Oh good, Macklemore’s back.
July 28, 2014 - August 3, 2014
It’s getting physically painful to do this job every day with the recent influx in sorority themed posts. The Tumblrs, the Instagrams, and now videos on top of videos. You think this shit is easy? Watching 3 minute videos of the hottest college girls in the country and analyzing each one closely in slow motion and taking screenshots and making GIFs? Shit is a grind. An awesome but deeply depressing grind.
According to the video uploader, this Chinese firefighter was using “indigenous methods” of CPR to bring the girl back to life and I guess I shouldn’t be shocked it worked. They’ve figured out how to fix a human body by jamming sharp objects into it, goes without saying that they’d be able to bring a woman back to life by bouncing her up and down on a guy’s head and then jogging around with her like someone who won the Stanley Cup. I bet the first fu manchu guy wearing the hat Raiden has in Mortal Kombat who figured this one out during the Ming Dynasty was pretty confused. He was probably just trying to steal some unconscious woman and bring her back to his hut Chinese caveman style then all of a sudden the woman was back to life and asking questions like “Who are you” and “Where are you taking me?” and “How are you running so fast while taking your pants off?” Huge scientific breakthrough but also a real cold hard look in the mirror moment for that man.
I do feel bad for this girl for reasons even beyond than the whole almost dying thing though. When she wakes up and notices a throbbing soreness in her crotch along with bruises on her inner thighs surrounded by a group of clapping and high fiving Chinese dudes, I’m going to wager she’s going to have a whole lot to ask before embracing this guy as the hero he is.
SO CUTE. Love this couple. Well I love Kelly Hall mostly – former Barstool smoke, big time Instagram dominator and all around cool chick. That’s what we in the smokeshow biz call the total package.
Anyway I think all things considered they handled the engagement pictures pretty well. Romantic, cute, little bit corny, great butt shot. All areas covered. 4.5. Second best batch of engagement shots I’ve seen in the past couple years.
Texas K Nick Rose with a strong early lead on best headshot, 2014: pic.twitter.com/ejqREl23pn
— Paul Myerberg (@PaulMyerberg) July 29, 2014
Ok I think I jumped the gun with the last Kliff Kingsbury post. Maybe he doesn’t have the sole rights to owning college football. Maybe Texas kicker Nick Rose has a little piece of that pie. And the thing is you know this bro absolutely slays too. That’s a big swingin dick haircut if I’ve ever seen one. Chicks love the whole goofy quirky thing, then add that Longhorns jersey into the mix? Lights out for all the ass in Austin.
Hey Bieber you just got your look upgraded and facialed dude. What’s up?
Ok it’s official, Kliff Kingsbury owns college life right now. Not every season you say that about a coach instead of a player but facts are facts. Every week it’s something new and even more awesome than the previous week. Dougie’ing at practice, bringing ice cream trucks packed full of girls to practice, flirting with recruit’s moms, popping champagne in Vegas, hanging out poolside with Mavericks cheerleaders. Hey Coach save some abs for the rest of us.
All I can say is poor Larry Fedora. Guy thought he was going to sneak in the hardo tweet that would be the talk of college football social media yesterday:
Larry Fedora, w/daughter, on his 6-pack abs secret: “No beer, no cardio, lift weights 45 minutes 4 days/week” pic.twitter.com/9LgqEGPEcy
— Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) July 28, 2014
Only to have Kliff come right along and curb stomp him through the pavement. Cute daughter Larry but make way for King and his professional NBA cheerleaders please.
Introducing Danielle from ASU. Arizona State back in the house!
If you’ll learn one thing about me, it’s that I’m all about showmanship. Substance is great but it’s nothing if you don’t have some flair to match. And if this and the yoga chick in Taiwan are any indicator, the Pacific Rim is beasting us in style points before first pitches. This girl — Japanese actress Rina Takeda — just singlehandedly spit in the face of every first MLB pitch this season. 50 Cent has eaten for a decade off what a tough guy he is but can’t throw a regular pitch in the same area code as home plate. Meanwhile Rina here gave herself a 6.0 on the Ray Rice scale, broke all the blocks, then mean mugged at the camera at the camera like Randy Johnson in his prime before throwing a perfectly serviceable girl pitch for the K. Just a monster performance all around.
I’m not one of those Asian fetishizing white dudes but am I off base in saying Rina Takeda can get it just off this showing alone? She’s not the hottest I’ve ever seen but it definitely moved a little when she did her little Power Rangers pose after the blocks shattered beneath her, I’ve got to admit.
(h/t The Big Lead)
Introducing Kylee from Michigan State. If Monday is any indication we’re in for another banner week of smokes that’s for sure.