Hey Preston, GTFO with your actual helpful information, Tyler is busy throwing daggers into this chick’s heart. Unfortunately Morgan here doesn’t know anything about courtship and just ignored what a true gentleman Tyler is being. You’re going through a bad time, baby girl, and nothing solves a bad time faster than some dude you barely know from school trying to win his way into your pants with tips from a hard day’s sandwich artistry at Subway. It worked for Beauty and the Beast, it can work for you, too. Just stick with it, bro. If every “reality” porn website has taught me anything, it’s that if you offer any woman money enough times in high enough denominations, they’re bound to turn into putty in your hands completely oblivious to the existence of enormous video cameras at some point.
This is one of those times where I’m beyond grateful we didn’t have Facebook when I was in high school. Just think about a world where all of the awkward come-ons you threw out on AIM or, even worse, some of the awkward drama queen away messages some of us may have had the second you had a fight with your girlfriend were still out there. Imagine if that treasure trove of emo song lyrics, flirtatious chat logs with “hahas” sprinkled in as a misguided attempt to appear coy, and years of winky emoticons at the end of sentences to try to inject some sort of personality into your pathetic “asl” game were somehow preserved online forever, a veritable Smithsonian to your incompetence available for anyone to browse and click a Like button on years after the fact. Absolute nightmare material.