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Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Genevieve from Notre Dame vs. Nika from St. Joe’s

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Jan 302:50PM EST

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Genevieve from Notre Dame

 

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Nika from St Joes

 

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1 for Genevieve…5 for Nika

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (28 votes, average: 4.11 out of 5)
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Jay Harbaugh Keeping Up The Good Family Name, Handwrites Letter To Chris Clark With Lots Of Exclamation Points

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Jan 302:10PM EST

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24/7 Sports - With Signing Day quickly approaching, Michigan continues to go all out for top tight end target Chris Clark. Clark, who will decide between the Wolverines and UCLA on National Signing Day next Tuesday, received an old school letter from tight ends coach Jay Harbaugh explaining 8 (Clark’s number) different reasons why he should commit to the Wolverines.

National Signing Day is right around the corner, and UCLA and Michigan are both in hot pursuit of Chris Clark, 4th best tight end recruit in the country according to ESPN.  Trying to tip the scales in Michigan’s favor, tight end coach and son of renowned hardo Jim Harbaugh wrote Chris a handwritten letter.  Since I doubt you have a set of binoculars on hand I’ve transcribed it below.  Let’s see what this #TheHarbaughEffect is all about.

1. We have used, know how to use and will use tight ends… A lot! 

Ok Sandusky.  Fuck, no, that was really stupid and lame.  Hopefully I think of something better by the time this blog publishes. (Spoiler: I probably won’t)

2. You can wear #8 here!

True.  Or just shove Jalen Ortiz in a locker when you get to LA and take it from him since you’re twice his size.

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Update for you morons out there – Ortiz plays receiver sometimes too, caught 4 balls last year for 27 yards.

3. 104, 909 – 74,340 = 30,569 more people will see it every week if you choose the big house!

That kind of math is above my pay grade so I’m gonna take your word for it here Jay.

3. We are close to Chicago/Indianapolis/Cleveland/Detroit/Madison/Milwaukee/Green Bay/Buffalo.

Hahahahah.  First of all you wrote 3 twice you idiot.  I just complimented your math skills too so now you made both of us look like dicks.  Second of all, if you take out Chicago that is, by no exaggeration, a list of the LEAST desirable cities in America.  Obviously I love Buffalo and the whole rust belt, we’re good, hardworking, blue collar people.   But don’t be an idiot, Jay.  Come on.  You’re better than that. Point UCLA.  Also, why no exclamation point after Buffalo?  That seems like a personal attack at me and I’m treating it as such.

4. We will have a QB… A good one!

Nowhere to go but up so sure, why not.

5. This is the BEST public school in America –> You didn’t survive Avon to go anywhere but the best.

Michigan is a really, really good school.  Don’t really have anything to elaborate on here.  Plus I hear there are tons of Asians if that’s your cup of tea.  But I guess UCLA is also a good school and probably has even more Asians so we’ll call this one a draw.  Also worth noting is how ridiculous his high schools name is.  Avon Old Farms School For Boys.  Hey Chris, do you know my friend Trent by chance?  He’s from Iowa but idk if maybe you met on a farming message board or something.  Nice guy.

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6. We have the most wins…. EVER.

Facts are facts.*

*Most of them came back before black people were allowed to play.

7. We have the biggest Addidas contract in the nation!! –> More gear!

Guess how much of that Adidas contract money you see?  Just guess.

8. This is a very special time @ a very special place.  That’s how legacies are cemented.  We are both going to be a part of that!  I promise you we will win and grow together. 

So you trying to be a Michigan Man or what?

P.S. I like how Jay Harbaugh sent him an entire fucking notebook instead of just the page the note was written on.  Harbaugh’s never give less than 110%.  Honestly that could be the deciding factor.  Is that college ruled I see?  Classy touch. #TheHarbaughEffect strikes again.

Dartmouth College Bans Hard Liquor and Frat Pledging On Campus

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Jan 301:40PM EST

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GlobeDartmouth College on Thursday announced sweeping changes aimed at curbing dangerous behavior on campus, saying it will ban hard liquor, forbid pledging at fraternities and sororities, and require all students to undergo a four-year sexual violence prevention program.

The major overhaul, spelled out by President Philip Hanlon in a speech to the Dartmouth community, places the school among the leaders of colleges targeting binge drinking, sexual assaults, and other problems. Hanlon warned Greek organizations that if they fail to make improvements, their future could be in doubt.

“Our aspirations will never be realized if we fail to address a vital component: the environment in which students live and learn,” said Hanlon, a Dartmouth alumnus.

