December 15, 2014 - December 21, 2014
Bama Fans Catch Burglars Breaking Into Their House And Stealing Their Christmas Presents…Hold Them At Gun Point Until Cops Come
Clay Travis – What happens when your home gets broken into? You call the police, right? Not if you’re a Bama fan. You call your family — already clad in Bama gear and carrying their handguns — and they descend on your home where they subsequently catch the thiefs after the idiot robbers get lost on the backwoods roads where you live.
Message: I’m here if you need me Nick Saban.
God bless the South. God bless Alabama. Seriously what would us little Northeastern pussies do if we saw someone robbing our place on surveillance cam? Call the cops. Keep a safe distance. Hide out behind the patrol cars until the perpetrators were apprehended then press criminal charges and watch it play out through the judiciary system. But in Alabama? Ha. They’ve been waiting their whole lives for this shit. Surprised they even called the police at all, figured the loaded guns and camo jackets were all they needed to deal out their own brand of backwoods justice, but whatever. Bama football gear, camo jackets and pink handguns…Roll damn Tide!
PS – Do you think this guy owns a single article of clothing that doesn’t say Alabama football on it? Definitely not right?
Maybe like, 1 suit, in case of a funeral or something. But guaranteed he only wears it with a Tide tie.
Kap Slap wraps up the year in style, melting our faces with 62 minutes of 2014′s most mind bottling EDM.
Little Kid Acts Like An Asshole Ramming Guy With Shopping Cart So The Guy Ruined The Kid’s Life In Response
I’m one of those people who thinks little kids are awesome when you have some reason to like them, your little cousin or a girlfriend’s nephew or something. Give me some Hot Wheels tracks and a tiny house and I’m all in on entertaining them for the sake of their poor parents for 20 minutes. But when I have no emotional stake in a kid, they’re usually just the fucking worst. Yelling for no reason, wiping their nasty little hands everywhere, seducing Roman Polanski, just terrible all around. So I respect the shit out of this guy for standing up to this kid like this. Zero percent chance it’d happen in America — well, outside of Florida — but if we can start showing kids what’s up earlier in life, maybe they’ll grow up to be less entitled bags of shit when they’re adults? Hell keep the soccer teams and participation trophies and all of that pussification of America happy horse shit, arm our adult citizens with quarts of milk and watch things get course corrected real fast. Nothing teaches you the error of your ways faster than getting impromptu slimed by some keffir, no question.
For the record, the mom’s reaction made me think this was fake and it probably is but then again, if your kid is so gleefully awful and you can’t get him under control, you’re probably just dying for someone to finally extract some revenge. It’s like having Cesar Milan come in and fix your troubled dog. Plus the video was in Turkey and this guy could have done anything up to and including whipping the kid in the town square or chopping his finger off and serving it in a kebab and I still would have thought it was in the realm of believability. Turkey is as Turkey does.
Hell yeah. What a Hanukkah! Just good to have our foot in the door, get a little bit of representation. Anthony Goldstein, Ravenclaw, member of Dumbledore’s Army, Harry’s trusted ally in battle against the forces of evil. Big time Jew.
Sure it’s just 1 and we’re still drastically underrepresented at a school of thousands and it’s probably time to review the admissions process for possible anti semitism, but whatever. It’s a first step. It’s a source of pride, especially for the holidays. Goldstein the Hogwarts Warrior. Need JK to give us an update on adult Anthony, see how his practice is doing, ask him what was more stressful, fighting against Voldemort or controlling Hollywood and the banks.
NFL - Dungy was on “The Dan Patrick Show” and gushed about Mariota, saying “he is going to be a great pro” and calling him “Aaron Rodgers in the waiting.” He also said Mariota would fit nicely with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who presumably will be interested in drafting a quarterback and should have one of the earlier picks in the draft.
Dungy coached the Bucs from 1996-2001 before moving on to coach the Indianapolis Colts from 2002-08; he guided the Colts to the Super Bowl title in the ’06 season.
Dungy knows a lot about Mariota: Dungy’s son, Eric, was a wide receiver at Oregon from 2011-13 before finishing his career this season at USF.
Dungy was asked about Mariota’s mild-mannered demeanor and whether that could hurt him in the NFL in terms of dealing with all the attention that comes from being the quarterback and a face of a franchise. Dungy said Mariota can grow into that role and said that it wouldn’t be a factor unless Mariota ends up in “New York or Philadelphia.”
Asked what he would do if he were GM of Tampa Bay and had the No. 1 pick, Dungy responded, “I’m taking Marcus Mariota in a heartbeat and excited to have him.”
Listen I hope Marcus Mariota is the next Aaron Rodgers. I hope he comes into the league and tears it up and does really well. Seems like a great kid, great head on his shoulders, quiet and respectful and extremely hard working. His coaches love him, his teammates love him, Oregon fans love him. And it goes without saying that he’s incredibly talented. He’s got the record and the Heisman to prove it. Deserves a nice career, some Super Bowl rings and an Olivia Munn on his arm in my book.
But let’s just say I’m a little wary of the draft analysis that comes out of Tony Dungy’s mouth.
If Tony Dungy were still coaching the Indianapolis Colts he’d take Robert Griffin III over Andrew Luck with the first pick in the NFL Draft.
What passes for conventional “wisdom” among pundits who observe the NFL has had Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck a lock for the No. 1 pick. Dungy, though, thinks RGIII, the Heisman Trophy winner from Baylor who has yet to announce his draft plans, brings more to the game. On Dan Patrick’s radio show, he said he is “not sure you have to have the can’t-miss guy.” He admits he’d take Aaron Rodgers over Tom Brady and Drew Brees because of “the pressure he puts on defenses with his running ability.”
