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Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Sam from SMU vs. Lane from UGA

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Sep 22:20PM EST

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Sam from SMU

 

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Lane from UGA

 

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1 for Sam…5 for Lane

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (136 votes, average: 4.37 out of 5)
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LSU Professor Gives Assignment To Correct Les Miles’ Horrible Grammar In Press Conferences

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Flsu-professor-gives-assignment-to-correct-les-miles-horrible-grammar-in-press-conferences%2F
Sep 22:00PM EST

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Poor Les.  No respect.   Not even from his own campus.    Guy is 96-24 at LSU, consistently pulls in big time recruiting classes, competes for SEC titles and national championships and all anyone says about him is that’s a borderline functioning idiot.   Hey I’m as guilty as anyone, nobody provides better blog material than Les Miles with a microphone in front of his face.

 

 

 

 

 

Or basically just any sort of camera.

 

 

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PS – If this was at Alabama how fast would Saban have this professor’s tenure revoked and shipped off to teach basic ESL in Cambodia?

Barstool Fantasy Football Preview: How To Use Week 1 To Win Your League

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Sep 21:15PM EST

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They make it look so easy on The League. Someone commits a Seinfeld-ish faux pas, Marshawn Lynch comes in and hits on the one girl in your league, you pick up a guy on waivers and make some snide remark to one of your friends and boom, bathing in winnings and trophies named after Indian women.

Unfortunately, real life isn’t quite as simple. There’s a lot of luck involved in fantasy football as would be expected putting your life in the hands of random large men you’ll never meet who have no clue you exist. And there’s even more luck involved with picking your fantasy expert of choice: The problem is that outside of injuries and informed conjecture, no one really knows anything.

That’s where I come in. As an expert in succeeding despite not really knowing anything in most areas of my life, I’m deeply qualified in being Barstool’s fantasy football expert. My credentials speak for themselves: I’ve won my longstanding fantasy league TWICE in the last four years and I obsessively read football-based articles to have some sense of what’s going on. And, most importantly, I’ve got a strategy that works.

 

 

At its core, fantasy football is about two things: 1) Mitigating risk by picking steady guys with value over replacement at their position (your Petersons, McCoys, Calvin Johnsons on the high end, an Antonio Brown, Vernon Davis, or Andrew Luck on the slightly lower end) and 2) Working waivers obsessively in the hopes of finding someone at the bottom of your lineup who can step up and rise to the occasion of stardom or, at the very least, steady competency, will put you ahead of the game. Last year a WR2/Flex upgrade from let’s say Steve Smith to Alshon Jeffery would have singlehandedly won you a league if you had steady performers around them.

Paying attention Week 1 is especially crucial for winning your league. Last year, guys like Keenan Allen, Julius Thomas, Zac Stacy, Julian Edelman, and Jordan Cameron were out there after Week 1 and singlehandedly swung a season. At the same time, guys like Eddie Royal, Vick Ballard, and Leonard Hankerson were popular pickups and did approximately jack shit. If you knew who was legit and who was smoke and mirrors, you probably picked correctly and won a lot. If you picked wrong, odds are you were mired in mediocrity.

By now you know who’s good and who’s not; it doesn’t take a genius to tell you to start Peyton Manning until his spine turns to dust. So I’m going to take you through some of the guys I think can help you win your league if you had a decent draft to work off of. Some will pan out, some won’t, but I like the chances of several of these guys completely strengthening up some weaknesses on your fantasy team.

 

 

So whom should you keep an eye out for that could swing your league this season? Here are the players I think you need to watch:

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Josh McCown, QB, Tampa Bay – New coach, new offense, new WRs, and McCown carrying momentum from a stint covering for an injured Jay Cutler last year where he played out of his mind. They’ve got the weapons, they tried to improve the line with their trade for Logan Mankins, and they’re a good candidate for a “new coach bump” with the shift from Greg Schiano to Lovie Smith. Tough matchup vs Carolina but if McCown shows flashes, jump on him early, especially if you’ve got one of the Romo/Roethlisberger poo poo platter as your starter. I wouldn’t be shocked if McCown peels off several 250-300 yard, 3 TD days with regularity this season.