The plan, called “Moving Dartmouth Forward,” stemmed from recommendations of a special committee of students, faculty, staff, and alumni Hanlon assembled last spring to explore ways to reduce dangerous behavior, which has bedeviled the Ivy League campus as well as other schools.

Dartmouth, which inspired the film “Animal House,” has been trying to shake its hard-partying image after drawing national scrutiny for excessive drinking and alleged Greek life misconduct, some of which was detailed two years ago in a former fraternity member’s sensational expose on alcohol-fueled hazing.

 

 

I’ve heard a lot of good ideas in my day, but banning hard alcohol and effectively driving the party scene even further off campus and deeper underground in an effort to improve “safety” is easily at the top of the list.  I mean what’s the best way to prevent partying?  Ban it.  That’s worked in the past 100% of the time, sometimes it’s just that easy.  Say no alcohol and everyone stops drinking.  Look at Prohibition.

AND as a bonus, a girl can definitely feel safer in some dark off-campus basement somewhere, far away from the police, bright lighting and emergency call boxes of campus.  Because don’t worry, everyone’s been enrolled in their 4 year sexual violence prevention program.  And if there’s one thing that will stop a fucked up creep who wants to assault a girl, it’s an online course.

 

 

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Big Sean (ft. Drake + Kanye West) – Blessings

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Jan 301:00PM EST

Big Sean #blesses us with a new single off Dark Sky Paradise, featuring none other than Drake (who we heard from last week on Sorry For The Wait 2) and Kanye West hot off a collab with Paul McCartney and Rihanna.  Look out for the album February 24.

P.S. Kind of sounds like “All Me” Part 2, in a good way.

This Australian Newspaper Dropped One Of The Meanest Obituaries Ever On Some Fat Dead Lady

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Jan 3012:20PM EST

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BF – Prominent national newspaper The Australian is under fire for its obituary of famed author and neurophsyiologist Colleen McCullough, who died on January 29, aged 77.

The opening paragraph of the obit was immediately ridiculed online for its sexist and inappropriate language.

 

 

This is tremendous. It’s absolutely the meanest writeup of a dead person I’ve ever seen, especially one who actually accomplished things like writing books and brain surgery (which, along with rocket science, is universally accepted as the hardest job around). Even Hitler probably got a mention for his art in his. But this one is so overtly terrible that it goes full circle back to being great. “Oh cool you churned out works of art and also excelled in one of the most difficult fields of science imaginable, crazy how you were able to do that despite being a homely pig woman.” I mean technically it only adds to her mystique. She could unravel the greatest complexities of the human brain but she couldn’t quite figure out how to be less doughy and aesthetically unappealing. It’s almost poetic. A reminder that God doesn’t give with both hands.

 
 

Real talk this obituary is fucked up and all but she’s kind of asking for it. “I’ve never been into clothes or figure and the interesting thing is I never had any trouble attracting men” is such a cocky quote and I bet it’s spot on. That Orson Welles pussy must be dy no mite. …well, I guess not any more. Probably smells better now though.

Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett Call The NCAA “One of the Biggest Scams In America”

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Jan 3011:30AM EST

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Richard Sherman

“I don’t think college athletes are given enough time to really take advantage of the free education that they’re given, and it’s frustrating because a lot of people get upset with student-athletes and say they’re not focused on school and they’re not taking advantage of the opportunity they’re given.

“I would love for a regular student to have a student-athlete’s schedule during the season for just one quarter or one semester and show me how you balance that. Show me how you would schedule your classes when you can’t schedule classes from 2-to-6 o’clock on any given day. Show me how you’re going to get all your work done when after you get out at 7:30 or so, you’ve got a test the next day, you’re dead tired from practice and you still have to study just as hard as everybody else every day and get all the same work done.

“[T]hose aren’t the things that people focus on when talking about student-athletes. They are upset when a student-athlete says they need a little cash. Well, I can tell you from experience, I had negative-40 bucks in my account. Usually my account was in the negative more time than it was in the positive. You’ve got to make decisions on whether you get gas for your car or whether you get a meal for the day. You’ve got one of the two choices. People think, ‘Oh, you’re on scholarship.’ They pay for your room and board, they pay for your education, but to their knowledge, you’re there to play football. You’re not on scholarship for school and it sounds crazy when a student-athlete says that, but that’s those are the things coaches tell them every day: ‘You’re not on scholarship for school.’”

Michael Bennett

“I think the NCAA is one of the biggest scams in America, because these kids put so much on the line, and they study hard, they play football as hard as they can, but if they don’t crack the NFL, then [the NCAA] says, ‘We gave you a free degree.’ That’s like me owning a restaurant and saying, ‘I’ll give you a free burger.’…I’m just giving you something I already have. Athletes don’t get enough credit, and a lot of the schools don’t really do anything for the guys after they graduate. I think there are very few schools that actually care about the players.