“I like those mobile guys,” Dungy told Patrick, saying he thinks they supply an “extra dimension….they are intriguing to me…I like Robert Griffin.”
Over Luck, Patrick asked?
“I do. As I say, just watching him play a couple of games, not studying it every throw and every play.” [Washington Post]
Yeah so no matter how much you love Mariota, just temper the excitement a little bit when you hear words coming from Tony Dungy’s. The guy who wanted to pass up on the most sure-thing ever to take a chance on an extra dimension mobile guy. And that’s not even hindsight being 20/20, pretty much everyone with a brain and eyes knew Luck was the right #1 pick, unless you were a shock-jock looking to get headlines and pageviews…or Tony Dungy.
DM U.S. – Delta Sigma Phi’s Gamma Alpha chapter is now closed and will remain that way for at least two years, San Diego State University said Tuesday.
The fraternity’s ‘consistent pattern of policy violations that includes the harassment of a Take Back the Night March on Friday, November 21, 2014, as well as other significant hazing and alcohol misconduct issues’ was the reason behind the move, the university said in a release.
Delta Sigma Phi’s members brandished dildos at Take Back the Night demonstrators, student newspaper The Daily Aztec reported.
Take Back the Night, whose events are frequently held on college campuses, says on its website ‘We seek to end sexual assault, domestic violence, dating violence, sexual abuse and all other forms of sexual violence. After learning of widespread member misconduct issues, the National Fraternity determined it was not in the best interest of Delta Sigma Phi to continue operating Gamma Alpha Chapter. The Fraternity cannot, and will not, tolerate blatant disregard toward our policies and standards for members and chapters.’
SDSU said in its release that the ‘individuals involved in the harassment policy violation will be subject to a Title IX policy investigation and a student code of conduct policy violation investigation.’
In an email exchange with MailOnline, university spokesman Greg Block emphasized that ‘Delta Sigma Phi was not closed on our campus because of [the Take Back the Night event]. That incident was the last in a string of policy violations that led the Delta Sigma Phi national office to close the chapter here at San Diego State.’
Shutting down frats, so hot right now. Shutting down frats. It appears SDSU’s Delta Sigma Phi is the latest, stemming from multiple instances, but most notably #Dildogate in November. Usually I’m on the college kids side with stories like this but I don’t think I can defend these San Diego bros. I mean I can sort of defend hazing, that’s a case by case basis. I can absolutely defend alcohol misconduct issues. I can even defend protesting the protestors by waving big dildos in their faces. That’s actually kind of funny. Obviously rape is no laughing matter but these picketers live and breathe to vilify frats. So I think the frat sending a big ‘fuck you’ back at them is totally reasonable. But what I refused to defend is throwing eggs at people.
According to TFM, last Friday’s “Take Back the Night” march at SDSU was interrupted by “fraternity members waving dildos and other sex toys in the air, yelling obscenities and throwing eggs at demonstrators. The demonstration followed the campus’ seventh reported sexual assault of the semester.”
That’s where I draw the line. Come on, frat bros of all people should have a little bit of appreciation for the finer things in life. Like do you have any idea how hard it is to clean egg off of cashmere? Barbarians, all of them.
P.S.- If you and your buddies have never grabbed a couple of dildos and made some dumb decisions then did you ever really even go to college?
Dude Flying For The First Time Gets Nervous Right Before Takeoff…Opens Up Emergency Door To Get Some “Fresh Air”
Metro – A first-time flyer showed exactly why his kind make normal passengers feel nervous – by opening a plane’s emergency exit ‘for fresh air’.
The passenger opened the door on the Xiamen Air flight from Hangzhou to Chengdu just as the plane was readying for take-off.
Alarmed passengers naturally reached for their camera-phones first – this is 2014, after all – but also alerted crew.
The newbie opened the door and looked around in wonder before a stewardess explained gently that this wasn’t the done thing on aircraft, according to the South China Morning Post.
A video later posted on YouTube showed the inflatable emergency exit chute being deployed when the door was opened. The aircraft is shown to be stationary at the time.
Jesus man. Listen I get it, I talk about it all the time, flying sucks. It’s terrifying. But at least learn the drill for me one time before just heading out there and ruining everyone’s travel plans. Just go to your doctor and get a prescription of Xanax then order a drink from the first stewardess you to see to wash it down as soon as you step on the plane. Fire up some noise cancelling headphones, throw a movie on your iPad and just zone out/black out for the rest of the trip. Know who turbulence doesn’t bother? Know who’s not worried about smashing into the ocean at 6000000 mph and never being found? The guy zonked out on anxiety meds drooling all over his neck pillow. Yeah you’re a little groggy after, yeah you’re going to be absolutely 0 help during an emergency situation from the exit row seat you upgraded too, but you forgot the whole trip. And best part? You didn’t almost murder everybody by ripping open an emergency door right before you climbed to 30,000 feet. Tips for next time, from a fellow pussy traveler.
Has Anyone Checked on the Wichita State Cheerleaders This Morning After Dickie V Declared It Was “Disco Dick Time” Last Night?
— Kmarko (@Kmarkobarstool) December 17, 2014
I don’t know what “Disco Dick Time” is exactly, but it couldn’t have been very enjoyable for these Wichita State cheerleaders. Old man creep game like you read about. Just being honest…not hating of course. If I’m living my life and earning a paycheck by watching college hoops, yelling catchphrases into a microphone, and dancing with hot ass 18 year cheerleaders at age 75 I’ll be the happiest man on Earth.
2 in the pink, 1 in the stink on all the dance team diaper dandies, that’s how Dickie rolls during Disco Dick Time babyyyyyyyy.