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Chelsea Handler Is Mad At A Report That She’s Showing Her Boobs Because They’re Fake So She Showed Her Boobs Some More

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Mar 41:30PM EST

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US – Chelsea Handler has an extra boost of confidence when it comes to freeing the nipple — the comedienne underwent a breast lift six months ago, a source reveals exclusively in the new issue of Us Weekly.

The former E! host, who recently turned the big 4-0, had the surgery done because she was “stressed about looking saggy,” an insider tells Us.

 
 

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LINK TO NSFW TWEET

 
 

Well alright then. I’m not really sure that was the boldest response, rebutting a report about your boobs being fake and then posting a far away photo on an absolutely filthy carpet in which they also look kind of fake. But more importantly I don’t get why it’s a big deal. If I’m a famous woman with money to blow and I don’t love my rack, the first thing I’m doing is getting big perfectly crafted bolt-ons. There’s no shame in that at all. If there’s a fire in my house, I’m not going to avoid using the fire extinguisher because it’s cheating to not let the fire naturally extinguish. Science made these tools for one reason: To be used.
 
 

Frankly I’ve got a bigger problem with the whispers that Chelsea Handler doctors the hell out of these photos using positioning and sometimes Photoshop to look hotter, younger, and skinnier. Someone sent me this candid photo allegedly of Handler after I blogged her pic of her titties at Mardi Gras and it looked like a huuuuge world of hurt:

 

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What kind of long con are we running here, Chelsea? Fake boobs, real boobs, whatever, but big time closet fattiness? MAJOR breach of etiquette.

 
 

PS Her 40th birthday cake was pretty fire regardless of the situation with Tittygate:

 

Barstool Beats Top 10

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Mar 412:50PM EST

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February was a ginormous month of new music, one of the best we’ve seen in a good long while, so it’s no surprise that the Barstool Beats charts are looking like straight fire flames top to bottom in the wake of that.  Zedd, Selena, Drake, Big Sean, Kanye, Adventure Club, Elephante, Makonnen, Jack U, Carnage, Passion Pit, Kendrick Lamar, just a who’s who of who’s hot in music right now.

Click to stream the entire Barstool Beats Top 30

 

Watch An Auburn Running Back Who Wasn’t Invited To The Combine Run A 4.25 40 #SECSpeed

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Mar 412:20PM EST

 

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AUBURN, Ala. Could the NFL Scouting Combine have left a 40-yard-dash champion at home this year?

Auburn running back Corey Grant, regarded as one of the fastest players in the SEC, ran unofficial times of 4.25 and 4.27 at Auburn’s pro day Tuesday. Those times were clocked by NFL Media’s Mike Mayock, who was on hand for the event.

NFL Media’s Gil Brandt reports Grant ran times of 4.28 and 4.30, according to an NFL scout on the scene. While there are no “official” times at pro days, one scout from an NFL team is assigned the duty of recording the 40 time of record at each pro day, which is then distributed to each club.

Either of the Grant times clocked by Mayock would have been the top time at the combine this year — and it’s coming from a player who wasn’t even invited to Indianapolis, although pro-day times tend to run faster than combine times.

UAB WR J.J. Nelson turned in the best 40 time at the combine with a 4.28.

“I definitely used the combine thing as motivation in training,” Grant said during a break. “I was expecting to run well. My goal was in the 4.1s. I know that sounds crazy, but you’ve got to set your goals high.”

 

 

 

An undersized back with blazing fast speed, think there’s any room for that in the NFL?  Probs not.

 

 

 

 

 

Those damn scouts, dudes be wrong with just about everything tho.  Blame Kiper and his buddy Mcshey’s compare and contrasting abilities.

 

 

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This Is A Composite Of The Perfect Man That Women Want And It’ll Make You Feel WAY Better About Yourself

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Mar 411:35AM EST

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DM – The major discrepancy between what men think women want and what women actually want has been brought to life after extensive research into body confidence.

The research shows that 62 per cent of men still believe that women prefer the gladiator look – and suffer pangs of anxiety when they fail to match up to this image.

While men state that a woman’s ideal man would be made up of Justin Bieber’s hair, Gerard Butler’s chiselled face, Hugh Jackman’s movie-star arms, David Gandy’s tight abs and Cristiano Ronaldo’s smooth legs, the response from women showed a contrasting view. They also seek a stomach like rugby star Ben Cohen’s and, perhaps more curiously, legs like Jonathan Ross.

Indeed, the survey revealed that a more rounded ‘boy next door’ physique is the more favourable look with 72 per cent of women who want to form lasting relationships.

Men with well-toned bodies are, initially, regarded as attractive, but it is the man with the little bit of excess flab around the waist who often wins the day.

A spokesperson for Jacamo, who commissioned the research, said: “Women tell us that men with ordinary bodies are seen as good family makers who pay more attention to their partners than they do to themselves.”

