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Abigail Ratchford Cockily Shitting On Instagram Haters Makes Me Love Her Even More
Jul 227:26PM EST



There have been a fair amount of Abigail Ratchford blogs on here before and with good reason. Chick’s got an insanely beautiful face and wielding the type of cannons that’d bring a tear to Napoleon Bonaparte’s eyes. And obviously both those traits are incredibly noteworthy. But on an Internet full of insanely attractive women and even more warthogs who can trick a man’s eye like a gypsy in a Stephen King book, that alone isn’t enough to stand out.


That’s why I love the absolute cockiness of Abigail Ratchford posting a four-panel photo of herself without makeup on along with a full NBA summer league depth chart of crying emojis to remind the haters what’s up. Oh what’s that, other chicks? You’re naturally beautiful, too? Here’s one panel with me in bed with tits out for the boys, just to remind you I’ve got those as backup. Shot across the bow to all the other naturally pretty women out there who can’t leisurely slinging boulders big enough to chase Indiana Jones into a jungle full of natives.



abigail ratchford barstool

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There’s an even brighter side: Abigail is dating some kid named Jamie Iovine. Not some chiseled adonis or even an incredibly brilliant businessman, just a random bro like any of us, possibly even dorkier because he loves pro wrestling and posts videos of himself in Ultimate Warrior facepaint and even hung a WWE Championship belt above the couple’s TV. Only difference is he gets to post photos like this:



Oh and his dad is multimillionaire producer and mogul Jimmy Iovine, one of the co-founders of Beats which was just acquired by Apple for $3 billion and that connection gets them backstage at Avicii concerts and trips to an insane Malibu beach house and probably playing Yahtee with Snoop Dogg and god knows what else. But THAT is the only difference between you and him. Just find an old white dude named Mr. Drummond to adopt you and it’s a dead heat.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Shahana from Cal Poly
Jul 225:45PM EST



Introducing Shahana from Cal Poly.  Was going to save this for Friday but thought people might need a Tuesday pick me up.  Think we may have a top 10 all-timer right here.

Jeremih + Shlohmo – No More (Free EP)
Jul 225:00PM EST


Jeremih & Shlohmo dropped off their new EP “No More” and it’s just about the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. Stream a couple tracks from the project below get ready for the some of the eeriest and sexiest R&B imaginable.

Listen to the full EP here

Listen to the full EP here

Penn State Kappa Alpha Theta Bringing The Happy Valley Thunder
Jul 224:25PM EST














PSU Kappa Alpha Theta





Want to see your sorority repped on the Stool?  Send Tumblrs and Instagrams to and we’ll feature it some point during the week. 











































Chicks Confess Their Wildest Bachelorette Party Stories
Jul 223:45PM EST



Wait what the fuck?  I was told this would be wildest confessions.   Not sure how this loser snuck in here.  Hey honey, go fuck your friends or go home ok, you’re ruining the vibe.


Let’s get to some good ones…


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A drunken hook up is understandable, expected even.  But sober morning fingering?   That’s next level lezzy shit.



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You say it like it’s a bad thing. Sorry for partying?




Umm ok bitch?



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Do it anyway.  You won’t.



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Question for you two above…was this male stripper wearing a gigantic stuffed bear head?  If so do you know the date it will be uploaded to Youjizz?  Asking for myself.






And there you have it for this week in chicks being sluts.  Want to check out more or leave your own, head to the Whisper app and get to posting.

Alexandria Morgan Jogging In A Strapless Bra Is An Instant Heartstopper
Jul 223:20PM EST


Alexandria Morgan is one of those Internet model chicks on the rise and with good reason. She’s not a MySpace photo angle beauty queen like some of the closet heifers on Instagram and she’s got an insane body most girls would sell their first born into sex slavery for. Basically, she’s the perfect chick to get me to watch a video from some watch company I’ve never heard of and forgot the second I x’d out of YouTube.




This is the thing ol’ slobbo Kate Upton doesn’t get: This Alexandria Morgan chick is as pretty as her in the face, if not more so, she doesn’t look like she needs to have a golf ball pulled out of her by George Costanza when she’s lying down on a lounge chair, and she even resembles Kate Upton enough that she could be play her in a Lifetime movie about how she ruined Justin Verlander’s baseball career and drove him to murder.


