According to the video upload, these are “10 Sex Facts About Single Men That You’ll Never Believe.” Small problem: there’s literally nothing unbelievable about any of them.
Most single guys don’t want to look in a girl’s face if she’s busted to avoid reminding themselves of their own shame and guys would want to lie around and do nothing but enjoy the view if she’s not. This makes complete sense. The guy who loves sex standing up seems EXACTLY like a dude who’d like to fuck standing up, too. Probably also claims to have tantric sex and brags about it all the time too. “Yeah the first time I only lasted for four hours but once we got to six hours straight of pleasuring my partner, I knew I’d unlocked the secret, lol.” Fuck this guy. Rating: 478% Believable
The gay capital of the United States is the place single men have the most sex? Big time shocker there. Women are the superego of the delicate balance that is interpersonal penetration, without them it’s like a game of Jenga that’s gone on for hours, just begging for the downfall of society. There have been more surprising endings to videos on ISIS’s YouTube channel than this. Rating: 1000% Believable
It’s unbelievable that it isn’t 100% until you consider that 17% of men are highly likely to turn into disgusting liars when polled for a Buzzfeed video. The other 1% of men don’t have a high-speed Internet connection so they’re just using animated flip books or, god help us, magazines. Rating: 200% Believable
Tough call here. When you’re single, you probably want to fuck a lot because you’ve got a buffet of options out there, steak for dinner one night, lobster for dinner the next, tacos the following. But when you’re single but in a relationship…all that effort getting it up for the same girl for sometimes years straight. Yeah I could see how that might skew the numbers a bit. Sometimes a guy just wants to browse YouJizz rather than have to go down on his girl with the enthusiasm of a dying gazelle at a stream while hoping he remembered to DVR Brooklyn Nine Nine. Rating: 100% Believable
This is the only one in here I don’t believe. The number should be 100%. No condoms or pulling out for the rest of your life? You kidding me? I take vitamins every day, pretty sure I could take a pill that turns my loads into tapioca pudding for that gift from the sexual health gods. Rating: 46% of Men Are Fucking Suckers
Boom, think I just stole $500,000 of Buzzfeed’s valuation for Barstool by blogging this.