 
 

This study is from the UK so grain of salt and whatever given that they think the hottest dude around is a fake powerful ginger kid with rosacea. But still, what a bizarre set of findings. I’m not necessarily in the business of rating Photoshopped composites of famous British dudes — most of whom I’ve never heard of — but this dude is straight up homely as hell. And this is what women want? By comparison, here’s another study about the “perfect face” men want in a woman:

 
 

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You’re telling me this fuck-me-eyed composite with perfect hair and vicious DSLs is going to even give the time of day to that paunchy slob up top? No chance. The real thing this study teaches us is something we already know: Women are insecure as hell and willing to settle for absolute garbage if you can convince them enough, especially when it comes to marriage. You’re telling me these women wouldn’t actually prefer waking up to a husband chiseled from stone with Liam Hemsworth hair and a blindingly white smile? Of course they would. But they hate themselves too much to even strive for that in their fantasies so they’ll take this doughy hunk of mashed potatoes in tighty whiteys instead. You want equality, ladies? Aim higher. It’s called an “ideal” for a reason. I personally refuse to close the wage gap until they clean this shit up.

Kanye Gave The Best, Illest Speech Ever At Oxford University…His Words Not Mine

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Mar 410:55AM EST

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[Gossip Cop] – Kanye West gave a typically wide-ranging and wild speech at Oxford University on Monday, talking about everything from The Matrix and the Bible to greed and emptiness to President Obama and daughter North.

According to the Oxford Tab, which transcribed the full talk, West started off by warning that the 20 minutes he was allotted may not be enough, and ordered everyone in the room to be “completely quiet,” saying, “I can literally hear a whisper, and it’ll throw off my stream of consciousness, and when I get my stream of consciousness going that’s when I give the best, illest quotes.”

So, what were West’s best, illest quotes?

 

 

Ok everybody sit down, Kanye’s about to school you to some shit.  Pay attention.  I broke it into sections for you so you can fully comprehend the brilliance.

 

West started off by revealing he once wanted to be a painter that could rival Picasso, and used that as a jumping off point to talk about suppression and separatism. West said:

“Some of you here probably remember the night when the Donda tweets came through me and I started talking about professions that you guys are going into, that seemed they had nothing to do with a rapper. I was talking about a band of thinkers that could remove religion, race, gender, and somehow come together to find solutions for a broken planet.”

West argued, “We have the resources as a civilization to find a utopia, but we’re led by the most greedy and the least noble.”

 

Ooohh that’s a good start, Kanye needs a perfect world to live in because his life sucks so bad in this one.  Bear in mind Kanye is worth about $150 million and his wife who is famous for getting jizzed on is worth around $85 million in this world.

 

The star shared his belief that seflishness and other people’s opinions are preventing a seamless society, and drew a comparison between the Bible and The Matrix that he recently shared with Steve McQueen:

“There’s a Bible saying, ‘No weapon formed against me shall prosper’. Recently I’ve been doing interviews and I’ve had to go back to this verse because I don’t think there’s a living celebrity with more weapons formed against them, but I also don’t think there’s one more prosperous. So what weapons have prospered? The smoke and mirrors of other opinions.

What I said [to McQueen] was The Matrix is like the Bible of the post-information age… I compared it like when the hundred guys come at Neo, those are opinions, that’s perception, that’s tradition. Attacking people from every which angle possible. If you have a focus wide and master senseis like Laurence Fishburne and you have a squad behind you, you literally can put the world in slow motion.”

West explained, “This humanity that I talk about, this civilization that I talk about, this future utopia I talk about… it can only happen through collaboration,” and cited Steve Jobs as an example.

 

I’ve always thought the same thing, the Bible is basically like the Matrix, only thing is Keanu Reeves is way cooler than Jesus.  Especially with a badass master sensei like Morpheus.

 

The rapper said:

“I love Steve Jobs, he’s my favorite person, but there’s one thing that disappoints me. When Steve passed he didn’t give the ideas up. That’s kinda selfish. You know that Elon’s like ‘yeah, take these ideas’. Maybe there are companies outside of Apple that could work on them and push humanity forward. Maybe the stock brokers won’t like that, the stock holders wouldn’t like that idea, but ideas are free and you can’t be selfish with them.”

 

Steve Jobs you just got shit on son.  Tough to rest in peace when Kanye is at Oxford dumping all over you.

 

He went on to deem himself a “servant, with my voice, with my ability to build relationships with amazing people, speak to amazing people, call Elon Musk out of the blue, or call Obama out of the blue. He calls the home phone, by the way.” West then used North’s toys to talk about quality and luxury, and how they relate to happiness. He shared:

“I’d see toys that some people would buy for my daughter and I’d say this toy isn’t quality. I don’t want my daughter playing with this. There’s not enough love put into this, this is just manufactured with the will to sell, and not the will of inspiration.

