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Cyclist Gets A Tailgating Car Pulled Over, Acts Exactly Like You’d Expect A Cyclist To Act In Response

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Jul 247:14PM EST

 

This video is working its way through the Internet as one of those “instant karma” types of videos where people feel good because some asshole gets his comeuppance immediately after doing something crappy. Given that I’m pretty much on the transit beat for Barstool the last couple days, I figured I should check it out in the hopes of getting to enjoy one of life’s victories for the good of us all. Small problem: The guy who’s the protagonist of the video is some douche on a bicycle with a fucking speedometer on it. Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to root for this dipshit who I’m 99% sure is wearing wildly unsatisfied spandex shorts because some big SUV tried to drive where cars are supposed to drive while this pussy does speed runs on his big wheel?

 

I hate the cyclist for his little smug celebration and “little kid with a badge from a cereal box” offer of “Hey, you need the video, officer?” and his completely unrequited offer of his name to the cop. I hate the cop for playing into this cockbag’s delusions of cyclists being anything higher on the food chain than a fly on your windshield, talking to him with the same professional courtesy one might give a Make-A-Wish kid going on a ride-along. “You think this big meanie should get a ticket, little buddy? Okay, just for you!” And, most of all, I hate the SUV driver for not pounding a tall boy or 10 before hitting the road and, as a result, not just plowing into him for the good of society at large. Do you even Sunday Funday bro?

 

 

Before you go and say I’m being unreasonable, after noting all his needy “SUBSCRIBE :)” crap all over the video, I clicked on this guy’s YouTube channel and, guess what, he’s not just a cyclist, he’s a cyclist who just looooves attention for standing up to the big mean advancements in American transportation.

 

 

Yes, you just witnessed a video of a little man on a bicycle catch up to a car, yell at its driver about the rules of the road, then ride past a red light into oncoming traffic. And you’re telling me I can’t wish for a Leonard Little special on this kid? Get out of here. You failed me, tonight, Internet. Gonna take some chicks breaking out meat flaps on Instagram tonight to get our relationship back on track.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Devan from SDSU

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Jul 245:30PM EST

 

Introducing Devan from SDSU.  Ummmm……….hi.

 

 

 

 

4 New Remixes From The White Panda

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Jul 245:00PM EST

Everyone’s favorite Pandas were feeling generous this week, opting to dole out 5 new free remixes over the course of 5 days starting on Monday.  Check out the first 4 (I’d say “Cooler Than Latch” is dope except I’m not allowed to say that cause that pussy Posner is in it), and look out for the fifth tomorrow on Beats.

Stream more from The White Panda

Forget The Tumblrs…UCF Zeta Tau Alpha Just Dropped Video Fire On Everybody’s Head

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Jul 244:30PM EST

 

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Already put together the Tumblr post of the day, but this just couldn’t wait.  ”Fuck your Tumblr, bitch we made a movie” – UCF ZTA smokes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

h/t Lindsey D. 

 

Michigan State Chi Omega Is 100% Sparty Approved

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Jul 244:00PM EST

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MSU Chi O

 

 

 

 

 

Want to see your sorority repped on the Stool?  Send Tumblrs and Instagrams to tips@barstoolu.com and we’ll feature it some point during the week. 

 

 

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Jennette McCurdy, The Nickelodeon Chick Fired For Leaked Sexts, Is Throwing Ass Shots On Instagram In Return

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Jul 243:20PM EST

mccurdy-ass

 

If you haven’t heard of her, Jennette McCurdy had a show with fellow Nickelodeon girl/pop star Ariana Grande, Sam & Cat, put on hiatus when she had some lingerie selfies — posted below purely for the sake of reference — mysteriously leak online. During the show’s network-imposed break, McCurdy went all bad girl 4 lyfe on Nickelodeon, no-showing their Kids’ Choice Awards, holding out for a salary bump, and generally shitting in Nickelodeon’s faces until the network decided to “not produce more episodes” i.e. opting to kick Jennette’s very generous ass to the curb.

 

Now, a month after being forced out, McCurdy is going hard at her former employer with the above cannon shot of an Instagram photo on her personal account featuring the hashtags “#datass #fapfapfap #eww #boysaregross” along with the nips/ass combo platter. It’s just the kind of career choice you’ve got to stand up and applaud. Call me a feminist if you must but there’s nothing I like to see more than a young woman just reminding us all about her rights to do what she wants.

