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December 9, 2013 - December 15, 2013
Attention FAU Bros: If You Saw This Guy In The Library Recently He Probably Uploaded A Video Of You Peeing To Pornhub Under The Name “JERKING_BUD”
Broward - 2013 just hasn’t been Florida Atlantic University’s year. With James Tracy, professors stomping Jesus, and the naming rights handed over to a prison system, the school has just fielded one scandal after another.
And now we have “JERKING_BUD.”
Yesterday, police announced 40-year-old Seth Thompson had been arrested on charges of video voyeurism. According to the arrest affidavit, the employee, who worked in the library, filmed guys in the facility’s bathroom urinating and masturbating. He then posted the clips to porn sites under the JERKING_BUD handle, catchy little numbers with titles like “A college kid and his dad taking a leak at a public bathroom” and “My buddy jerking off in the stall next to me.”
Police were tipped off about the whole thing when a student allegedly caught Thompson paying him too much attention in the bathroom one day. Another student came up to the first a few days later. A 30-second clip had been posted on Pornhub.com of the student peeing, he was told. The crime was reported to police.
Fucking JERKING_BUD. Come on man. Have a little respect for the college life. Stuck in this library for 24 hours straight cramming for a final I didn’t go to one class for, shoving diet cokes and adderalls down my throat nonstop, funneling coffees, begging the nerds around to sell me their notes. Last thing I need during my 2 minute bathroom break is you filming piss coming out of my dick and uploading it to Pornhub. It’s just basic respect for a fellow human being.
Oh and for everyone wondering why so many FAU bros were jerking off in the library bathroom instead of just heading like 100 feet home and doing it in their dorm room, you’re obviously too old to remember living with roommates and/or getting sexiled. Privacy is a grind in college sometimes. Gotta take your self inflicted nut where you can get it. Just shit luck if you decide to do it while JERKING_BUD is on the prowl.
Oh awesome, so informative, always wondered how they made life size posters.
Haha just kidding just watched this part on repeat and didn’t give a fuck about anything else.
PS, probably one of my favorite things I ever posted on Barstool NY. Remember specifically yelling Holy shit! out loud when I first saw it. And it’s Christmas time again so let’s celebrate!
Huge Steve Spurrier fan. Dude is cocky as cocky gets and doesn’t care who knows it. Always hanging out shirtless and never giving a fuck. The only thing I don’t get here is that Spurrier played quarterback at Florida? He was a 2-time all American and even won the Heisman for the Gators. So why is he rubbing salt in the wounds of his pathetic 4-8 alma mater? I’m pretty sure Florida has enough problems to handle already without one of their most famous alumni giving them a big ol’ mushroom stamp on Twitter. I guess when you make $3.3 million a year you can do and say whatever you damn well please.
Also, this is one of my absolute favorite jump-cut vines. You can almost taste the smugness.
Tampa, Florida - Speaking from her home in Tampa Bay, the mother of the accuser in the Florida State University alleged sexual assault case was succinct and polite. She told 10 News exclusively that her daughter “was not feeling well, and was running a fever” when we asked if the young woman wanted to make a statement and share her side of the story.
The accuser’s mother said questions will be answered on Friday at a 10 a.m. press conference with the family attorney.
The alleged victim in this case accuses FSU quarterback Jameis Winston of raping her a year ago. However, the state attorney cited lack of evidence and declined to file sexual battery charges against Winston. The decision was announced last week at a press conference in Tallahassee.
However, that is clearly not the end of it.
We asked the accuser’s mother about specific details, in particular what would be discussed at an upcoming press conference on Friday.
The FSU student’s mother said, “It’s gonna be good. I can’t really say more than that. But, I can say it’s gonna be good.”
Hell In A Cell championship match? Primetime heavyweight fight in Vegas? Nope, press conference about our daughter’s possible sexual abuse in front of the entire nation. Oh. That sounds a little bit more serious and possibly like something you might not want to drop teasers about. Seriously… It’s gonna be good? Ok I’ll get the popcorn?
Also, 911 Call and Ronald Darby interview now available to the internet.
I am officially sick of hearing about this baby Alabama kicker. I mean it’s every day with this shit. Oh boo hoo he was getting death threats. Wahhh people were being mean to him on Twitter. His teammates needed to stand up for him to David Pollack. Former Presidents need to send him letters to cheer him up. Fucking enough already. He missed 3 kicks and cost his team the game. Crazy people were assholes to him about it on social media. It happens. It happens if you’re a kicker, it happens if you’re a public figure, it happens if you’re a blogger. If you do anything in the world, there are going to be psychos who mess with you on Twitter. Just deal with it and move on and stop needing everybody to come to your fucking rescue.
Source - Pocono Mountain Regional Police and the Monroe County Office of the District Attorney are investigating the death of 19-year-old Chen “Michael” Deng.
At approximately 8:15 a.m. Sunday morning, Pocono Mountain Regional Police Officers were advised that Chen Deng was brought to the Geisinger Wyoming Valley Hospital by his friends earlier that morning. Upon Deng’s arrival at the hospital, he was found unresponsive and in critical condition. Detectives responded to the hospital and learned Deng suffered his injuries at a residence on Candlewood Drive in Tunkhannock Township. Shortly after beginning treatment, physicians determined Deng suffered major brain trauma and he was placed on life support.
