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Study Says People Who Drink A Lot Have Memory Problems #Science
Jul 3010:50AM EST

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Wall Street Journal - People who have a history of drinking problems by the time they are middle-aged are more than twice as likely to exhibit memory problems in later life as those who don’t, according to a study that followed 6,500 Americans for two decades.

A drinking problem was defined as answering yes to at least two of four questions in a widely used screening questionnaire for alcoholism: Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking? Have people ever annoyed you by criticizing your drinking? Have you ever felt guilty about drinking? And have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning?

For the study, researchers at the University of Exeter in England examined records from a major longitudinal study that tracked the health of thousands of Americans born between 1931 and 1941. Participants answered the alcohol questionnaire when they were first interviewed, in their 50s and 60s, and had follow-up cognitive assessments every other year from 1996 to 2010.

Only 16% said they had a drinking problem at some point. They were far more likely to show memory problems on the later word-recall tests, according to the study published in the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry.




Ok let’s make one thing clear right off the bat.  Answering Yes to 2 of the 4 questions up there absolutely does not mean you have a drinking problem by any stretch of the imagination.  I mean unless you have the scale set to “ultra pussy” that’s just absolutely absurd to suggest that.   Let’s just take a look at myself for example.  Have I ever felt I should cut down on my drinking?  Every single morning that I wake up with a pounding headache and a credit card bar tab in my pocket that I definitely can’t afford.  Have people ever annoyed me or criticized my drinking?  Uhh yeah, ever gone out drinking with a girlfriend before?  Ever been to dinner with your parents?  Keep the bottles of wine coming waiter, don’t mind my mom.   Have I ever felt guilty about drinking?   I’m sure there were a few friend’s weddings and family vacations that I could have toned it down a little bit, yeah. Probably got a little bit obnoxious in some classy formal situations.  Sure, who hasn’t.  And have I ever had a drink first thing in the morning?  Is that a joke?   They’re called breakfast drinks for a reason.  Why did God make orange juice, vodka, champagne, and Bloody Mary mix if we weren’t supposed to drink it on a Sunday morning after we hop out of bed?

That’s 4 out of 4 right there.  And there’s no chance I have a drinking problem.  I’m not even drunk right now.   Seriously that’s how I define it.  I’m sitting at home in shorts and a t-shirt blogging about alcohol and boobs for the day, and I’m not drunk.  Self control like you read about.


Oh wait I forgot to mention the actual study that was the purpose of this blog.   Ok I guess that kind of proves its point a little bit.

Guy Being Interviewed Live On The News Says The UCLA Flood Was Caused By Someone Taking A Massive Dump
Jul 3010:00AM EST


Last night…UCLA Campus is Currently Under Water 




There’s one thing that never gets old.  In a world full of cultural shifts and changing tastes, one thing you can always count on to be funny:  prank calls.  Just pick up the telephone, dial in somewhere, and make a dick, poop or fart joke.  So good.  So classic.  Louis Slung Poo for the win.





PS- Not like there’s a massive drought or anything in Cali right.  Who needs 10 million gallons of water?





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Dude Knocked Out Of $1 Million Buy-In Poker Tournament on ESPN With Literally Worst Bad Beat Ever
Jul 309:30AM EST


USA TodayThis hand right here — from the WSOP Big One for One Drop, which aired Tuesday night on ESPN — is without a doubt the worst bad beat in the history of poker.

Let’s start with this crazy fact: These guys paid $1 million to play in a poker tournament, the only tournament of its kind with $15,306,688 to the winner.

Both Connor Drinan and Cary Katz picked up pocket aces, and after some pre-flop raises and acting that included an ominous message from Katz, they naturally got their money all in, but only Drinan was at risk of being eliminated. But, c’mon, what’s the worst that could happen when they’re an identical 2% to win a pot they split 98% of the time?




As someone who used to absolutely the crush the college dorm poker scene back in the Hold Em glory days I know all about bad beats.  Still vividly remember losing with a lower straight flush to the fucking kid with a samurai sword collection on his wall from 3 doors up to the left.  First time I played at AC I busted out on my very first hand with pocket aces.  Still makes me sick to this day and we’re talking about like a few hundred bucks there.  This motherfucker just lost ONE MILLION DOLLARS.  $1 million on pocket aces vs. pocket aces.  $15 million on the line.  On ESPN, in a big tournament, with a camera in your face and commenters narrating your every move.  Just does not get worse than that.  Not even Doyle Brunson’s Super System can prepare you for that shit.


