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Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Julianne from Palomar

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Oct 235:30PM EST

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Introducing Julianne from Palomar College.  These small schools in Cali just churn out smokes.

 

 

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Vida Guerra Doing Squats In Yoga Pants Is The Only Throwback Thursday I Needed

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Oct 234:51PM EST

 

 

Vida Guerra is one of those models from the early 2000s who blew up entirely because she has a fantastically oversized ass. Her whole gimmick was that she was just some amateur model chick from Jersey who won a contest for former guy magazine FHM and was thrust into the limelight and, subsequently, featured on a shit load of magazines after that with covers like this:

 

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According to Wikipedia, Vida is 40 now and sure that’s theoretically way too old to be showing off your grundle on social media. But if I’m going to look at any picture that evokes the concept of “Throwback Thursday,” I’d rather have it be some chick whom I cranked would-be heirs out to in high school than some model who shows me her anus daily dropping a photo of herself as a kid to just confuse the whole thing. I don’t want to see models as kids. I want to see chicks past their prime finding inventive ways to look attractive even though their labia are practically touching the floor from years of dong traffic. Make me feel young again, the days where you jacked it as many times as possible in a day to see how many you can do, just shooting out droplets of dust in the name of self-exploration. That’s the kind of #TBT I prefer, not some girl who puts her tits out for photo likes showing me pictures that’d be more appropriately surfaced during Gary Glitter’s research for his autobiography. It’s time to make a stand. And it begins with Vida Guerra. It’s time to reclaim Throwback Thursday.

 

 

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Public Service Announcement: Vida also did Playboy back in the day and had some “leaked” nudes back when those existed just to get someone more famous. Throwbacks ALL OVER this Thursday.

CHVRCHES – Get Away

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Oct 234:10PM EST

Apparently they remade the Drive soundtrack, didn’t see it, don’t care, but there’s new CHVRCHES and it’s cool and they’re cool so that’s cool.  If you’re not familiar with the Scottish electropop trio, check out “Recover” and “Under The Tide” and anything else you can find from them because they’re one more dope album away from being superstars.

Jimbo Fisher’s Son Dresses Up As Jameis Winston For “Superhero Day”

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Oct 233:30PM EST

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Best role model ever? Or best role model ever?

 

 

Able to dodge rape allegations like speeding bullets, able to leap over misdemeanors in a single bound, able to escape any situation no matter how dire with nothing but a slap on the wrist…it’s Jamiesssss Winstonnnnnn.

 

 

 

 

PS – Savage lettuce on this kid.  I’d pay good money for the flow this little bro has.

 

 

UF Bro Posts Craigslist Ad Looking For New Gators Coach…Must Have Control Of His Wife And Make Sure She Doesn’t Open Her Mouth

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Oct 232:50PM EST

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Craigslist 

 

The state of Florida’s flagship university is seeking a Qualified Candidate to develop and implement an exemplary football program while providing leadership on and off the field. This position should be available no later than Midnight Saturday, November 29th, but as soon as early morning Sunday, November 2nd.