[Vanessa Beecroft] bought my daughter these three wolves, knowing the whole collection, that it’d play with the song Wolves, and based on this concept. And when my daughter saw these wolves, I’ve never seen her so happy. She was going so crazy, she was grabbing one, she was riding on top of one… I’ve never seen her happier than this moment. That level of happiness seems to be the thing that we’re fighting for every day, that we’re trying to buy back, trying to work for, especially in America…

 

Pssst, Kanye, she’s 2 years old dude.  Random shit doesn’t make her smile because of the will of inspiration, it makes her smile because she’s a fucking baby.

 

 

We’ve been sold a concept of joy through advertising, through car advertising, through fashion branding. It’s not the concept of time, time with your family, time with your friends, the little time that we do have on earth and what we do with that. It was somehow sold to us through a Gucci bag or something.

Time is the only luxury. It’s the only thing you can’t get back. If you lose your luggage – I’m not gonna say the obvious brand of luggage that I’d normally say because I’ve got a meeting with them soon – if you lose your expensive luggage at the airport, you can get that back. You can’t get the time back.”

 

Your outfit costs more than the mortgages on some people’s homes and I can almost guarantee you’re wearing Gucci fucking boxer shorts during this speech.

 

It feels like people do everything in life to get this BMW, this Benz, to get this townhome, to get 2.5 kids exactly. One of them has to be small, y’know! And you’re looking for this moment where you sit in your BMW after all the work you’ve done and all the accolades you get, and you somehow think you’re gonna get that level of joy that my daughter had when she received those wolves. And when you’re sitting in traffic in your BMW, it’s something that feels empty. To everyone who reaches that point. This concept of the selfish human, this idea of separation by race, or gender, or religion, or age, or my favorite thing to hate, class.”

West added, “People say it takes a village to raise a child. People ask me how my daughter is doing. She’s only doing good if your daughter’s doing good. We’re all one family.” The problem, says West, is when the rest of the world doesn’t see itself as “one family,” and argues, “We have the ability to approach our race like ants, or we have the ability to approach our race like crabs.”

 

 

If we’re all one family I’d love to borrow some cash for a townhome and a Benz and have you co-sign.

 

 

“This is a generation that is far less racist – yes, small remnants remain of even thinking of calling something of a racial slur. White people that listen to rap say ‘n-gger’… in the privacy of their own home. That idea [racism], has passed. We’ve had The Cosby Show, Obama’s president, Beyonce’s great… that’s passed. But there’s still something you’re taught every day, especially in the UK, and that’s division by class. Our main focus, in my opinion… Imagine a world with no war, and imagine if everyone’s main focus, more so than going out to a club, their main focus was to help someone else.

I was joking with an interviewer earlier today…people talk about the number of viewers the Brits get, or the number of viewers the Grammys get. They need to do award shows for the Nobel Peace Prize, but I guess that doesn’t sell as many MasterCard commercials…

You guys have been taught, without you knowing, ways to separate yourselves from each other. If you’re separated, you can be easily controlled. If you’re too busy pointing fingers at each other, rather than holding hands, you can’t get anything done.

West then gave a personal example of when he was happily outshined by someone else: Nicki Minaj. He explained, “You know, Chris Rock called my album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy…well, Chris Rock and everyone else at every single media publication called My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy the best album of the last 25 years. This only came through collaboration.” West continued:

“One of the most memorable things about MBDTF was Nicki Minaj, and the fact that she kicked my ass, on my own song, on one of the best albums…the best album – I’m just saying what the critics said – of the last 25 years. The best album of the past 25 years that I spent a year and a half making, out there. I was exiled from my country, it was a personal exile, but exile. To come back and deliver my magnum opus of a work, and to be outshined… to be beat by a girl, basically. This was necessary. I think it was one of the most important points of working on that album, was to not stop her from her moment because of how good she is.”

The controversial performer later declared, “One of my biggest Achilles heels has been my ego. And if I, Kanye West, the very person, can remove my ego, I think there’s hope for everyone.”

 

 

You are doing a BANG UP job on that front my man!  Tell us again how your last album was the best album in the history of albums?

 

He went on:

“My momma taught me that if I was in a grocery store and I’m by myself and a stranger grabbed my hand, scream at the top of your f-cking lungs. If I’m at an awards show and a stranger grabs my hand and they say so we’re going to use these moving lights, or we’re gonna play the music right now before we define the look, or we’re gonna cut the TV cameras in a traditional way. I’ll scream at the top of my f–king lungs.

People say I have a bad reputation. I think I’ve got the best reputation in the building. They want you to have a reputation of tucking your black nail polish into your pockets and sitting in the corner of the class, and not fighting for your ideas out of fear of being ridiculed… That’s one of my favorites, to be called crazy…

I’m successful in learning about the beauty that is afforded rich people. But in learning that, being brought up, middle class, it’s something that is beating out of my chest. ‘Wait a second, I was middle class, and I didn’t get to see none of this sh*t!’