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Alexandria Morgan RSVLTS Photoshoot

Alexandria Morgan RSVLTS Photoshoot



The fact that this chick lives in NYC and often posts photos at places I’ve walked past earlier in the day actually destroys my soul. Would it kill just one borderline supermodel to give me advanced notice when she’s going to appear somewhere so I can install a trap door set up a Wile E. Coyote catapult wish her continued success and excellence throughout the rest of her career?


(photos via @alexandriatothemax, RSVLTS)

LSU Freshman Football Player Punches Through Glass Window In Weight Room After Fight With Girlfriend…Severs His Bicep Down To The Bone
Jul 222:55PM EST

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NOLALSU freshman defensive tackle Trey Lealaimatafao suffered a serious arm injury when he punched a glass window in the team weight room, LSU sports information director Michael Bonnette confirmed to

Sources who were present said Lealaimatafao, a four-star recruit from San Antonio, Texas, was upset about a disagreement with his girlfriend, and punched the window between the weight room and indoor practice facility. The sources said the glass “tore through” Lealaimatafao’s bicep and they could see the bone underneath.

“It was horrific,” said one witness. “Horrible to see.”

He was immediately taken to an area hospital and is being treated for the injury, Bonnette said.  One source said Lealaimatafao may have completely severed his bicep and he faces a lengthy recovery.




Fucking chicks bro.  They’ll fuck you up in the head. Got say though I do love this guy’s positive attitude.  Oh I just severed my bicep and tore through all the muscle down to the bone?  All good, learning experience.  Always good to learn things every day.  Today was: don’t punch through glass windows.  Because when it breaks the stuff it’s made out of is very sharp.   And that sharp stuff will cut your arm off, and arms are important for football players.  Jot it down in my iPhone notes and we’re on to the next day full of life lessons.


Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Jenna from Bryant vs. Susie from MSU
Jul 222:15PM EST

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Jenna from Bryant


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Susan from MSU



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1 for Jenna…5 for Susie


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (270 votes, average: 3.60 out of 5)
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Big Girl’s Drunken Table Body Slam Attempt Is The Stuff Of Legends
Jul 221:30PM EST


I really hope this chick doesn’t get upset if she sees I called her a big girl for this one because, really, I mean it as a compliment. All the feminism and “Real women have curves” and propaganda mean literally nothing to me. Fluff from girls who eat entire jars of Fluff. But you give me a big ride or die chick like this Chelsea girl and I’m all in. Headband on, full sprint, big-time vertical leap, doesn’t matter if she went through the table or not. It’s all about the journey, not the destination. This girl won my respect, my heart, and a free coupon for celebratory dick (not valid in the 48 continuous states, see you in Hawaii boo).



When I was in college, my freshman year roommate was from Louisiana and one weekend he had some female friends come up to check out Los Angeles. One was a chick whom he wanted to bang, another was her boring and less hot friend, and the third was some big girl with an equally sized personality to match. We went out to whatever USC frats were noteworthy at the time, bounced around, drank way too much. We all got stupid wasted, my roommate’s chick crush vomited in a bush so he seized the opportunity to console her and, within seconds, make out with her. But the big girl, she had no signs of quit. We went back to the apartment aiming to smoke some pot and slow down and she just wanted to keep drinking, ended up going down the hall to some other party and ripped shots until like 3am. When she first left, I asked my roommate, “Is this normal? She’s going to be alright?” His reply was simple, “Oh yeah, she can outdrink most guys. She’s a hoss.” Hoss. The type of evocative name Jim Ross would use to describe Brock Lesnar when he first started in WWE. I don’t remember the boring chick, I barely remember the hot puking chick, but I’ll never forget the Hoss. Big girls doing big girl things, just have to applaud it when you come across it.


(h/t Jamie)

Banks – Beggin For Thread
Jul 2212:45PM EST

I’m officially in love with this chick.  Every single song she puts out is fire, and she puts out a lot of them.

Check out more from Banks, and if you haven’t heard her Aaliyah cover you’ll want to do that 10 minutes ago.