here and I’m not sure how to feel about it.  It’s like in movies when the twist is the obvious bad guy turns out to be good except it’s the NCAA making billions of dollars off unpaid labor and catching relentless heat about it so they are trying to appease the masses and get some good PR with free Gushers and half-year suspensions for ripping a bong.   Can’t wait to see what’s next.

Portland Forced To Drain 38 Million Gallons Of Drinking Water After 19 Year Old Bro Pisses In Reservoir

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Apr 1710:15AM EST

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(no need to watch this video)

 

NBCPeeved Portland, Ore., officials plan to drain millions of gallons of treated drinking water from a city reservoir after a teenager was caught on surveillance cameras taking a brazen bathroom break.

The unnamed 19-year-old was captured urinating through the iron fence at the Mount Tabor Reservoir just after 1 a.m. Wednesday, water bureau officials said. Two others with him, ages 18 and 19, were also caught trying to scale a fence.

The unsavory act has prompted officials to decide to flush 38 million gallons of drinking water — or the equivalent of 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools. Generally, urine in such a large volume of treated water poses little risk to the public, and even animals are known to answer the call of nature into the reservoir, which gets its water from the Bull Run watershed.

Floy Jones, co-founder of the group Friends of the Reservoirs, told The Associated Press that dumping so much water for something that hasn’t proven harmful doesn’t make sense.

“It’s extremely wasteful,” she said.

 

 

 

 

Whatever.  Guys do guy things.  We see something we want to piss in so we piss in it.  It’s the beauty of being a man.  We don’t give birth, we make more money in the workplace and we have a dick that we can whip out and piss with to our heart’s content.  Sometimes it’s off a building, sometimes it’s in a swimming pool, sometime’s it’s in the town’s 38 million gallon public water supply.   You want to stop it you’re going to have to take all our penises away.  And do you seriously need to dump 38 million gallons out for this anyway?  A little piss in 38 MILLION gallons?    If a few drops of pee is dangerous then no body of water I’ve ever been around or I’m pretty sure 99.99% of our readers have ever been around is safe.   Unreal.  We got droughts across the country and children without drinking water in Africa and Portland is just straight dumping the shit out with 0.00001 nanometers of pee pee in it.  Fucking Portland.

 

 

Kate Upton Says She Was Misquoted…Loves Her Tits

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fkate-upton-says-she-was-misquoted-loves-her-tits%2F
Apr 179:30AM EST

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Previously – Kate Upton Hates Her Boobs

 

 

 

THANK GOD.  It was starting to really weigh on me that I had to hate Kate Upton who was by all accounts my most obsessive crush of the internet age, but I’m glad we got it all cleared up.  I didn’t want to, but someone who spits in the face of not only her boobs but in the face of every fan who has admired them online and on magazine stands does not deserve to be respected.  Just a basic rule.  But like she said the story was made up out of thin air.  Completely fake.  Not sure how a reputable major mainstream publication can just invent stories and quotes and not get sued for slander and libel but whatever, all I know is Kate Upton and more importantly Kate Upton’s breasts are back in my good graces and all is right with the world.  Because there is NOTHING I love doing more than Googling “Kate Upton Boobs GIF” for a blog.  Well maybe “New Uniform Unveil College” but they are a close 1-2.

 

 

 

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Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Kimberly from South Carolina

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Apr 179:00AM EST

 

 

Introducing Kimberly from South Carolina.  Gamecocks in the house again!

Ummet Ozcan – Raise Your Hands (Slander Festival Trap Edit)

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fummet-ozcan-raise-your-hands-slander-festival-trap-edit%2F
Apr 1610:00PM EST

LA’s Slander lays down an enormous, gigantic, humongous festival trap remix of Ummet Ozcan’s “Raise Your Hands.”

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Savannah from Arizona

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Apr 165:30PM EST

 

 

Introducing Savannah from Arizona.  Love ending the day with a Zona smoke.  Just puts such a nice little bow on it.

Smoke Patrol Activated For New Syracuse and Illinois Uniforms

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Apr 165:05PM EST

SYRACUSE

 

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Illinois

 

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The Smoke Patrol is catching a beating today!  First Johnny Football’s new girl.  Now TWO uniforms at the same time.  Wow.  Hope it can handle all this action.  All I know is it’s a HUGE afternoon for blue and orange jerseys.  Illinois and Syracuse FTW.

 

#Mailtime Playlists

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fmailtime-playlists%2F
Apr 164:15PM EST

Shut it down, pick a playlist, and chill.

White KFC - quintessential white people shit

WhiteKFC3

Gone Country - ummm, country

Gone Country

SkinnyFiat - riding rap

skinny_fiat

The Pulse - the freshest EDM on the planet

ThePulse_1

Beers & Dips - flawless mix of classic rock, country, hip-hop
Beers and Dips White

Boozin’ & Cruisin’ - today’s hotness, whoopy as hell

Boozin and Crusin

Hot Right Now - best new songs on earth
Hot-Right-Now

Bro’in Out - the real FIFA soundtrack

Bro'inOut480

Rate This SHU Frat Bro’s Flag Football Pregame Speech

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Apr 163:45PM EST

 

Greek Olympics at Sacred Heart University where a brother of Pi Kappa Phi gave a legendary speech prior to a flag football game.

 

 

SO FUCKING FIRED UP RIGHT NOW.  When did Ray Lewis morph into a white boy in a bucket hat?  When did Knute Rockne come back to life as a Pi Kappa Phi frat bro?  When did Coach Tony D’Amato become a Sacred Heart University student?  Most intense football speech ever, or maybe for any sport.  Sure it’s not exactly the Super Bowl or the BCS Championship.  It’s a flag football game for the Greek Olympics at a small college.   Don’t tell Bucket Hat Bro.  It’s life or death out there on the intramural fields of Fairfield Connecticut.

 

 

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PS – Guy in the background who said “this is for the seniors” before the speech is sneaky more hardo than anything Bucket Hat Bro said.

 

 

 

 

h/t Connor