 

John Brown, WR, Arizona – Lost amongst the standard rookie WR hype for guys like the Bills’ Sammy Watkins, Saints’ Brandin Cooks, and Panthers’ Kelvin Benjamin (PS Benjamin is the dude, really like his odds of being this year’s breakout given how you or I could start at WR for the Panthers right now) is Brown, a tiny 3rd pick with 4.4 speed looming as a contributor. The hype around Brown, particularly amongst real football analysts, is bordering on sycophantic. I’m not sure how many balls there’ll be after Fitzgerald and Floyd get theirs but I like Brown’s chances of emerging as a steady WR3 with upside along the lines of a rookie year TY Hilton. The Cardinals are a dark horse in the NFC West with a chance of the 49ers D falling apart, Seattle regressing, and the Rams being the Rams so Brown may have a lot of chances to matter.

 

Zach Ertz, TE, Philadelphia – Ertz may or may not be available in your league, depending upon how big it is. But if he is and you don’t have one of Graham or Gronk and the room to stash and extra TE, I’d invest now. Ertz showed flashes last year with a little under 500 yards and 4 TDs and with another year of Chip Kelly’s offense and regular starters’ minutes coupled with uncertainty at WR, those balls have to go somewhere. Don’t be surprised if Ertz finishes between 3rd and 5th in TE points by year’s end regardless of if Nick Foles keeps the job or Mark Sanchez somehow rises back to glory.

 

Khiry Robinson, RB, New Orleans, Jeremy Hill, RB, Cincinnati, Terrance West, RB, Cleveland, Alfred Blue, RB, Houston, Andre Williams, RB, NY Giants, and Benny Cunningham/Tre Mason, RB, St. Louis – Running back is always a major waiver priority and you HAVE to be aggressive with it. Every season, one RB rises out of nowhere to fantasy relevance and finishes on the cusp of the top 10, likely a massive improvement on whomever you’re currently rolling out at RB2. Hill’s likely already gone in your league given BenJarvus Green-Ellis’s release but do your best to take a shot on one of the rest. Week 1 will be the big tell on who’s really going to get an opportunity and who’s not so I couldn’t advocate more trying to grab one of these guys now. Churn the bottom of your roster if you have starters and are carrying a low-ceiling guy like Darren McFadden or Pierre Thomas. This is your best chance at a game-changing lottery pick.

(My rank of all those guys: Hill, Williams, Robinson, West, Blue, Cunningham/Mason – who both seem primed to take advantage of a slow start from Zac Stacy but it’s unclear who’d get more of an opportunity)

 

 

So there you have it, our first fantasy breakdown. I’ll keep dropping these once a week on Tuesdays in the hopes that I won’t completely embarrass myself in print (well, any more than usual) by season’s end. If you have fantasy questions or suggestions, drop them in the comments and I’ll do my best to help/speculate in an effort to sound like I know more than you even though I very likely do not.

Lemaitre – Wait (Elephante Remix)

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Sep 212:40PM EST

Elephante gives Norwegian disco dudes Lemaitre the remix of the century, spinning the exquisite indie-pop original into a funky banger that’ll have everyone wiggling and twerking and whatever else it is the kids are doing these days.

Click here to download “Wait (Elephante Remix)”

 

The Blackout Tour Continues The Fall Tour…. Worcester October 24th and Hartford October 25th

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Sep 212:15PM EST

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School just started… and you know what that means, its time to Blackout! We’re bringing you two more shows, one in Worcester at the Palladium October 24th and one in Hartford at the Webster Theatre October 25th. Tickets go on sale Thursday at NOON  and both of these will sell out. Hartford, Worcester get ready to Black the Fuck Out!!!

 

 

Barstool Blackout: Worcester –  The Palladium – Friday October  24th – BUY TICKETS  (Tickets on sale Thursday at NOON )

Barstool Blackout:  Hartford – Webster Theatre – Saturday October 25th – BUY TICKETS (Tickets on sale Thursday at NOON)

UF Sorority Alpha Omicron Pi Goes #TitsOutForTheBoys To Celebrate The End Of Rush

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Sep 211:30AM EST

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UF - An inappropriate picture of UF’s chapter of Alpha Omicron Pi Sorority (AOPi) sisters is circulating on social media.

In the photo, five sisters flash the camera while smiling and posing at a party.

One post on Facebook read, “And with this, the seniors say goodbye to Recruitment forever.” The photo has also appeared on Twitter and mentioned on the smartphone app, Yik Yak.

