YouTube – Ever wanted to see porn, but too distracted by the sex to follow the plot? I’ve got you covered.
Absolutely brilliant idea by this guy to take one of those “Not Blah Blah Whatever XXX” parodies and just cut out the sex scenes so you have just a terrible movie instead. What was once a 96 minute opus to Dorothy getting banged by all sorts of weird monsters and midgets dressed up like the Lollipop Guild getting hollowed out by some dude (seriously, there’s like a 20 minute scene of this, I just checked) is now a tight 33-minute charming journey of self-discovery that the whole family — or, more likely, hipster bars in Brooklyn — can enjoy. Now that’s the kind of porn we can all get behind.
The concept of this video also struck a chord for me, particularly the time difference between the non-sex version and the sex version being an hour-plus differential. I got to thinking, how many hours of our lives have been wasted browsing porn or porn-related things like naked chick photos on Reddit or even perving on the Charlotte McKinney photoshoot? Have I wasted days of my life? Months? A year? I’m 29 and had Internet access when I was 10 and figured out porn shortly thereafter. That’s 19 years of doing some form of this. Combine it with the 56k modem I had for the first seven years of my life that put together photos with approximately the same speed as Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel and I’m thinking two months of my life spent seems like a bare minimum projection. Just one of those things I’m better off not knowing but can’t help but want to find out.
PS Full video is on PornHub if you, ahem, need to compare versions. Search “Not The Wizard Of Oz XXX Parody” and skip 19:00-27:00 unless you want to see li’l Vienna sausage fingers work a dude over for way longer than I would have advocated for. But who am I to question the artistic integrity of the kind of director helming a porn parody of The Wizard of Oz? Artists make art, critics just criticize.