If I’m this Drinan cat the first thing I’m doing is playing the biggest Powerball jackpot I can find and just kicking back waiting to win.  Nobody has ever deserved more from God at this point.




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Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Jordan from Indiana
Jul 309:00AM EST



Introducing Jordan from Indiana, the recent star of #BarstoolBuns.  Now you can put a face to the smoke.

UCLA Campus Is Currently Under Water
Jul 299:54PM EST

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Scene from the new Blu Ray release of Noah?  Nope, just a casual day on UCLA campus.  Strolling through the quad getting tsunamied out of the blue from a broken water main.  75,000 gallons of water a minute…no biggie!

Album: PartyNextDoor – PartyNextDoor 2
Jul 299:00PM EST


Today PartyNextDoor dropped off his new album “PartyNextDoor 2,” adding further proof that R&B is straight up dominating Summer 2014. Stream some tracks off PND2 below and if you don’t already know that “Recognize” is the best song in existence, well… you gon learn today…

Stream the rest of “PartyNextDoor 2″ here

Stream the rest of “PartyNextDoor 2″ here

Josh Gordon Is Appealing His Pot Suspension By Claiming It Was All Second-Hand Smoke
Jul 295:50PM EST

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The Big Lead – Josh Gordon, facing a one-year suspension, has his appeal hearing set for Friday. According to Pro Football Talk, the appeal will focus on the difference between the “A” and “B” samples, while ESPN also adds that the legal team plans to make an argument that it is the result of second hand smoke.

The discrepancy between Gordon’s “A” and “B” samples is slight. The “A” sample was slightly above the cutoff. The “B” sample was slightly below. But, the NFL’s Drug Policy only requires enough to confirm the presence to the “limits of detection.” With the A sample being over the threshold, the discrepancy, in and of itself, is not grounds enough to reverse.

An expert will likely be brought in to say that the NFL standard allows for tests to register as positive based on second hand smoke. Then, they could point to the previous passed tests and the B sample to further bolster a second hand smoke argument. That at least gives Gordon a fighting chance.


I’m 100% behind Josh Gordon on this one. First reason, which I mentioned on Twitter last night, is that I’m pretty sure I’m the only regular pot smoker on the Barstool staff and, based on the bylaws of being a member of the National Association of Publicly Annoying Stoners, means I have to advocate for any and all uses of pot including but not limited to the recreational, medicinal, and knocking myself into a coma to mentally flee from the monotony of work-a-day life while simultaneously greatly improving the quality of shows like Rick and Morty.


Given all of that, I’m obviously going to fully support Josh Gordon. But my main reason for supporting him is that he loves pot, probably smokes it all the time, and if he’s able to things like this…


…while stoned, he may be one of the greatest American athletes in history. He missed two games last year for another pot suspension and still led the NFL in receiving yards by over 150 yards and he did it with guys like Brian Hoyer and Brandon Weeden throwing to him. Do you have any idea how insanely hard that is at your absolute peak sobriety? At my last job I tried blogging high one day and I could barely put a coherent thought on paper, let alone a fully formed blog of any sort. If you tried to have me do anything vaguely athletic, there’s a 40% chance I’d have spontaneously combusted.


Meanwhile Josh Gordon is out there dominating everyone, including his peers likely using far more potent substances that enhance athletic performance, and we’re going to suspend him for a season? At the minimum, he should be lauded. In a perfect world, he’d be allowed to score like an autistic kid in one of those feel good high school videos once a game just to even out the inherent challenges of getting way too high and pounding every carbohydrate in a 7-Eleven. It’s a tragedy that there’s even a chance of losing the opportunity to watch him play this year.


Use whatever defense you can, Josh. If Cleveland can get LeBron back, they can win this by pretending that Josh Gordon’s pores just suck up all the marijuana smoke in a three-state radius. I believe.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Mikayla from SDSU
Jul 295:30PM EST



Introducing Mikayla from SDSU.  San Diego State is literally just a paradise for smokes to live I think.

New App Trying To Stop Sexting Would Only Work On People Who Will Never Have Sex
Jul 294:50PM EST

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The Daily Dot – One survey concludes that one in four teenagers has admitted to sending or receiving a sexually explicit text at some point in their lives.

