Remember The Girl Who Hates Barstool Because We Named ESU The #1 Underrated Party School? Her Newest Article Is About How Much She Loves Drinking And Partying
In case you missed it allow me to set the scene for you real quick:
5/7: Barstool, here’s a reality check from ESU by Valentina Caval
Excerpt: Please, can anyone tell me how in the world this is in any way good for ESU? Better yet, someone tell me how to talk my way out of this line when I get interviewed by a potential employer. Thank you for being polite for once, Barstool, but we all know what you mean by “substance.” Barstool has been quick to claim that it is just a concert with dancing and loud electronic music — one that apparently condones the use of booze and substances. On Barstool’s website: “Your school like to party. They like to drink and dance. They’re 18-22 year old kids living it up before they hit the real world.”
Newsflash Kmarko: The drinking age in Pennsylvania is 21. Oh, and it’s likes to party.
I remember my knuckles were a little bruised from the number of doors I knocked on that night.
Typical night: My cellphone’s battery drained early on, my hair had somehow collected itself into a pile on top of my head and I was wearing only one shoe.
This time I had landed in quite a predicament: I had somehow managed to get lost walking back to my ESU dorm from an improper social event held on Normal Street.
Clearly, I had spent a little too much time with a little too much booze.
Nevertheless, a Stroudsburg resident — whose name I am embarrassed to say I do not recall — picked both me and my pride up off the scuzzy Stroudsburg sidewalk.
She took me back to my dorm, where I fell into a deep slumber, waking up the next day with no recollection of the night.
Now, before I ruin my reputation, let me explain.
College and drinking are life partners. In the United States, more than 80 percent of college students indulge in a couple of drinks here and there, and almost half reported binge drinking in the previous two weeks, according to The Washington Post.
Drinking has been a part of college life from yesterday through yesteryear.
Margaritas, Jager Bombs, Lemon Drops, Swift Kicks and Long Islands are among some of the names ringing in the ears of college students as soon as Thursday arrives.
I am not ashamed to say that I condone this lifestyle. These untamed experiences are pieces of a puzzle that, when completed, ultimately shape who we become.
This blissful life of college shenanigans does not last forever. So I have officially turned in my shot glass as far as partying goes.
I went from finding bottle openers at the bottom of my book bag to finding endless piles of class notes.
Every night at a frat party turned into every night with my books.
And sneaking bottles into the dorm has been transformed into drinking one too many cups of coffee.
College academia will catch up to you, but that does not mean that we do not take great pleasure in running away from it — if only for a moment.
I cannot help but think that 30 years from now we may remember our wild experiences just a bit more than our workloads.
I do not regret any parts of my often inappropriate “social life” at ESU. Actually, I treasure every single unbelievably, hilarious chronicle of my untamed life.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that it’s OK to play beer pong the night before a big exam, and have a few shots on a Thursday night. It is simply just another part of the college experience.
Don’t forget that you are there for an education, but venture out to the wild side a bit.
So, it’s OK to lose your shoe once in a while — as long as you remember to wear two when graduation rolls around.
Valentina Caval is a Queens, N.Y., native who will be a senior in the fall at East Stroudsburg University studying communications and English. Follow her on Twitter @Val_Caval.
Ha good try Val. You know I do this professionally right? You think I don’t know when somebody is fucking with me? Writing 2 diatribes in the paper about how much you hate the Barstool Blackout and how much you despise the Underrated Party Schools list because drinking is illegal for college kids and it’s a disgrace to be known as a party school. Following it up with an editorial about how much you love drinking and partying and condone it and think everybody should do it. Literally bragging about how you blacked out on the street and got picked up by a random stranger. How in 30 years from now you’ll remember how wild you were. How dumb do you think I am? Can’t troll me bro. Too smart. Because I know even you couldn’t be that big of a hypocrite right?
And yes, in case anyone was wondering, yes I can and will hold a grudge forever.