Let’s have an NBC telethon moment, and say that beauty has been stolen from the people and is being sold back to them under the concept of luxury! It’s illegal to not wear clothes, and also possibly too cold. That means someone is imposing an idea on you that should legally have to do! Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater. You know what should cost $5000? A car should be $5000. And you know who should work on the car? The people that work on the $500,000 cars. All the best talent in the world needs to work for the people. And I am so f*cking serious about this concept that I will stand in front of anyone and fight for it. Because I was 14 and middle class. I know what it felt like to not get what I have.”

West concluded, “People say to me ‘you’re successful, what are you crying about?’. I’m crying about the people. I’m crying about their daughters. Our daughters, as one family. What good is it. What good is anything that everyone can’t have. Every ism. They think we’re done with racism. What about elitism, what about separatism, what about classism? That’s all.”

 

 

Oxford University is kind of like, prestigious right?  Just making sure.

This Murray State Pitcher Has The Most Barbaric Leg Kick Windup Ever

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Mar 410:15AM EST

 

 

 

 

How do you pitch for a relatively small school in Kentucky in the Ohio Valley Conference, lose the game, and still end up going crazy viral?

Kick yourself in the face with your hamstring on every pitch.

 

 

 

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5 IP, 8 hits, 4 earned runs, 3 walks = 1 loss.

14,500 websites and 6,000,000 Twitter accounts posting your picture = a big win.

 

 

 

 

PS – Kid is ok in my book.

 

 

 

Quinnipiac Student Successfully Gets Sorority Charity Event To Raise Money For Children In Foster Care Cancelled Because She Was Offended The Poster Had Maracas On It

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Mar 49:31AM EST

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QU Chronicle After senior Lexie Gruber posted on Facebook that she was offended by an advertisement for a sorority’s annual philanthropy event, students insulted her and threatened her on social media sites such as Yik Yak.

When Gruber saw a poster for the event on a Kappa Alpha Theta member’s Facebook, she commented on the photo, saying the maracas on the ad were offensive because they stereotyped Mexicans.

Some Kappa Alpha Theta chapters across the country hold the Queso for CASA event where members sell Mexican food to raise money for their philanthropy, CASA or Court Appointed Special Advocates, an organization which helps foster children.

“As a Latina student at Quinnipiac I find this incredibly offensive,” Gruber commented on the Facebook of sorority member and Student Government Association Vice President for Public Relations Carly Hviding. “I support your mission and philanthropy, but ask that you respect the culture of others and do not appropriate it in stereotypical and offensive ways. I don’t mean any harm, just want to point that out.”

Kappa Alpha Theta’s executive board said it realized the ad was offensive and decided on Monday to cancel the event, originally scheduled for Tuesday, March 3

“We are leading women of the community and on campus and it was in our best interest to cancel the event,” President of Kappa Alpha Theta Julia Gonsalves said. “We don’t stand for any discrimination and we wanted to cancel it and revamp it so that it will not be offensive to anyone on campus.”

 

 

 

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PHEW.  Thank God somebody finally said something.  Been bothering me for years and never had the courage to say anything, but if there two things that have been a blight on society, it’s unfair depictions of maracas and god damn foster kids.  Always with their hands out, looking for free money, wahhh we’re orphans, we don’t have homes of our own because of some horrible tragedy.  Oh no no no, not on Gruber’s and my watch.  Not if the way we are going to support you is by raising a shit ton of money through a Mexican food event featuring a pair of maracas on a poster on campus.  For far too long Mexican students have been tormented by the excessive use of percussion musical instruments and it’s high time we put an end to the incredibly offensive appropriation.   Sure maybe we’ll raise 50 grand for children in need, but at what cost?  A college student’s feelings getting hurt?  Not a trade off I’m willing to make.   Sorry foster kids.

I STAND WITH GRUBER and all these Quinnipiac social justice warriors, maracas must be stopped.

 

 

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Barstool U Wednesday Morning Smokeshow – Annie from Texas State

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Mar 49:20AM EST

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Introducing Annie from Texas State.  Texas Forever Street.

 

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Kid Cudi – love.

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Mar 39:10PM EST

Kid Cudi drops off a loosie to hold the fans over while they wait eagerly for Man On The Moon III.  Vintage Cudder, complete with a Ratatat sample, I like it.

P.S. If you like Kid Cudi, check out our Chill Beats and Medical Treats playlist on Beats, it’s flawless.

Barstool U Tuesday Smokeshow – Katie from Hawaii

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Mar 35:30PM EST

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Introducing Katie from Hawaii.  Aloha Katie.

 

 

 

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