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Five-Star Recruit Soso Jamabo Announces He’s Between University of Phoenix Online and ITT Tech

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Ffive-star-recruit-soso-jamabo-announces-hes-between-university-of-phoenix-online-and-itt-tech%2F
Jan 2612:50PM EST

 

 

3 things.  One, that was really funny.  Two, that was pretty offensive to the students of University of Phoenix Online and ITT Tech IMO who are just trying to build an education for the future.  Three, that is by far the best name in football.  Soso Jamabo.  You can’t not be a 5-star recruit with a name like that.

 

 

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(I see you Gerry Hamilton you PornHub watching dog)

 

 

 

 

Sarah Palin’s Teleprompter Broke During A Speech And Her Improv Game Is Conflagration Fire Flames

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fsarah-palins-teleprompter-broke-during-a-speech-and-her-improv-game-is-conflagration-fire-flames%2F
Jan 2612:10PM EST

DM – Republican firebrand Sarah Palin is rarely at a loss for words but became unmoored on Saturday in Iowa after her teleprompter froze and left her without portions of her prepared speech.

The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee flipped through a binder of notes and strung together a series of one-liners – and some of them made little sense.

‘The man can only ride you when your back is bent,’ she said, as audience members looked at each other quizzically.

‘So strengthen it! Then the man can’t ride you, America won’t get taken for a ride, because so much is at stake.’

 

 

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It’s an absolute travesty that they trotted out Trent’s lady senator from Iowa for the Republican response to the State of the Union when the answer has been right in their back pocket all along. She’s getting a little long in the tooth and losing some of those “hate fuck” vibes but I cherish every single moment Sarah Palin is on a TV screen. She’s instant gold no matter what. Talking about books, somehow botching a general “rah rah” speech to people who’d eat it up even if she got on stage and shit into a chamber pot for an hour…it pains me that we’re still a year away from the election circuit because I need Palin back in my life every single day and I need it all now. And the craziest part is that the last six years have been so underwhelming that if she somehow emerged from primaries she could win the whole thing. Can you imagine a world with Sarah Palin with her finger on the button? All the protester kids dying for anarchy could finally get their wish.

 
 

For the record with all this talk about straightening up bent backs and not letting the man ride you I think we’ve got a decent read on how her youngest kid was conceived.

It’s Official…Memphis Coach Josh Pastner Is The Whitest Dude In College Hoops

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fits-official-memphis-coach-josh-pastner-is-the-whitest-dude-in-college-hoops%2F
Jan 2611:30AM EST

 

 

That just made Coach K look like 2 Chainz.

 

 

 

You can make fun of his “Whip It” attempt all you want, but that missed high five combined with the awkward head bob + goofy smile is just white people to the max.

 

This move:

 

 

 

Whiter than kale salad with toasted almonds.

 

 

Watch out homies, my turn!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS – Never forget the time Coach Pastner suspended one of his players for using curse words.

Remember The NYU Bro Expelled For Setting A Sleeping Girl On Fire? He’s Saying She Was On A “Booze Binge” And Asked To Be Lit On Fire

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fremember-the-nyu-bro-expelled-for-setting-a-sleeping-girl-on-fire-hes-saying-she-was-on-a-booze-binge-and-asked-to-be-lit-on-fire%2F
Jan 2610:50AM EST

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NYDNThe 19-year-old woman who was burned in a bizarre NYU dorm charade was so drunk she may have been a part of the twisted episode, the lawyer for the alleged firebug said.

Jaime Castano, 20, set fire to the mattress his friend was sleeping on and eerily crooned as the flames burned around her — filming the ordeal with his cell phone while she woke up to the inferno around 11 p.m. on Aug. 23 at the 80 Lafayette St. dormitory, according to prosecutors.

He later posted footage of it on Snapchat, sources said.

But at his arraignment Tuesday, his attorney, Alyssa Gamliel, argued the woman blacked out the night of the incident and was on a booze binge in the days that followed, according to a court transcript.

“I do not think she knows what happened or her participation in this, nor do I think the People will be able to prove that she was not sort of participating in some of this activity.” Gamliel told the judge.

The attorney suggested that the victim’s torso burns got infected only because she failed to take care of the “minor” injury she had, possibly a result of her “continued behavior of intoxication.”

Castano currently faces up to 25 years in prison on the top count, first-degree assault, for allegedly causing the grave injury.

 

 

Wow what an incredible plot twist.  Just when you thought it was an open and shut case along comes this NYU bro’s team of lawyers to remind you why the word “allegedly” exists.  I mean let me guess, your first thought was this kid was some sort of psychopath sociopath who lit a sleeping girl on fire while singing to her and uploading it to SnapChat.  Well yes he did do that but did you even consider that someone might have politely asked for that to be done to them?  Didn’t think so.  Everyone so quick to judge a book by its cover, never taking the time to see both sides of it.  I mean everybody’s got a “drunk thing.”   Some people pee the bed, some end up with their pants off, some eat a 20 piece nugget with 2 cheeseburger meal every time they get home (last one is mine).  You can’t help it it’s just what drunk version of you insists on doing.  If your “drunk thing” is “asking people to light you on fire while softly singing you a lullaby” then that’s just a real fucking bummer but hey, the drunk heart wants what the drunk heart wants.