 

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Listen here, guys, people like Jennette and I are not out there posting shots of our sexy 22-year-old ass and braless nips for the world for your sick sexual fantasies. This is about womanhood. Independence. Strength in the face of the male oppressors and the chains in which they keep us shackled. Let’s turn this patriarchy on its head, Jennette, me and you. Butt/nip combo platters? That’s what Mike from Breaking Bad would call a half-measure. Would Rosie the Riveter settle for a half-measure? NO. Would Susan B. Anthony? NO. Did Marie Curie stop working with radium because she showed it existed? NO! She kept going up until she died of radiation poisoning which, I admit, is not the greatest metaphor but nobody ever said the journey would be easy, Jennette.

 

 

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Let’s take this fight to the streets. You hear us, Nickelodeon? We won’t let our rights to femininity and expression keep us from earning a living. I don’t care how many orifices Jennette has to show on camera or how gaping they have to be, we won’t stop until our voices are heard loud and clear. This is a revolution. This is change. This is feminism you can truly believe in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty sure that worked, right? Someone send her this blog in an email but cut out this part. Thanks in advance.

Ohio State Marching Band Director Fired For Hazing And Sexual Harassment In The Program…Band Members Gave Nicknames Like “Jewboobs” and “Twat Thumper” And Did “Flying 69s” On The Bus

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Jul 242:50PM EST

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Dispatch - Ohio State University has fired the director of its marching band and is expanding an internal investigation that uncovered a deep culture of sexual harassment among students that reportedly has existed for years.

The two-month investigation, triggered by the complaint of a parent, revealed a cascade of evidence that students routinely harassed one another –– often directed at new band members by older students –– and that director Jonathan Waters knew about it or should have known.

Waters, 38, was ousted from his post effective today, OSU President Michael V. Drake said.

Examples of abuse include an annual midnight band practice at Ohio Stadium in which men and women were expected to march wearing only their underwear. In one recent year, a student suffered alcohol poisoning at the practice. Students led the rehearsal, but staff members, including Waters, were there, too.

Some other traditions: All new band members, or “rookies,” were given nicknames, many of which were sexually explicit. Rookies were forced to perform “tricks” on command. In one case, a female student was told to imitate a sexual act on the laps of other band members, including her brother.

Several witnesses said that students performed a “flying 69” on tour buses, in which band members hung from the luggage racks and posed in a sexual position. Waters was on the bus when that happened as recently as last fall, according to a band staff member who quit last year.

The staff member told investigators she resigned from the band because Waters would not address alcohol abuse on that trip.

An “unofficial” songbook was part of the evidence that investigators provided to university leaders, with raunchy lyrics set to school songs at other colleges.

Waters knew about the nicknames and called at least one student by her sexual nickname. One female student said Waters ignored her complaints that she was uncomfortable changing in front of men on buses when the band traveled.

 

 

 

Should have known there was some funky shit going on with this marching band.  No marching band gets this much fame and success without it going straight to their heads.  Featured on Sportscenter, iPad commercials, all the college blogs.  Only a matter of time before they were doing flying 69s on the tour bus and forcing Tits McGee to give Twinkle Dick lap dances.  That’s just a common progression.

Seems like whatever they were doing was working too but, as is life, all it takes it one or two uptight narcs and the whole thing comes crashing down.  Too much “alcohol abuse” on trips?  Raunchy lyrics and sexual nicknames?  They’re fucking college kids.  Wake up.  I’d be more concerned about an 18-22 year old if they were in a marching band and DIDN’T drink or party or crack jokes.  Psycho city.

 

 

OSU-Band

 

 

 

h/t Patrick

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Kindly from UK vs. Harley from Miami

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Jul 242:25PM EST

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Two really cool names, two really hot girls.

 

 

Kindly from UK

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1 for Kindly…5 for Harley

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (255 votes, average: 3.07 out of 5)
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Chinese Dad Lets His 3 Year Old Drive…On The Highway…The Wrong Way

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Jul 241:30PM EST

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Daily Mail - Chinese police are looking for a father who allowed his son, aged three, to drive along what appears to be a motorway.

