July 28, 2014 - August 3, 2014
In case you don’t have any liberal friends clogging your feeds with slacktivist nonsense, Upworthy is one of the first sites that exist entirely because of Facebook shares and their resulting traffic. Even if you’re not familiar, some of their usual headlines which look something like “Married Dude Is Shocked Woman He Sexually Harassed Stands Up To Him, Takes Him Down, And Tapes It All” or “These Women Once Wanted To Shed Their Skin; You Won’t Believe Their Reasoning” definitely will look familiar since every site on Earth has adopted some form of it.
Enter PornHub, a site with very little inspirational content. How can we make it more of a mainstream media destination? Easy, with these inspirational stories crafted by the cleverly named Fapworthy.org that actually link to porn videos with similarly related subject matter. It’s one of my favorite real things the Internet has done in a while.
Now this is the future of the Internet. A world where it’s not a crime to admit you watch porn in front of a large group. A future where you can accidentally click “Like” on the completely pointless share buttons on your favorite porn site without your entire world crumbling around you as a result. A place where you can be inspired yet still leave a Holocaust of your potential future children in a trusty sock that now has the texture of cardboard. Dream along with me, gentlemen. Let the glow of shameless pornography consumption shine through.
Introducing Bailey from Michigan. Currently top 10 in Smokesmash, and for good reason.
Warning: There’s some partial nudity of good and bad varieties here so be careful before clicking play.
I’m usually not much for these “fail compilation” videos; most of them you’ve seen before and it’s just an easy way for lazy YouTube channels to pick up some views. But I have to say that this compilation titled “The Ultimate Drunk Girl Fails Compilation (NSFW)” held my attention from start to finish. It was like one of those infomercials for a Greatest Hits album, just hit after hit, each one more enjoyable than the last. For just $19.99 paid in three monthly installments you can relive the magic of:
Cute Chick Paralyzed After Falling Ten Flights Onto Her Spine
Hot Girl Tries To Fuck A Tree For Some Reason
Menopausal Skank Falls And Breaks Her Hip
And so much more!
Is there any more paradoxical existence in the world than drunk chicks? Like 97% of all the breasts seen in public, covered in beads or without, belong to some drunk girl. But anyone who’s ever babysitted their drunk girlfriend when she vomits all over your closet or maybe had a white mom who indulged in a few too many Chardonnays knows how much of a nightmare they can be in the wild. But who do you have to thank for best sexual experiences you’ve ever had? The very same drunk girlfriend or the random slob pounding Blue Moons at Buffalo Wild Wings, probably. But then they pick a fight with strangers or insist on making sorority door chants when they stopped paying dues a decade prior and they’re back to being the worst again. Drunk girls giveth and drunk girls taketh away. Nature’s living yin and yang.
The Chainsmokers finally have their first single since the infamous “Selfie” due out next week, and in the meantime the NYC-based rising stars remix pop darling Bebe Rexha’s smash debut into an electropop banger perfect for any late summer party or pregame.
Want to see your sorority repped on the Stool? Send Tumblrs and Instagrams to email@example.com and we’ll feature it some point during the week.
Yeah this is an internet trend I wouldn’t have a problem with whatsoever. Spanish model Marta Castillo Ojeda kicking it off for us pretty well…
(Full convo via TFM :)
Remember this crazy chick? The one that painted this masterpiece?
Well she’s back in full force looking for another shot in the internet spotlight and, spoiler alert, she’s still fucking crazy. Got this little Tinder convo going viral though so good for her, I’m sure she has the pageviews rolling in right now. As for the Tinder my best estimate would put the conversation somewhere around 0% real. Maybe negative 1. I’m sure she’s going to come out and say it’s all part of some “artistic expression” or something, making a commentary on rape culture and football culture blah blah. If I’m Jameis the only expression I’d be making is a big ass smile while I file my lawsuit. Can’t be getting slandered and shit by some hippie artist, not when you’re on a positive PR blitz trying to get that image right for the draft.
PS – Speaking of getting the image right, this story hit the wire right as I clicked save on this draft earlier. Jameis Winston stopped by police and held to the ground at gunpoint in 2012. Guy just can’t catch a break.
Uproxx – Yesterday Vince posted the leaked test footage from a Deadpool movie starring Ryan Reynolds, who totally did not play the character in a movie before shut up shut up that movie doesn’t exist. The test footage seemed to be the video we heard about back in 2012, when the director (Tim Miller) had purportedly animated 8 minutes of test footage (voiced by Ryan Reynolds) at his company, Blur Studio. Rob Liefeld described the footage as rated R (which fit with producer Lauren Shuler Donner’s statements) and as close to Deadpool as we can expect.
Confirming that the leaked footage was indeed a selection from the 8-minute test video, Blur Studios has just released this higher-res version.
The leaked trailer someone shot on their phone at Comic-Con blew up over the weekend and, after the studio who created the spec trailer released an official version on Vimeo only for it to come immediately back down, they’re now trying to keep the above version from getting online.
It’s all very confusing; usually when test footage is leaked online or shown somewhere like a Comic-Con, it’s designed to get audiences interested (with the most recent example being Edgar Wright showing Ant-Man test footage unexpectedly in 2012 before Marvel committed to actually making the movie). But the Internet has already been frothing at the bit for a movie about this Deadpool character for years and years because I guess he’s the cool, wacky guy in comics because of stuff like these:
A mild chuckle? Maybe?
Maybe I’m just getting too old for this comic book movie thing but should I care about the fact they’re making a movie about Deadpool? Like I guess it’s nice that the film wouldn’t take itself that seriously but most of these movies — aside from when Ang Lee thought the Incredible Hulk was a parable about the innate loneliness of man — don’t take themselves that seriously. I love vintage Van Wilder/Waiting Ryan Reynolds as much as anyone, too, but hasn’t this guy gotten enough chances to fail already? A good decapitation where you use the severed head as a puppet warms my heart as much as the next guy but I feel overwhelmed by a sea of “meh” here. Just one of those times where I feel like I’m missing something.