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14 Year Old Chick CRUSHES Van Halen

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May 2211:15AM EST

 

Eddie Van Halen you just got your dick stomped in bro.  Sign this chick up for the reunion tour and sign her up ASAP.   Give her a few tips on the performance aspects though.  Looked like she was about to pass out from boredom while crushing Eruption.

 

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Deshaun Thomas Refused to Give the Spurs His Cellphone Number Becaus He Doesn’t Want Too Many People to Have It

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May 2210:40AM EST

Ohio.com- If the San Antonio Spurs choose Deshaun Thomas in next month’s NBA draft, they might have a hard time reaching him to tell him. That’s because when the Spurs asked the former Ohio State star for his phone number Wednesday night, he refused to give it to them. Thomas said teams asked him plenty of difficult and interesting questions during his interview process at the combine. But the most interesting, he said, was the fact the Spurs’ first question was for his cell phone number and his e-mail address. He gave them the e-mail, but not the phone number. “I can’t go around giving it out to everyone,” Thomas said Thursday with a laugh. “Now if they want to draft me, I’d be happy to give it to them.” Thomas is projected as a second-round pick, although he’s still hopeful he can sneak into the first round. He departed Ohio State after averaging 19.8 points and 5.9 assists during his junior year to lead the Big Ten in scoring. Thomas returned to Indiana after the NCAA tournament and has been working on getting in better shape. He said he trimmed his body fat from “11 or 12 percent down to 8.5 or 9.” Thomas has been joined in his workouts by Greg Oden, who is attempting a comeback to the NBA next season.

 

I know that if you’re an NBA prospect you have to be careful about the information you give out. Even 20 years ago people had to worry about going first round in the draft and getting endless calls from their “cousins” on their land line telling them about the sick combination car wash/laundromat they want to open in their old hood. And shit’s only gotten worse since then. One night you give out your number to a girl at a club and the next thing you know you go online and see a picture of your dick and screenshots of how pathetic your sexting game is.

But there’s a difference between a court whore and a professional sports organization thinking about drafting you. Telling them to go fuck themselves when they want a way to contact you isn’t exactly going to propel you to the top of their draft board. Deshaun should be happy that his potential boss even wants his number. Every time I’ve ever texted Prez I get a “Who is this?” in response. Every single time. Basically the comments section of half the blogs I’ve ever written and I gave him my number two years ago.

If Deshaun really cares this much about his privacy he should just buy a burner and give himself an excuse to add another body to his entourage.

Soccer Goalie Blocks Game Winning Penalty Kick To Win State Championship…Oops It Rolls In While He’s Celebrating And They Lose

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May 2210:10AM EST

High-schoolers from Irmo and Lexington faced off on Saturday night in the South Carolina Class AAAA state championship match, and after 110 minutes of goalless football the game headed to penalty kicks.  After 9 penalties the score was 3-3, and it was up to Irmo’s Mattison Gossett to take the potentially match winning spot-kick.

 

Nothing better than watching soccer pussies get their hopes and dreams crushed on a bonehead play, well maybe watching it happen to Euros:

 

 

One of my favorite videos ever.  The pure jubilation followed so quickly by absolute crushing disappointment.    Just wish we had a close up of the goalie’s face, watch it morph from I’m on top of the world to oops, time to kill myself.  Not like it was a big game or anything, just the state championship.

Sergio Garcia Makes Fried Chicken Joke About Tiger Woods, Shocked When People Think It’s Racist

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May 229:29AM EST

GuardianSergio García’s ongoing spat with Tiger Woods took an unwelcome turn on Tuesday night, when the Spaniard made what could be interpreted as a racist remark about his opponent.  The Spaniard was on stage at the European Tour’s gala players’ awards dinner, where he was questioned by the Golf Channel’s Steve Sands. García, who has been embroiled in verbal battles with Woods since the Players Championship at Sawgrass this month, was asked in jest if he would have the American round for dinner one night during the upcoming US Open. “We will have him round every night,” García said. “We will serve fried chicken.”

García left on Tuesday night before he could be asked to clarify his remarks, but later issued a statement through the European Tour, saying: “I apologise for any offence that may have been caused by my comment on stage during The European Tour Players’ Awards dinner. I answered a question that was clearly made towards me as a joke with a silly remark, but in no way was the comment meant in a racist manner.”

 

Kind of sucks how everybody is jumping on Sergio here calling him a racist.  Why?   Because he mockingly said he was going to serve his biggest enemy on the planet who also happens to be black fried chicken for dinner?   Out of all the millions of foods he could have picked he went with the most stereotypical black food while talking about a black guy?  Whatever happened to the benefit of the doubt?    Yes Black people love fried chicken.  White people also love fried chicken.  I eat fried chicken like every day for lunch.  KFC is named after fried chicken and he’s the whitest guy I know.  Fried chicken is universal.   It’s something we can all come together and bond over.  I mean it’s not like he said he’ll serve collared greens and watermelon while wearing a white hood and burning a cross?  Maybe the dude just wanted to enjoy a good American meal with his buddy Tiger.    See this is the problem with racists and racist jokes.  They’ve completely ruined entire words and phrases for the rest of us like me and you and Sergio Garcia.