Not only did he make illegal turns, but at one point he heads the wrong way against what should have been oncoming traffic.

Video footage of the risky move quickly became one of the most popular shared items on Chinese social media sites.

It was later identified by other users as being a section of motorway outside the capital, Beijing, which was open to traffic but meant for a business park and industrial complex that had not been built yet. It therefore had very little traffic, they said.

 

 

Good luck topping this one old man.  Just set the bar kind of impossibly high for yourself don’t you think?  Tough to be the “cool dad” later on in life when you already let your kid drive the wrong way on the fucking highway at 3 years old.  Kind of the top of the mountain right there.  Supposed to start off slow, let them be a little rebellious, then have it all lead up to buying them cases and kegs in high school for house parties where you “confiscate everybody’s keys.”  I think zooming down the expressway the wrong way while you’re still in diapers is jumping the gun a bit.

 

I will say, China can chill the fuck out a little bit with the outrage here.  There aren’t even any cars around.  Let a father and son bond one time how about?

Not to mention the pussy is going like 15 mph.

 

Coolio Says He’s Not Releasing Any Music On PornHub And That He Doesn’t Even Watch Porn

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Jul 2412:55PM EST

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Rolling Stone - Earlier this week, TMZ reported that Coolio had signed a deal with Pornhub to release his new video and debut any of the rapper’s new music. And while the Internet let out a collective chuckle, the 50-year-old rapper tells Rolling Stone nearly all of the report is untrue.

“I don’t know why TMZ always has to do that bullshit, man,” says Coolio. “I let them into the video shoot willingly and then the first thing they do is talk bullshit about me and try to make me look bad. They were trying to say it was my comeback. Man, I ain’t trying to make no fuckin’ comeback off some porn.” The rapper chatted about porn, sex and music to set the record straight.

So you’re releasing a new album through Pornhub…

Hold up. They made that shit up completely. I didn’t talk to them about shit and they didn’t ask me any questions. That shit was a fuckin’ promo song for the website. That’s it! I met some executive from Pornhub while he was out [in Las Vegas] for the AVNs. We hung out; he was cool. He asked me to do a song for Pornhub and that was it. It’s not even my song that I’m putting out. I’m never doing a new album. I’ll probably do nothing but singles. I’m as good as anybody out there lyrically and conceptually and can go toe to toe with the best of them throughout history. But I don’t know how much longer I’ll be doing it. It’s not really fun anymore.

The article mentioned that Pornhub would get to premiere new tracks.

I don’t know where that came from. If they pay me enough money, fuck yeah, I’ll do an album exclusively for Pornhub. At this point in my career, bro, I don’t have nothing to prove to nobody. I’ve proved everything. I just have to prove some shit to my banker. I have to prove to that motherfucker I can put more zeroes in my account. They constantly come at me on some foul shit. I talked to [TMZ founder] Harvey [Levin] personally, who said, “Yeah, I really like you, Coolio.” Well, you don’t fuckin’ act like it.

…I will say this, though, about the promo video: Damn. Mmm mmm mmm. They were some nice women sitting around that motherfucker, boy. I don’t even watch porn, bro. You know why?

Why?

Because I am fuckin’ porn. Why should I watch somebody do something that I could be doing? That doesn’t make sense to me. If I want to see porn, I’ll fuckin’ put a mirror next to my bed. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, right? If that’s so, then I’m one of the world’s 1 million greatest lovers. I’m totally unselfish. I don’t give a shit about myself. I’m all about my partner. I’m a pleaser. You can ask any woman I’ve ever been with and they’ll tell you, “He’s the motherfucker.”

 

Oh what a surprise TMZ made up another story.  Shocker.  Got to admit though, totally worth it to get this interview with Coolio and hear some of these quotes.  Why don’t you watch porn Coolio?  ”Because I am fuckin’ porno.”  Most badass answer ever.  I mean normally you hear a guy doesn’t watch porn and the first thing you think is wow, psychopath.  But if you qualify it with you fuck so good and so much that all you have to do is put a mirror next to your bed and watch yourself?  Just flipped the game on its head.  He’s the motherfucker indeed.    Coolio baby, don’t call it a comeback!

 

Seriously don’t, because it’s not.

 

Cue it!