Lotta emails about this one. I think my last couple of lax posts made people think I’m a big lax fan and actually enjoy the game and know what’s going on? Because I blogged that kid getting truck sticked times infinity I all of a sudden wear Middys and Air Max 90s and mesh tanks and walk around with my lax stick doing that little cradle move all day? Whatever, I’ll do that, I’ll fuckin own it. Lax fan with a capital L.
Scout – Whether Nebraska is slow playing Millard West defensive lineman Harrison Phillips or they just really need to see him in camp to form an opinion, other teams are putting the pressure on him to secure a commitment – the biggest maybe being Duke. On Saturday, Phillips posted multiple pictures of the Blue Devils efforts. The first being 115 hand written letters: Phillips responded with “Shout out to Duke. 115 personally hand written letters. Wow.” Minutes later, he posted another picture.
Oh did I say unique? I meant literally the most played out move in the recruiting game right now. I mean I’m just not sure it’s physically possible to be more annoying than to clog a guy’s mailbox with 115 handwritten fucking letters. Bring him to campus, tell him he’ll start, then set him up with 2 sluts to threesome the shit out of him after a campus party. How hard is that?
ABC – Accidentally butt dialing someone is embarrassing or inconsequential to most, but for two Fresno, Calif., men, their cell phone mishap landed them in jail. The call, which went to 911, started like any other call to the police dispatcher, with the operator asking, “What is your emergency?” But when no one answered, the operator didn’t hang up, instead staying on the line and listening to the pair, who police identified as Nathan Teklemariam and Carson Rinehart, both 20, as they talked about wanting to do drugs. It wasn’t long before the conversation turned to breaking into a car. “Get the bolt and give me the hammer just in case,” one of the two voices on the phone said. Shortly after that statement, the dispatcher heard a window shatter and the people on the phone started yelling that they found prescription drugs.
As the two were driving away, police were already in the area searching for the men based on clues that the 911 dispatcher was feeding to them. The police finally tracked the suspects down and pulled them over. The suspects acted confused and questioned what why they were being pulled over, police said. “Oh, he’s following me, dog,” one of the suspects said in the recording. “Wow, what the [expletive] did I do?” As they were being questioned, the suspects allegedly denied any wrongdoing, but after searching the car, police said they found items that allegedly were taken from the burglarized vehicle. After being cuffed, the suspects were finally told how they were caught. “This fool really called 911?” one of the suspects said. “Damn.”
Such a bad break especially when you’re an up and coming criminal enterprise like these two skilled burglars. Really puts a dent in your confidence. Here you are thinking you’re Danny Ocean pulling off the prescription pill heist of the century all the while you got 911 on the other line listening to you strangely describe in detail every single illegal thing you’re doing at every single moment you’re doing it. I mean aside from butt dialing your girlfriend while piledriving somebody who is not your girlfriend I got to say this is right up there at the top of worst butt dials ever? Like I don’t believe in God persay but when you sit on your phone in the middle of a felony and it connects you directly to the police in the area you got to wonder who hates your guts up there.
BRUNSWICK, Ohio — A University of Akron football star is facing an aggravated robbery charge after robbing a tobacco pipe store at gunpoint, according to Brunswick police. According to the report, Seth Cunningham, 21, entered the 24-hour store on Pearl Road Monday and waved a 9mm handgun in the air. He stole a water pipe worth $447 before taking off.
See this is exactly what I’m talking about. This is what happens when you refuse to pay your college athletes. They grab a handgun and rob a $447 bong from the local tobacco pipe store. Just another broke college kid who can’t rub two coins together to buy a meal or a bottle of soda or a fucking water pipe while the school gets rich off his talent. I mean how is the guy supposed to smoke his weed? Out of his hands? Wake up. Superstar stud athletes like University of Akron cornerback Seth Cunningham need to be paid for their services and they need to be paid now or else we’re going to have plenty more armed $447 water bong robberies where that came from.
Introducing Elizabeth from Cornell. Ever heard of it? And no I haven’t actually ever heard of any smokes from Cornell, until literally right now.
I had just started an internship and noticed my supervisor constantly bullying my co-worker in the workplace. The abuse were often physical. I confronted him about his behavior, but I felt his explanation was insincere. I fear that his appalling behavior would continue should I not be around to witness it.
Note to Pres. Want us to blog more on weekends? Don’t send angry emails. Come over here and punch my face 100 times.
PS – If this is what happens to a guy who files his TPS reports late I cannot even imagine the beating this Youtube whistleblower intern is going to catch once his supervisor sees this shit viral on the internet.
Daily Mail – A college student was so scared to tell his parents he was failing English that he faked his own kidnapping. Aftab Aslam, 19, received an F in English class at Georgia Gwinnett College and simply couldn’t bear to disappoint his family having failed the course already once before, Patch reports. On April 27 he fled from home and texted his parents on behalf of a group of make-believe abductors. The text said that their son had been kidnapped and warned them not to call the police or he would be killed. The parents did, however, phone the police, who also brought in the FBI for what they said was an ‘intensive investigation’.
Several appeals were put out for the teen, who unknown to them all was camping in a tent in an open field in Forsyth County. He returned home eight days later when the weather turned cold and wet. Initially, he kept up the pretense saying he had been drugged and held prisoner It appears he thought the relief of his being returned would stop his parents being angry when he eventually told them about his grades.
Not the first time we’ve had a kid fake a kidnapping to get out of trouble with his parents. Or the second. Or the third. At this point basically if you have a child, and they are enrolled in school somewhere, and you get a call that they’re kidnapped and being held bound and gagged at gunpoint, there’s a 99.5% chance they just failed a final. Don’t waste the headache with the FBI, just set up the grounding parameters, take their car keys away, and dock their allowance for 3 months in preparation for when they stumble home 7 days later. But I’m nothing if not consistent so I’ll say the same thing I said for all the others. Love this move, and I’ll always love it. High risk high reward like a motherfucker. Scared money don’t make money or in this case a bro who flunked English can’t escape getting his ass beat by a belt from his pissed off dad paying his tuition without staging an armed kidnapping and camping out in the park for a week.
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^^ fun tunes ^^
Introducing Paige from Loyola. Sending you out to the weekend on a high note. Have a good one!
Daft Punk weren’t the only ones releasing music this week, but they might as well have been.