 

 

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Sam from Hofstra

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May 229:00AM EST
Click here to view with the old Gallery.

 

Introducing Sam from Hofstra.   Kicking it back up to the Northeast since it’s been a while.  NY Smokes always bring the heat.

New Music Video: Action Bronson – Strictly 4 My Jeeps

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May 219:00PM EST

Even if he wasn’t the best young lyricist to hit your speakers in a long ass time, every Action Bronson video would still be the best video ever.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Morgan from Coastal Carolina

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May 215:30PM EST
Click here to view with the old Gallery.

 

Introducing Morgan from Coastal.  The Myrtle Blackouts may be done for now but the smokes never stop.

The Other Tribe – We Should Be Dancing (The Soundmen Remix)

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May 215:00PM EST

The Soundmen do their best work when the weather decides not to suck anymore, and today they start their summer of music off right with an airy, funk’d out remix of The Other Tribe’s “We Should Be Dancing.”

Like The Soundmen on Facebook

Johnny Manziel Just Drilling Passes While Blindfolded

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May 214:30PM EST

 

Star-Telegram — The last thing George Whitfield Jr. expected was for Johnny Manziel to throw the ball. The Texas A&M star, after all, was blindfolded. Whitfield, a “quarterback whisperer” or, as he calls himself, a “quarterback engineer,” had never attempted the now-named Zorro drill with one of his protégés. He wanted Manziel to practice some air throws before actually throwing a pass to one of three receivers.

But on Manziel’s first three-step drop, Paris Cotton, standing some 15 yards away to Manziel’s right, clapped his hands three times, and the Heisman Trophy winner drilled the former Central Michigan running back in the hands. “Oh,” Whitfield said to Manziel, “you’re going to throw it.” Whitfield already had asked that all cameras be turned off, half-expecting Manziel to be all over the place once he did throw the ball. “I felt it,” Manziel said after the first blindfold attempt.

Manziel threw only two uncatchable passes in 29 attempts while blindfolded, prompting a bystander to ask if Manziel could somehow see.

Kid’s a freak. He’s a phenom. Already has a Heisman trophy, dime piece girlfriend, and slaps home runs out of major league parks like it’s nobody’s business. Oh, not to mention he’s training to become Daredevil next season. Take away one of his senses and the others become stronger. Absolutely insane. I’m pretty sure if he went deaf and lost his sense of taste he’d just have a six inch growth spurt and increase his bench by 100 lbs.

Only downside to Johnny Football is he’s starting to make me feel like a horrible person. When he’s not winning, he’s busy visiting cancer kids and not being a degenerate smut peddler.

NCAA Won’t Allow Kevin Ware To Keep Dog Toys He Received As Get-Well Gifts

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May 214:00PM EST


Sport Kings
- Ware is on the road to recovery, and has received an immense amount of support from around the country that was documented by Pat Forde of Yahoo! Sports.  The sophomore guard has been piled with letters and notes to the point where he has a person in the University Of Louisville’s office dedicated to handling and organizing the plethora of things being sent Ware’s way. Some supporters have taken it a step further, and have sent Ware gifts as a kind gesture. One problem: many of these gifts violate NCAA policy and cannot be accepted. Forde lists some of the gifts that have been returned or used for other purposes:

A significant amount of the mail has been flagged for Return to Sender by Louisville’s compliance office because it violates NCAA rules. That stuff is in a separate bin, in a different room.  Gift cards for iTunes, restaurants and bookstores must go back. The box of T-shirts that read “Be Ware The Cards” on the front and “United Cards 5″ on the back will be shipped to the Daniel Pitino Shelter for homeless women and children in Owensboro, Ky. The guy who sent his business card, offering to cut endorsement deals for Ware, will not get through. Neither will the bags of herb coffee.  The cash must be returned, too. Plenty of people stuck small bills in greeting cards. Audrey from Louisville sent a dollar in a Get Well Soon card with a teddy bear on the front.  “The dollar is because I was raised well,” Audrey wrote, “and I don’t want the NCAA rules to come into play.”

They do. Even for a dollar.

In an interview about the article that he wrote, Forde says that Ware was sent dog toys by a supporter which could not be accepted per NCAA policy. The toys were for Ware’s baby pitbull named Scar, who Ware got after his surgery and symbolically named after the giant scar on his leg, Forde explained.

 

 

Emmert should write a book or something, “How To Make The Wrong Decision With Literally Every Single More You Make.”   Focus on the U Miami investigation, sprinkle in some chapters on player penalties for tattoos and game jerseys, end with a bang with Kevin Ware having to return doggy bones he got in the mail.     Oh you broke your leg off your body on national television and all your teammates cried and blacked out because it was so traumatizing?  Fuck you and fuck your dog.  No treats.  No iTunes gift cards.  No herb coffee.  No teddy bears.  ABSOLUTELY no dollar bills.  Because if we let you reap the rewards of involuntarily amputating your leg on TV during March Madness we’ll have to allow everybody who snaps their leg in half to receive gifts from strangers and that just can’t happen.  Not on our watch.