QUALIFICATIONS:
– Because UF is a DESTINATION coaching job, applicants must have ALREADY had head coaching experience. This is not a stepping stone job, nor does it offer OJT or other preparation for a job in the NFL or other university in the future. If hired, you must be previously groomed to 1) Win consistently, 2) Stay for more than 4 seasons, and 3) have composure when roaming the sidelines. Composure includes but is not limited to 1) not screaming at players & referees regularly as a result of your own shortcomings, 2) resisting facial expressions suggesting you are ready to commit violent acts on the sideline, 3) not taking personal shots at other fan bases on live tv after barely winning a game you should have lost, and 4) not looking like a deer in the headlights when things go wrong… repeatedly, caused on the field by your own first-teamers.
– To understand, embrace and embody the winning traditions associated with the University Of Florida. This includes winning games against in-conference rivals as well as the women’s college (aka the clown college) down the road. Winning every single solitary game is not required (Bear Bryant didn’t even win them ALL), but you must post a winning record against your key foes throughout your tenure as Head Football Coach.
– Ability to win games against glorified high schools and junior colleges, aka “cupcakes”, especially when the contest is held on the university’s own campus.
– To win football games in a manner that is not only acceptable on the scoreboard, but consistently impressive enough to fill a 90k-seat stadium on a regular basis. Must also re-establish The Swamp as a place feared by all opposing football programs.
– Knowledge of the university’s alma mater. Will be required to attend EVERY SINGLE post-game tradition of singing the same on the field; ALL members of the football team must also be in attendance and able to recite the same, whether you win your contest or lose.
– If you are a defense-first coach, you must possess the skill-set to resist altering/changing or otherwise undermining/torpedoing the Offensive Coordinator’s game plan and philosophy.
– Your offense must be able to score more points than the opposing team’s defense. Your offense must be able to score more points than the opposing team’s special teams as well. There can never be any confusion whether it’s the actual players in uniform instead of drunk cheerleaders/Albert/Alberta.
– Post-game press conferences must not sound identical nor contain the same excuses from one Saturday night to the next. Focus placed on ability to actually implement changes when on-field problems are identified in said conferences.
– Ability to start a quarterback that can discern between Gators players and opposing players when throwing passes. Said quarterback must also never possess any form of lubricant on hands (butter, baby oil, etc) when holding a football during game conditions.
– Must not be a graduate of the University of Georgia.
– Must have clean bill of health and agree to all medical screenings, to include the ruling out of any potential chest pains and esophageal spasms.
– Must be able to control his wife, ensuring she doesn’t open her mouth… ever. She’s not on the payroll, you will be.
– Must not have the last name of Zook. We tried you out once. Didn’t work out. Sorry.

If your last name is Spurrier, you can skip the interview process this time. Seriously. We’re sorry. Very sorry. The job is yours. We’ll help you pack. Name your price. Please come back.

Send all resumes to:
University of Florida
University Athletic Association
ATTN: Jeremy Foley, AD
PO Box 14485
Gainesville, FL 32604

 

 

 

 

Perfect ad.  God it’s got to suck being a football coach at a big time program that’s losing games.  Exactly the same thing as what we covered with Devin Gardner yesterday.  Yeah life is great when you’re winning and putting points on the board and packing the stands and competing for titles.  You’re the king of the universe.  If you’re a player you got awards lined up, scouts watching, your choice of chicks on campus, VIP access to anything you want in the state.  If you’re the coach you got $$$$$$$ coming out of your earholes and booster slobbing your knob and dozens of bigger and better prospects to choose from when the time comes.   Of course the other side of the coin is somebody pretty much exactly where Muschamp is right now.  Fans shitting all over your life and making long ass Craigslist posts looking for a new coach who doesn’t suck like you.    The highest of highs and the lowest of lows….

 

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Samantha from SDSU vs. Gabrielle from Oklahoma State

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Oct 232:00PM EST

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Samantha from SDSU 

 

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Gabrielle from OK State

 

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1 for Samantha..5 for Gabrielle

 

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Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Dumped Nail Polish Remover On Her Roommate And Set Him On Fire Because He Threw Away Her Leftover Spaghetti and Meatballs?

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Oct 231:15PM EST

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BN9 - Around 2:30 a.m., 33-year-old Melissa Dawn Sellers got into an argument with 42-year-old Carlos Ortiz Jr. at a home on the 300 block of Gunn Avenue. The two had been drinking, and Sellers doused Ortiz’s upper body with nail polish remover and ignited with him a lighter or cigarette, police said.

According to Ortiz’s friend and witness, Ines Causevic, Sellers was angry at Ortiz because he had thrown out her spaghetti and meatballs.

“She was setting little objects on fire, then that turned into pouring nail polish remover all over him, and then all of a sudden, the lighter sparked and he lit on fire,” said Causevic.

Causevic said she threw water on Ortiz and tore his shirt off, trying to put out the fire.

“When he got up, his face was like melting off, it was pink and sore,” said Causevic. “His lips were burning.”

Ortiz was taken to Tampa General Hospital, where he is listed in critical condition with burns to his face, chest and shoulders.