This Kid At Ohio State Is Claiming He Stole Tom Crean’s Diet Coke During The OSU – Indiana Game And I Don’t Believe Him For A Second

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Jan 2610:10AM EST

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Shut up dude, no you didn’t. You politely asked for it like a little pussy and then thanked the guy who handed it to you a million times.  You’ve got to get up a little earlier in the morning to fool me.  I’m willing to bet this is exactly how it went down:

“Um, hey officer, excuse me I don’t mean to bother you, this is kind of dumb, but can I please have Mr. Crean’s diet coke can when he’s done with it so I can take a picture for Twitter.com?  Sorry, I just really think this girl that I’ve been in the friend zone with for 3+ years will finally touch my penis if she thinks I’m a badass.  Help a player out.”

Or the kid just went into the hallway and bought one from a vending machine.  Or maybe I’m wrong and he really did swipe it.  Whatever, I’m still not impressed.  Tom Crean is a smug douchebag who kisses his son on the mouth.

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Steal a diet coke from Frank Martin and live to tell the tale, then we’ll talk.

Freshman Slams Teacher To The Ground For Taking His Cell Phone Away

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Ffreshman-slams-teacher-to-the-ground-for-taking-his-cell-phone-away%2F
Jan 269:30AM EST

 

Source - A ninth-grader at John F. Kennedy High School in Paterson was arrested Friday and charged with assaulting a teacher in a classroom.

The attack, captured on video, shows the teen slamming the 62-year-old educator to the floor in front of other students in an effort to get his cellphone back. Someone in the classroom recorded the assault, which officials say took place at about 1 pm on Tuesday, and the video has been posted on YouTube.

The 23-second video shows the 16-year-old with his arms wrapped around the teacher, knocking him into an empty desk. The student then wrestles the teacher across the front of the classroom before slamming him to the floor. The teen then reaches down and wrests something from the teacher before breaking away when someone in the classroom yelled: “Security.”

David Cozart, principal of operations at JFK, said the incident happened during a physics class. He said the teacher apparently confiscated the phone — which belonged to the assailant — from another student. The principal said students are allowed to use cellphones in class for academic purposes, but staff may take the devices and return them at the end of the day if students use them for other reasons.

 

 

What kind of god damn lunatic signs up to be a high school teacher?  Worst job ever.  Not elementary where most of the kids are like actually excited to be there and you just eat snacks and take naps and sing songs all day.  Not college where you get tenure and actual academia status and shit while getting paid to do basically nothing except read and do your own research.  Just stuck right in the middle with a bunch of angsty, emotional teenagers who are all going through their rebellious phase and hate authority.  Try to take one of their cell phones away and end up getting beat up and Razor Ramon suplexed in front of a cheering class filming it for Youtube.  Like I said, the worst.

Barstool U Monday Morning Smokeshow – Tori from Alabama

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fbarstool-u-monday-morning-smokeshow-tori-from-alabama%2F
Jan 269:10AM EST

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Introducing Tori from Alabama.  Roll Tide.  Great way to start the week.  FYI my site is basically broken right now and it took 45 minutes to get this posted so blogs may be slow for a bit.  That’s not a great start to the week.

 

 

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Frank Beamer Has Seen Some Shit Man…

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Ffrank-beamer-has-seen-some-shit-man%2F
Jan 253:31PM EST

 

 

 

Hey little girl, you can cry and kick and scream as loud as you want.  You ain’t breaking Frank Beamer’s concentration.  Dude has seen some heavy shit, man…

 

 

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PS – Never forget Frank Beamer celebrating a 0-0 tie at the end of regulation.

 

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Barstool U Friday Smokeshow – Lyna from FAU

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fbarstool-u-friday-smokeshow-lyna-from-fau%2F
Jan 235:30PM EST

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Re-introducing Lyna from FAU, who frankly I think is a top 5 hottest smokeshow of all time and does not get nearly enough love.  So, it’s updated gallery time.

 

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The Viceroy #SmokeShowOfTheDay Contest Is Live. Vote Now!

http%3A%2F%2Fbarstoolu.barstoolsports.com%2Frandom-thoughts%2Fthe-viceroy-smokeshowoftheday-contest-is-live-vote-now-11%2F
Jan 235:15PM EST

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“Girl with the most RTs at Midnight tonight wins $100. RT your favorite girl to help her out.

Also If you want to contribute as a Barstool viceroy email Paul@barstoolsports.com. We are looking for people at every school