With this statistic and the teenage proclivity toward ephemeral messaging in mind, the Child Exploitation Unit of the Ontario Provincial Police has created a fun and hip app to try to deter the youth of Canada from sexting. It’s called Send This Instead, and basically it’s like the police department’s version of McGruff the Crime Dog, except instead of trying to persuade you not to take a bite out of crime, it wants you to not send people pictures of your privates.

According to a press release from the Ontario Provincial Police, Send This Instead is a free app that provides a “novel and witty way to say ‘No!’” to sexting. Here’s how it works: If you receive a text requesting a naughty photo, you can use Send This Instead to respond with “digital posters of humorous and sarcastic retorts” in lieu of nude photos.


Vintage Canadian move. Need to ruin one of technology’s most fun innovations in the lamest way possible? Get Canada on the horn, they’ll bang something out real fast. The app also ignores the basic fact that no one who would use this would ever actually send a nude photo. You think the hot sorority girls of the University of Guelph (that’s a Canadian school right? I feel like it is. Also Canada has sororities right? I’m just realizing I know nothing about Canada) are browsing the App Store looking for funny ways to tell guys they’re not sending some OB-GYN candids? NO. They’re taking off their parka, slathering themselves in moose fat, and going to work like a good Canadian woman should. Most out of touch move by the Mounties since they thought they could come to this country and take the cherished monuments to Americanness that are the WWF tag team titles.


Of course, this wouldn’t be a Barstool investigative report without me downloading the Send This Instead app to peruse their selection of “humorous and sarcastic retorts” and, obviously, they deliver the comedy and social responsibility promised in spades.



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So tying up emergency lines is a lower level crime than asking a girl you’re dating for a flash of nip? Sorry person getting robbed outside Arby’s, Becky from Wayne Gretzky High has areolas like pizza trays and doesn’t feel comfortable sending nudes so she sent a picture saying he should talk to 911 instead. Our bad.


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You’re naked, cow, you get no say in this. Hypocrite cows trying to tell me what’s up, get that shit out of here.


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There’s a man from Nantucket who is rolling in his grave right now. Died of severe brain bleeding after trying to have stick his dick in his own ear. Tragic story.


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This one is just factually accurate and hurtful. Silly pictures are supposed to bring us together but they’re TEARING US APART.


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Where I come from eskimoing refers to two men ejaculating into the same woman and sharing a kinship based upon that. You’re sending a mixed message here, app.


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This is just a poor reflection on you, girls. If you’re putting yourself in a situation in which an entire family is asking you for nude photos, I’m comfortable saying it’s entirely your fault. Unless you’re just holding out until Grandpa figures out how to send dick pics from his 2003 Razr, in which case I salute you and your commitment to the old balls game.


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Boy, really pushing the jail angle, huh? Nothing says young teenage love quite like a girl implying that you deserve to lose your freedom because you like her and meekly requested a sexy photo. Is Canada having a Chinesesque problem with population control and they’re just trying to lock their young women into spinsterhood? Only way I’m buying this as a legitimate idea from anyone with a brain.


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You couldn’t even use your phone with this anti-virus software. Terrible business strategy.


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For an app focused on defending young women’s rights, they’re really coming in hot with the implication that any guy asking for sexts is going to go to jail and get violently raped. And frankly I doubt there are many men named “Happiness” in jail, let alone ones committing sexual assault. We call it research here in America, Canadians. Learn it.


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If some girl sent me any of these photos, I’d probably be more interested in hooking up with her dad anyway. At least he knows how to satisfy a man. Strong hands. Experience. Gee thanks, app, I started trying to get beav shots from a girl in my science class and now I’m gay. Way to go.



Now that we’ve established sexting and selfies and dating a Canadian girl are all terrible, here are some examples of selfies so you know what to avoid on your phone. Never have a girl send you one of these. Never. You’d regret it forever.


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Sander Van Doorn, Martin Garrix, DVBBS – Gold Skies (Elephante Remix)
Jul 294:20PM EST

As if “Gold Skies” wasn’t hot enough, Elephante goes and gives it the remix of the summer, transforming SanderVD, Garrix, and DVBB’s already gigantic smash hit into a progressive house masterpiece, complete with a dirty trap breakdown, huge glitchy builds, and some filthy bass on the hook.  Name an EDM producer who’s released more good music in the last year than Elephante.  You can’t.

Download “Gold Skies (Elephante Remix)” for free || Stream more Elephante