There have been a fair amount of Abigail Ratchford blogs on here before and with good reason. Chick’s got an insanely beautiful face and wielding the type of cannons that’d bring a tear to Napoleon Bonaparte’s eyes. And obviously both those traits are incredibly noteworthy. But on an Internet full of insanely attractive women and even more warthogs who can trick a man’s eye like a gypsy in a Stephen King book, that alone isn’t enough to stand out.
That’s why I love the absolute cockiness of Abigail Ratchford posting a four-panel photo of herself without makeup on along with a full NBA summer league depth chart of crying emojis to remind the haters what’s up. Oh what’s that, other chicks? You’re naturally beautiful, too? Here’s one panel with me in bed with tits out for the boys, just to remind you I’ve got those as backup. Shot across the bow to all the other naturally pretty women out there who can’t leisurely slinging boulders big enough to chase Indiana Jones into a jungle full of natives.
There’s an even brighter side: Abigail is dating some kid named Jamie Iovine. Not some chiseled adonis or even an incredibly brilliant businessman, just a random bro like any of us, possibly even dorkier because he loves pro wrestling and posts videos of himself in Ultimate Warrior facepaint and even hung a WWE Championship belt above the couple’s TV. Only difference is he gets to post photos like this:
Oh and his dad is multimillionaire producer and mogul Jimmy Iovine, one of the co-founders of Beats which was just acquired by Apple for $3 billion and that connection gets them backstage at Avicii concerts and trips to an insane Malibu beach house and probably playing Yahtee with Snoop Dogg and god knows what else. But THAT is the only difference between you and him. Just find an old white dude named Mr. Drummond to adopt you and it’s a dead heat.