July 28, 2014 - August 3, 2014
If you’ll learn one thing about me, it’s that I’m all about showmanship. Substance is great but it’s nothing if you don’t have some flair to match. And if this and the yoga chick in Taiwan are any indicator, the Pacific Rim is beasting us in style points before first pitches. This girl — Japanese actress Rina Takeda — just singlehandedly spit in the face of every first MLB pitch this season. 50 Cent has eaten for a decade off what a tough guy he is but can’t throw a regular pitch in the same area code as home plate. Meanwhile Rina here gave herself a 6.0 on the Ray Rice scale, broke all the blocks, then mean mugged at the camera at the camera like Randy Johnson in his prime before throwing a perfectly serviceable girl pitch for the K. Just a monster performance all around.
I’m not one of those Asian fetishizing white dudes but am I off base in saying Rina Takeda can get it just off this showing alone? She’s not the hottest I’ve ever seen but it definitely moved a little when she did her little Power Rangers pose after the blocks shattered beneath her, I’ve got to admit.
(h/t The Big Lead)
Introducing Kylee from Michigan State. If Monday is any indication we’re in for another banner week of smokes that’s for sure.
If “camwhoresmanship” isn’t an actual word then I’m going to be really upset on the behalf of us all.
A user by the name MonikawithaK went on Reddit’s IAmA subsection claiming to be a 25-year-old Romanian woman who just started performing on camera five months ago. Assuming she’s legit, her findings on the business of being a cam girl were really something. Below are my favorite responses of hers to guys’ questions.
We’re one question in and I’m already pretty confident this girl has to be in the top 10 smartest cam girls in history. That or she has a ghostwriter there penning clever vag-based analogies for her. I’m impressed with either outcome.
There’s more on the subject of fake masturbation below. But for now I’ll just say that this seems vaguely like being a magician’s apprentice and the magician shows you on the first day how to saw a lady in half and make an elephant disappear. You don’t empty the entire bag of tricks right away, ladies. We build to that here.
I guess that explains why she sounds so smart. Then again, it’s Eastern Europe, pretty much everyone there was a brain surgeon or rocket scientist before they moved to America and had to pump gas. Might have to grade on a curve here.
Big news for any of you out there who felt like you had a real connection with an adult woman in a bedroom that looks like it belongs to a developmentally challenged teenager. It wasn’t all in your head! I’m not saying now’s the time to camp outside your favorite cam girl’s studio with a boombox playing “In Your Eyes” wielding whatever’s on sale at Zales but I won’t be mad at you if that’s what you infer here.
Odds this are a very misguided viral stunt for Ikea just went up by 1000. I find it hard to believe that even Romania has big Ikea show rooms where the upper class comes and enjoys Swedish meatballs before buying a futon that’ll fall apart in three months.
Whoa whoa whoa is this an ol’ Romanian hockey trick or is this true across the board? I haven’t spent a ton of time recently in Camwhoreville but I personally feel betrayed that they’re not always actually jamming objects into delicate places for the paid amusement of others. It’s like finding out Santa Claus doesn’t come down the chimney to shove dildos in his vagina or something.
Bad news commenters: Apparently you guys have been giving away “sissy play” for free for years when you could have been getting paiiiiiid. Sucks to be you.
Note to the guy asking to have this girl watch him cut his dick off: Maybe tone it down a notch or ten. We’re trying to jack off here not retell the Aristocrats joke. Also pretty sure you can’t get off if your dick is down your trash chute. Get your fetishes in order.
Just a general note about these girls’ pay and an equally general reminder to never trust a Romanian woman. You don’t become the Queens of Camming with a national pride in hustling the shit out of dudes just trying to squeeze a few drops of objectification out without a mean streak that should be avoided at all costs. Game recognize game.
I just found this one interesting because it sounds like there’s room for someone to come in with some Walter White-level innovation and completely change the cam girl game. They say if you love what you do then you’ll never work a day in your life and who wouldn’t love being some sort of Eastern European cyber pimp just cashing fat checks in between trips to Ikea. Romanian mogul status.
Note to self: Semilegal teens are a much less sexy concept than barely legal teens. Thank God this Romanian Internet prostitute could teach me about the difference.
Baffling why she won’t just do it on camera and make a few extra bucks in the process. It’s called using available resources to more effective monetize. Think Pussyville is looking for a business development person? I’ve got some ideas.
PS Monika with a K definitely wipes sitting down.
Love the effort with her going for the old handjob jizz platter glasses. If you’re the type of guy to ask for something that strange and specific, I feel like you should probably have a good sense of humor about it. Sometimes a load on the Lenscrafters makes a girl chuckle. Life is funny like that sometimes.
Take that, Romania. You may be able to more easily convince women to sell themselves into a somewhat profitable modified form of sex slavery but can you get yourself a $0.99 colonic wrapped in tortilla? USA all the way.
(Camgirl photo by Shutterstock)
Coming off a gigantic “0 to 100″ remix and one of the hottest hip-hop cuts of the year in “Nah I’m Talking Bout”, the Guerrilla Unit is back with some all new, all original material leading up to an expected mixtape some time in the nearish future and a full length album later this year. While you wait for that, check out all the latest from G-Unit as well as all the heat headman 50 Cent’s been dropping this year.
Want to see your sorority repped on the Stool? Send Tumblrs and Instagrams to email@example.com and we’ll feature it some point during the week.
Who has a better college life than Marcus Mariota right now? Manziel is gone – wide open spot at the top of the sport for a new superstar quarterback. Top prospect for the 2015 draft. Got a ton of great pub for staying at school to mature and improve his game. And he already graduated. So basically he’s the QB1 at one of the most high profile D1 football programs who does nothing but play golf, do yoga, lift and play football all year. Oh and wear 96 variations of the hottest uniforms and gear on the planet. You’d be hard pressed to describe a better college experience than that.
PS – Mariota if you’re reading this be extra careful with the ACLs this season because if we’re being honest this blog could not be more jinx city if it tried.
If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times (actually I’ve said it 3 times exactly, I just checked the blog archives): nobody has capitalized on their ability to jump really high better than Zach Lavine. From virtual obscurity at UCLA to becoming an internet sensation and getting drafted by the T Wolves. All because he can jump out of the gym and always has someone on hand to film it. Genius. Can he shoot? Can he play D? Does he hustle? Nobody knows, nobody really cares, because look at this shit!
PS – Was that a fucking windmill from the free throw line?
For sure one of the best mashup monday lineups we’ve had in a long while. With features from Garrix, Foster The People, Biggie & Chromeo, every one of todays tracks just reeks of hotness.