Barstool U - By the C - Student, for the C - Student.

USA Today – Tyrann Mathieu signed a deal with the Arizona Cardinals that will provide him a bigger overall payout than his slot as the 69th overall pick in the draft dictated while also protecting the team in case of any drug-related relapses.  Mathieu’s agent, Patrick Lawlor, told USA TODAY Sports his client signed a four-year contract worth over $3 million, which is more than $100,000 higher than last year’s No. 69 pick (Buffalo Bills wide receiver T.J. Graham) received.

Lawlor said there’s no additional language in the contract about money forfeiture due to a positive drug test. Mathieu will be subject to the same contract rules as “anybody else in the league” as determined by the collective bargaining agreement, though Lawlor has said Mathieu verbally agreed to regular drug tests.  The Cardinals, meanwhile, split up the $662,500 guaranteed bonus Mathieu was slated to receive into a $265,000 signing bonus up front and roster bonuses totaling $397,500 throughout the final three years of the contract.

Listen we’ve all had our fun making fun of Honey Badger, what with his “marijuana addiction” and his “first round draft pick party.”  And yeah he was a bad teammate and messed up and smoked in college and it cost him and his team.     But can you say overkill?  10 drug tests a month?   Seriously is this the first fucking guy in the NFL to smoke weed before?  Are we still talking about a 21 year old smoking some blunts?  Isn’t it practically fucking legal now?  Get this guy some weed bacon and shut the fuck up about it.

Only reason it’s even an issue is because he got caught so ESPN started digging into his past and dragged him through so much mud he had to go to marijuana rehab and fake a tearful apology on TV to try and get his image back for the draft.  Dude is still a freak on the football field.

SEATTLE — Marijuana-infused pork. It’s a real delicacy that a butcher in Seattle is serving up in the city’s famed Pike Place Market.  Deep inside the meat locker at the oldest butcher in Pike Place Market, there’s a new meat high on the hooks.  ”We made bacon out of them,” said BB Ranch proprietor and butcher William Von Schneidau.  You might call it “smoked” bacon since this porker was fed pot.  ”Here in the butcher shop we’re able to make anything you can imagine,” said Von Schneidau. “Somebody requests something, and we make it, and make some extra of it and see if people like it.”

Von Schneidau has been experimenting with meat for a while now, but can’t remember how he came up with the idea to make “stoned swine.”  ”I don’t smoke, but I guess it’s foggy,” Von Schneidau said. “I’m just joking.”  He took the leftovers from a medical marijuana grower, had it fed to pigs, and soon they were here in his shop, bringing a whole new meaning to the idea of the “pot-bellied porker.”  ”It just got so popular we ran out of meat,” said Von Schneidau.

Does this actually do anything?  Feeding pigs weed then turning them into bacon?  I’m no biologist or anything but won’t it like get burned up in their body and not carry over or something?   Ahh fuck it.  Weed infused bacon!

Move your butcher shop onto the nearest college campus and I’m pretty sure you’ll be giving Carlos Slim Helu a run for his spot on the Forbes list by the end of next semester.

I’ll tell you what.  I care WAY less about this dude munching on some toppings than I do about him smearing his hand around trying to make it look like he didn’t munch any toppings.  Crossed the line big time there.  Like I get it.  You’re a delivery guy.  You spend all night delivering piping hot fresh pizza to people.  At some point it’s just physically impossible to resist.  But please just delicately pick some pepperonis or pineapples off and close the lid instead of wiping your gross pizza delivery guy hands all over the cheese and sauce.  Really not too much to ask.

Oh man I got a strong, strong feeling this cop is not making it out of bed and to work this morning.  Depression city.  I mean as a Major League Baseball Field Cop you live for this moment.  This is the apex of your training.  Why you lift all them weights and spend all that time in the film room.  Analyzing possible points of entry, studying different body types and running styles of possible streakers.  Monitoring field conditions and weather in case of a possible foot pursuit.  Then you finally have your big moment and you’re running in front of thousands of screaming fans closing in on your quarry and BAM, face first into the mound, eating rubber while the dude waves the rosin bag in your fuckin face.  Might as well be waving your beating heart that he just ripped out of your chest at you.  So sad.

Introducing Jillian from Hofstra.  It’s Friday, let’s do this.

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Barstool Beats site coming soon if Pres decides to answer one of my calls…

Introducing Jessica from Boulder.  Smokeshows and weed, that’s what Colorado does.

We are dangerously low on smokes.  Need nominations to tips@barstoolu.com or else we’re just not featuring any tomorrow.  Let’s go.  Smokes don’t grow on trees around here.

Oh boy. You really nail ‘em now. I mean, before this I could totally believe that the video game player who looked like Tebow, wore his number, and played in a digital rendering of what is obviously The Swamp wasn’t actually Tebow. Just a number of happy coincidences that made me ecstatic when I put a hit stick on him. This is supposed to change that?

Some people are blowing this story up like it’s gonna be the nail in the coffin for cases where former college athletes are trying to get money for usage of their likeness. Do you really think that the NCAA isn’t going to find a way to weasel out of this one? Pretty sure all their lawyers have PhD’s in semantics. They could get away with putting out Tebomania ’10. It would just be a game featuring two guys named Tom Tebo and Urban Mayer wrestling in a ring shaped like a crystal football, filled with their tears. I’m still pretty sure nobody would see a dime.

I’ll never forget our first Blackout show ever.  Clemson U.  Party and a football game.   The start of something beautiful.  No clue what we were doing or where it was going and now it’s a nationwide tour de force.   Memories…

The hottest rapper on earth picks up a remix from the hottest producer in music.  Cue the butthurt “pure rap” fans though…