“Guys break their legs and they get the worst surgeries you could possibly get, they see the worst doctors, they get the worst treatment, then they’re stuck with injuries for the rest of their life, and to say that you get a degree doesn’t mean anything to me.

“I think the NCAA should come up with a plan for college athletes to receive some of the money they bring in for the schools. I think my school, Texas A&M, averaged $50 million just on jersey sales. They sell numbers of guys that don’t have names on the back of the jerseys, but we all know who No. 2 is for College Station: Johnny Manziel, he makes so much for the university but he doesn’t see any of the money.

“They need to come up with some kind of program. I would say, maybe $60,000 for every year you stay in college, and then at the end of the year they keep in some kind of 401k. You stay in college, you graduate, you keep that money until you’re a certain age, and then after that you get that money and you get to determine what you want to do with it. And that gives you the chance to do something special in life, because you give so much to the schools, and they just move on.

“Of course, they can pay Jim Harbaugh $48 million because they don’t have to pay any of the athletes. The athletes are the ones that make the school, it’s not really the coach. If Nick Saban doesn’t have those athletes that he has, can he still be Alabama?

“When I was in college, I’d be going to class, some student comes to me and says ‘I pay your tuition.’ I’m like, you don’t pay my damn tuition. My mom paid my tuition when she worked two jobs, and I woke up every morning at 6 a.m. and I worked hard. To think about it, it makes me so mad and irate that people are so simple-minded when it comes to something like that.”  [transcript via]

 

 

Not a Richard Sherman fan in the least but when you’re right you’re right.  NCAA is a corrupt system of frauds and assholes.  Insert South Park clip here:

 

 

Hey did you guys know Richard Sherman went to Stanford?

Honestly that was the thing that shocked me about these comments.  The fact that Richard Sherman didn’t mention the college he went to at least 4 times in that one statement.  (It’s Stanford, that’s where he went.  The answer is Stanford).

Kent State Bro Blasts Indiana Jones Theme Song Every Time The Fedora Wearing Professor Walks In To Lecture

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Jan 3010:50AM EST

 

[via Reddit] - One of my professors wears a hat that looks like Indiana Jones’. Someone did this when he walked into class today.

 

 

 

Pretty funny.  Judging by today’s college climate though I wouldn’t be surprised if this student was promptly removed from class, placed on social probation for 2 years and forced to write a 6-8 page essay on teacher bullying.

 

Indiana Jones movies, ranked.

 

1,435) Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

 

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(Did you know this has a 78% on Rotten Tomatoes?  Literally shocking. Worst piece of shit ever.  Fucking ALIENS!)

 

3) Temple of Doom

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^ this motherfucker

 

2) Raiders of the Lost Ark 

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1) The Last Crusade

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Dude drinking from the wrong grail and turning into a skeleton still haunts my dreams sometimes.

Guys Try To Pick Up Girls Using Only PornHub Comments

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Jan 3010:07AM EST

 

Props to these guys for finding the most efficient way to getting arrested for sexual harassment/curb stomped by any boyfriends in the area.  Just walk up to random girls and read the dirtiest comments you can find on PornHub, boom.

 

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I love how these prankster idiots have basically just adapted “it’s a prank” as the new get out of jail free card.  Like you can just walk up to anyone anywhere and say or do whatever you want then expect nothing to happen because “it’s a prank.”  That because you have an iPhone on record mode and a Youtube account that nobody should be allowed to get mad at you.   It’s like the new “no offense, but..” then you say the most racist shit ever.  “I would love to fuck that pussy and cum in that ass”…no no dude beating the shit out of me, it’s a prank! It’s just a prank for YouTube!  

The Game of Thrones Season 5 Trailer Leaks Online…Best Friday Ever

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Jan 309:30AM EST

 

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If there’s a better way to wake up on a Friday morning than seeing the trailer just dropped for Game of Thrones Season 5 I’d love to hear what that is.  (Ok maybe if you woke up next to Daenerys while all that happened that would be a little bit better, but still – pretty sweet.)

 

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“The Seven Kingdoms need a Ruler loved by millions, with a Powerful Army and the Right family name.

Good luck finding him.

Who said something … about “him”?”

 

 

 

Anyway big ups to the dude sneakily filming while attending a re-screen of Season 4 in IMAX, most hardcore/best/nicest fan ever.  That’s the kind of guy who’s read every one of the books twice and still doesn’t leave spoilers in internet comment sections.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Brittany from ASU

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Jan 309:10AM EST

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Introducing Brittany from ASU.  Helloooo Sun Devils.

 

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