UF spokeswoman Janine Sikes said the photo has come to the attention of UF administration.

“Steps are being taken to address the issue, and we talked to the chapter president and asked her to advise headquarters,” Sikes said.

“It doesn’t appear to be a conduct violation, but this is something these women will have to live with for the rest of their lives,” Sikes said.

 

 

NSFW picture 

 

 

 

Sorority girls.    God I love sorority girls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey UF Spokeswoman, ever been to college?  Pretty sure flashing a little bit of butt and boobies isn’t at the top of the list of things sorority girls will regret having to live with for the rest of their lives.

 

 

 

 

PS – If anyone turns up evidence that this picture isn’t actually UF sorority girls please don’t tell me.  Please just let me have this one thing.

 

2016 Recruit Kwe Parker Puts Out The Single Most Ridiculous Dunk Mix Of All Time

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Sep 210:50AM EST

 

 

That sound you hear is the cash counter in Coach Cal’s office firing out $20 bills and the zippers of some XL duffel bags opening and closing.  Just no chance he’s going to stand for this:

 

 

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Not after that display.   Seriously this kid is 6’2″.  6 feet 2 inches.  How is this even humanly possible?

 

 

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That’s just sick.  Plain and simple.

 

 

 

Three Winners And Three Losers From The Weekend In College Football

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Sep 210:15AM EST

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(pictured: losers)

 

 

- WINNER: High-paced offenses:

 

Specifically ones from the state of Texas. Of course, the high-octane machine in Oregon was firing on all cylinders (No Time of Possession? No problem). But the real impressive performances came from Baylor, who’s first half against SMU was as dominant as a football game can look, and Texas A&M who suddenly catapulted themselves into the SEC-contender conversation and aroused questions about if Johnny Football was more a product of Kevin Sumlin than anything else. More on this later in the blog.
Also shoutout for the West Virginia offense for giving Bama everything it could handle. It’s an open-secret that the coaches for WVU are huge stoolies, using Big Cat as a play card and sending Blackhawks blogger @BarstoolChief free Mountaineer swag in exchange for his fandom. Here’s to a great Big 12 campaign in Morganstown.

 

-LOSER: The Big 10:

 

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The big loser of the week was the Big 10! It feels like bowl season already! Just look at the four favorites to win the conference! Ohio State against Navy? Needed a big fourth quarter to squash Navy’s upset-bid and looked extremely soft on defense! Iowa against Northern Iowa? Came down to the last possession for them and their secondary looked like one of the worst in football! Wisconsin against LSU? Lost one of the most heart-breaking and horrifically-coached losses in recent memory! Penn State needed a late field goal to eke out Central Florida, Northwestern lost a winnable game, injury and transfer concerns and all, to Cal. We couldn’t even blow out Youngstown State or Western Michigan (thanks Illinois and Purdue!) The only one who had positive weeks were the two teams from Michigan, where they did an excellent job stomping out inferior opponents. So good job to them I guess?

 

-WINNER: Todd Gurley’s Heisman Campaign:

 

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Of all the current Heisman favorites, Todd Gurley was by far the most impressive and it wasn’t even really close. Want to know how good this kid is? In his total career, which spans 402 carries and 2,572 rushing yards, he has just 50 yards of loss. No one is a better vertical, North-South runner than him. And with Hundley of UCLA looking unimpressive, Winston having flashes of brilliance but being altogether uninspiring, and Melvin Gordon’s stats probably going to be largely discredited now to being against terrible opponents (remember, the Heisman is more about media hype more than reality), it was a GREAT week if you were one of the people who took the Georgia Running back at 12/1 to bring home the hardware.

 

-LOSER: Gary Andersen’s Honeymoon Period:

 

Obviously what happened in the Wisconsin game doesn’t need to be recapped here. A quick look at LSU’s win probability chart will tell you everything you need to know about that game. The Badgers hopes of reaching the Four-Team playoff are essentially zero now; the only situation I can see that would allow them to contend again would be if Michigan State beat Oregon, and Wisconsin beat Michigan State in the Big 10 title. Even then, the Badgers would have an outside shot of entering. While the fallout will play out how it will, one thing is clear in Madison; the honeymoon period for Gary Andersen is over. The dream hire for many UW fans is now 0-5 in close games during his tenure in Wisconsin, and while some of that is outside his control, it’s a troubling trend that has not escaped the eyes of his fans and detractors alike. I know for a fact, from a little bird who whispered something to me, that Melvin Gordon was not seriously hurt in that second-half. His 2 total touches after opening the 2nd half with a 60+ yard gain is even more head-scratching the further away you get from it. Andersen’s seat isn’t warm, yet, by any stretch. But questions are being asked.