Officers and detectives from Pocono Mountain Regional Police and Monroe County Detectives Unit responded to the residence and found approximately 20 members of the Pi Delta Psi fraternity. Through investigation, it was learned that over 30 members of the fraternity traveled to the Poconos from New York City for the weekend. In the early morning hours Sunday, Deng, one of four pledges to the fraternity, was injured while partaking in a ritual in the yard of the residence. After Deng suffered the traumatic injury, he was brought inside the residence and was unresponsive. After some time, members of the fraternity drove him to the emergency room in Wilkes-Barre, Luzerne County.
On Monday morning, Deng succumbed to his injuries at Geisinger Wyoming Valley Hospital. Deng was a freshman at Baruch College in Manhattan. An investigation into the circumstances of the victim’s death is on-going.
Baruch College is saddened to confirm the recent death of Chun Hsien (Michael) Deng, a Baruch freshman, as reported to us by the president of the national fraternity Pi Delta Psi. The preliminary reports indicate that Michael died over the weekend while participating in an unsanctioned fraternity pledging event in the Poconos, PA. Baruch College had no knowledge of this event or that the fraternity was rushing a pledge class. Pi Delta Psi did not request permission nor were they approved by Baruch on this matter.
Baruch College has a zero tolerance policy regarding hazing. All fraternities and sororities on Baruch’s campus are required to attend the College’s orientation and training session at the beginning of the academic year, which includes anti-hazing training and literature. All attendees are required to sign statements that they understand and will abide by the College’s policies regarding organizing a pledge class and anti-hazing protocols. Michael’s death is a deeply painful reminder that no individual should ever be put into a position where his or her personal safety is in jeopardy. Our deepest sympathies go out to Michael’s family and his friends both at Baruch and at home.
Along with its own internal review, Baruch is cooperating fully with law enforcement as this incident is investigated.
Sad story obviously. Makes you wonder what the fuck was going through this frat’s head? Seriously how fucking clueless do you have to be to what’s going on around you? Doing a “ritual” where a kid could get massive brain trauma and nobody says hey maybe this is a bad idea? Not even that but how clueless do you have to be to just the world in general? Hazing has been like THE hot topic college issue for years now. Schools cracking down on it left and right. Imposing harsher penalties. Practically driving Greek life off campus in a lot of places. Each incident making front page news. And you do something where there’s a possibility that a freshman is going to die on your front lawn from brain trauma? So fucking dumb. Deserve everything that’s about to happen to you.
Christopher McComas wasn’t necessarily looking around for new jobs. But when he saw on Twitter that UND was looking for a new head football coach, he decided to go for it.
McComas may have no formal coaching experience (he’s a system integration specialist at Marshall University) and no ties to North Dakota. But his application and cover letter definitely stood out from the rest.
Here is the letter he submitted to UND athletic director Brian Faison:
I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota
Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I’ve only missed a handful of Marshall’s home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.
All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.
My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We’re going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We’re going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.
I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting UND back on the national map and making NDSU our (b****).
Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.
PS – I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach’s office with Coke.”
In a nine-page PowerPoint presentation attached to the cover letter, McComas further explains his philosophies.
“Chuck the pigskin. Fourth down? Chuck the pigskin,” he said.
He also lists a four-step blueprint.
“1. Recruit great players. 2. Win a lot of games. 3. Recruit more great players. 4. Win more games.”
McComas does admit that he probably won’t graduate a lot of players.
“They’ll all be leaving early for the NFL,” he said.
McComas also said he hopes the Alerus Center can install an air raid siren for his offense.
Faison hasn’t indicated what type of coach he wants to hire, but if he’s looking to “chuck the pigskin,” he knows where to go.
Listen I get this is all a joke and everything…but I honestly don’t hate that resume? Especially when you consider the only real game-changer candidates in CFB are either sticking with their schools or going to Texas? I mean it’s not like you’re luring Urban or Malzahn to North Dakota. Time to play fast and loose outside the box a little bit maybe? Let’s go over it point by point.
Experience: Went to a lot of games and played a shit ton of Madden on Sega Genesis. Beast Moded with Thurman Thomas. Shows that he can manage and win with talent, like a Phil Jackson type. Not the easiest thing to do.
More impressively though, took a decent MAC school in NCAA football on Playstation and turned them into a perennial national powerhouse in which a 3rd string QB was getting drafted first round to the NFL. Ever heard of it? I don’t even think Saban could do that?
Coaching Philosophy: Personally I think this is where he really leaps over any other potential candidate. What is football all about these days? Offense. Offense. Offense. And frankly you just can’t get any more offensive minded than a team mantra of Chuck the Pigskin. Fourth down? Chuck the Pigskin. Put it on shirts, put it on the locker room walls. We chuckin the pigskin bitches. AIR RAID all over the stadium. Make Chip Kelly look like a conservative defensive guru from the 70s.
But that’s not even his strongest attribute. Because everyone knows the college game lives and dies with recruiting. And what’s Coach McComas’s stance on that? Recruit great players. Win a lot of games. Recruit more great players. Win more games. Boom. Simple. Love it. Oh and don’t even worry about graduation rates. What is this fucking Yale? Nobody came here to play school. Came here to win trophies.
PS – All in all I’d say that resume is one of the top 25 funniest things I’ve ever read. Need to hire this guy to be a Barstool blogger and I mean yesterday. Give him a blank check and his own city after this one hilarious thing. When’s the last time that backfired?
Introducing Kelsey from FSU. Looks like somebody got a little jealous ASU was creeping in on their smoke crown. Seminoles with a big answer.