 

 

 

 

Hey roommate that’s on you bro.  Don’t come to me looking for sympathy as you try to stick your cheeks and lips back on your face.  I mean it’s obviously kind of an overreaction from Melissa but at the same time where the fuck do you get off throwing other people’s stuff away?  Just taking a perfectly good Italian dinner out of the fridge and dumping it in the garbage?  Who anointed you apartment waste management chief?   If it’s not yours don’t touch it.  Simple roommate rules.  Maybe you think it’s 1 or 2 days old but guess what, Melissa is fat and drunk and looking to cram some meatballs down her piehole at 2:30 AM.  Get in the way of that and who knows what will happen….wait, I forgot we know exactly what happens, she douses you in flammable liquid, sets your entire body ablaze and sends your ass to the trauma burn intensive care unit.

 

 

Top 10 Drake Songs of 2014

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Oct 231:00PM EST

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No album from Wheelchair Jimmy in 2014, but that doesn’t mean the greatest artist on the planet has had even a little trouble staying relevant.  Check out the 10 best records from Drizzy this year, from solo tracks to OVO features to Weezy duets, and continue to understand why every song sound like Drake featuring Drake.

P.S. If you’ve never read this do yourself a favor…

 

Click to stream and download the Top 10 Drake Songs of 2014

 

Click to stream and download the Top 10 Drake Songs of 2014

This Guy’s ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’ Tattoo Must Get Him All The Ladies

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Oct 2312:15PM EST

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Sure the “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy” meme is fun and all but has it gotten anyone laid yet? Probably not. Until now. You’re a girl going on a first date with this dude to a romantic candlelit wine bar. He’s a perfect gentleman. Pulls out your chair, engages you in conversation, touches your hand at just the right moment. The bottle of Malbec combines with the charcuterie to hit you just right. You should go home, you’re not that type of girl. But there’s magic in the air and you just can’t resist. He leads you out to his car, gently places his hand on the small of the back to guide you out and with every fingertip there’s electricity coursing through your body. Before you get into the car, he gently touches your chin to guide you up while he gives you a soft kiss on the lips, not too hard, not too soft, but authoritatively enough that, yes, this is a man who knows what he’s doing. You get back to his place. He takes you in. The kisses get a little sloppier as passion overwhelms you. You’re a little lightheaded but the connection you’ve shared tonight is too palpable to ignore. You want him to feel good. You kiss his neck, unbutton his shirt and there’s no undershirt to be found: This is on. You get down to the final few buttons, slowly taking them down though caution has no meaning at this point. And then you lay your eyes upon Art. Art in its truest form. You don’t understand what it says at first but finally the riddle reveals itself: A Wingdings recreation of a fake Internet meme about fucking a woman right in the pussy. This is love. This is enchantment. This is life and you’re finally living it.

 

 

Or, more accurately, he pulls his dick out at an Arby’s with a mouth full of roast beef and a cock head far too big for the shaft it’s attached to and you immediately spray him with mace and call the cops. Love takes many forms.

 

 

PS – It would be mathematically impossible for me to be any less surprised by the camo waistband on this dude’s underwear. Some things are just meant to be.

Notre Dame WR Justin Brent Just Chillin At The Knicks Game With Lisa Ann

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Oct 2311:40AM EST

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That’s how the fuck you get over a game losing controversial pass interference call!!!!

 

Justin Brent you motherfucker.  Being a D1 wide receiver for a gigantic program wasn’t enough, had to take down the hottest MILF porn star in the game while you were at it.  What a life.   And this isn’t just Lisa Ann taking a quick pic with a fan like she usually does.  These 2 definitely fucked.

 

 

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Look at that pose.  That’s not a smile for Instagram pose.  That’s a I’m About To Take You Back To My House And Treat You Like James Deen pose.  So jealous.   Is milfhunting an NCAA violation?  Asking for Justin Brent.

 

 

 

TMZNotre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent has serious game — even though he hasn’t scored on the field yet — last night he bagged legendary porn star Lisa Ann in NYC.

Brent, who’s just a freshman, mind you … took 42-year-old Lisa Ann to the Knicks game at MSG where they were all over each other during what our sources say was an official date.

We’re told they met earlier this year while Lisa was traveling, and in a cougar hall of fame move — she made the first move and gave Brent her number.