 

-WINNER: New-Guard SEC Coaches:

 

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Hugh Freeze, Guz Malzhan, and Kevin Sumlin, stand up! I won’t regurgitate the roughly 7500 articles on the internet right now about how Sumlin’s beatdown of Spurrier at home looked like a passing of the torch, and ironically stirred up memories of when the Old Ball Coach himself revolutionized the conference in the 90’s. I will say however that my biggest takeaway of the weekend was that for a conference that has been moving from being characterized by impossibly tough defenses to being a more offense-driven conference, those three coaches are thrusting the SEC even further in that direction by the day. The Freeze system works for Ole Miss and will go as Bo Wallace goes, still the Jekyll and Hyde of quarterbacks even in his senior year. But when his decision-making and accuracy are there, the Rebel offense looked like they could move the ball against anyone. Malzhan’s two-QB system proved effective as hoped. Sumlin’s offense led by Kenny Thrill (that’s all I’m calling him this year. His name is Kenny Thrill now) looked unstoppable. The clash of styles this year in the SEC will be terrific.

 

-LOSER: BCS Buster’s Playoff Hopes:

 

You don’t need to be Kirk Herbstreit to know a BCS Buster wasn’t making the playoffs, but some of the more contrarian analysts insisted not to overlook Boise State, Fresno State, and Central Florida. Well, much like Michael Corleone, all the family business was settled in week 1 by the Power 5 conferences. Sorry non-AQ’s, not your time to sit at the Big Boy’s Table just yet.
And finally…

 

 

-WINNER:

 

Gamblers who write for BarstoolSports.com . Big Cat and Pres in their gambling podcast debut each went 1-0 in their mortal locks. Impressive work fellas, although I will note that I tweeted TWO mortal locks and went 2-0 on them (Ole Miss -20 and Georgia -7.5). You can get more of those mortal locks by following me on twitter @CharlieWisco. And THAT is how you seamlessly and shamelessly plug yourself and end a blog at the same time. Until next time.

Barstool College Football Roundup: Week 1

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Sep 29:30AM EST

It’s good to be back!   Week 1 is in the book and that can only mean one thing, everybody’s favorite college football blog on the entire internet has returned.   Going to make it a little more organized and formatted this year, let’s jump right into it with no regard for human life like a bunch of Baylor students.

 

 

 

 

The Top 10…

1) Florida State

Number one team in the country looked a little rough around the edges coming out of the gates.  Luckily Jameis was around to do Jameis things and get it under control.  Almost forgot how good he is.

 

 

Don’t sleep on that OK State QB though.  Dude was pretty electric.  Well, except for this crushing, game losing fumble.

 

 

PS – Red Lightning mixing it up in the middle of a brawl, would you expect anything less?

 

 

 

2) Alabama

 

Another top team, another struggle to kick off the season.   In a nutshell:

 

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Hard to put on the blame on them though, with the plays they had to go up against:

 

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Bear Bryant himself would find it kind of tough to coach against a team with a mustachioed blogger going tits out for the boys.

 

Don’t tell Clint Trickett they lost though.  After throwing a 1 yard pass to the flat on 4th and 11 to close out the game, all he could think about was trying to smash out Kristen Saban…again.

 

 

3) Oregon

 

Didn’t watch, this shit is on too late for me, but it looks like nothing but Golf and Yoga kept Mariota’s head on straight and focused on nothing but the Heisman.

 

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4) Oklahoma

Easy win, easy action in the stands.  Great start.

 

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5) Ohio State

 

Unimpressive and flat and, no matter what the final scoreboard says, squeaking by Navy.  Life post- Braxton might be a lot tougher than everyone thought.

 

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(more…)

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Mel from Kent State

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Sep 29:00AM EST

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Introducing Mel from Kent State.  Golden Flash bringing you back from the holiday weekend in a big big way.

 

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