Barstool U - By the C - Student, for the C - Student.

Awww did little baby Herb Hand get his feelings hurt?  Did he get trolled on Twitter so hard that he had to text the UT coach and tattle and say his fans were saying mean things to him about his wife?  Calling her a #slut and being impolite?   So unbelievably pathetic.  A kid says something rude to you on Twitter so you text a team’s coach like it’s his fault.    Seriously what do you think Butch Jones did when he first got this text?  Probably went over and fucked his wife just to teach him a lesson to grow a pair.

Hey Hand If you want to be a real man and defend your wife’s honor pull a Curtis Woodhouse and show up at the troll’s doorstep and make him shit himself.  Don’t just talk about it, be about it.

PS – Could the Twitter troll look any more perfectly like a Twitter troll?

In case you missed it allow me to set the scene for you real quick:

4/25: The ESU Administration Is Not Happy About Their #1 Spot On The Barstool U Most Underrated Party Schools List by Valentina Caval

5/7: Barstool, here’s a reality check from ESU by Valentina Caval

Excerpt: Please, can anyone tell me how in the world this is in any way good for ESU? Better yet, someone tell me how to talk my way out of this line when I get interviewed by a potential employer. Thank you for being polite for once, Barstool, but we all know what you mean by “substance.” Barstool has been quick to claim that it is just a concert with dancing and loud electronic music — one that apparently condones the use of booze and substances. On Barstool’s website: “Your school like to party. They like to drink and dance. They’re 18-22 year old kids living it up before they hit the real world.”

Newsflash Kmarko: The drinking age in Pennsylvania is 21. Oh, and it’s likes to party.

My response 5/7:  ESU Girl Is Literally Still Talking About The Barstool U Underrated Party Schools Power Rankings And How Much She Hates The Blackout Tour In The Pocono Record

Today:   

Pocono Record

I remember my knuckles were a little bruised from the number of doors I knocked on that night.

Typical night: My cellphone’s battery drained early on, my hair had somehow collected itself into a pile on top of my head and I was wearing only one shoe.

This time I had landed in quite a predicament: I had somehow managed to get lost walking back to my ESU dorm from an improper social event held on Normal Street.

Clearly, I had spent a little too much time with a little too much booze.

Nevertheless, a Stroudsburg resident — whose name I am embarrassed to say I do not recall — picked both me and my pride up off the scuzzy Stroudsburg sidewalk.

She took me back to my dorm, where I fell into a deep slumber, waking up the next day with no recollection of the night.

Now, before I ruin my reputation, let me explain.

College and drinking are life partners. In the United States, more than 80 percent of college students indulge in a couple of drinks here and there, and almost half reported binge drinking in the previous two weeks, according to The Washington Post.

Drinking has been a part of college life from yesterday through yesteryear.

Margaritas, Jager Bombs, Lemon Drops, Swift Kicks and Long Islands are among some of the names ringing in the ears of college students as soon as Thursday arrives.

I am not ashamed to say that I condone this lifestyle. These untamed experiences are pieces of a puzzle that, when completed, ultimately shape who we become.

This blissful life of college shenanigans does not last forever. So I have officially turned in my shot glass as far as partying goes.

I went from finding bottle openers at the bottom of my book bag to finding endless piles of class notes.

Every night at a frat party turned into every night with my books.

And sneaking bottles into the dorm has been transformed into drinking one too many cups of coffee.

College academia will catch up to you, but that does not mean that we do not take great pleasure in running away from it — if only for a moment.

I cannot help but think that 30 years from now we may remember our wild experiences just a bit more than our workloads.

I do not regret any parts of my often inappropriate “social life” at ESU. Actually, I treasure every single unbelievably, hilarious chronicle of my untamed life.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that it’s OK to play beer pong the night before a big exam, and have a few shots on a Thursday night. It is simply just another part of the college experience.

Don’t forget that you are there for an education, but venture out to the wild side a bit.

So, it’s OK to lose your shoe once in a while — as long as you remember to wear two when graduation rolls around.

Valentina Caval is a Queens, N.Y., native who will be a senior in the fall at East Stroudsburg University studying communications and English. Follow her on Twitter @Val_Caval.

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Ha good try Val.  You know I do this professionally right?  You think I don’t know when somebody is fucking with me?  Writing 2 diatribes in the paper about how much you hate the Barstool Blackout and how much you despise the Underrated Party Schools list because drinking is illegal for college kids and it’s a disgrace to be known as a party school.  Following it up with an editorial about how much you love drinking and partying and condone it and think everybody should do it.   Literally bragging about how you blacked out on the street and got picked up by a random stranger.  How in 30 years from now you’ll remember how wild you were.    How dumb do you think I am?  Can’t troll me bro.  Too smart.  Because I know even you couldn’t be that big of a hypocrite right?

And yes, in case anyone was wondering, yes I can and will hold a grudge forever.

@Mark_DEsposito Check out what Sports Authority is selling.

I will say in the interest of full disclosure McKinley is one of my top 5 favorite Barstool U smokeshows of all time.  However putting Lindsay next to her turns this decision from a no brainer to a bit of a thinker…

Lindsay from CMU

McKinley from USC

1 for Lindsay….5 for McKinley

(356 votes, average: 3.93 out of 5)

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The mau5man drops off two more track snippets, this time thankfully not featuring his fiancee-du-jour.

Eddie Van Halen you just got your dick stomped in bro.  Sign this chick up for the reunion tour and sign her up ASAP.   Give her a few tips on the performance aspects though.  Looked like she was about to pass out from boredom while crushing Eruption.

(107 votes, average: 4.93 out of 5)

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Ohio.com- If the San Antonio Spurs choose Deshaun Thomas in next month’s NBA draft, they might have a hard time reaching him to tell him. That’s because when the Spurs asked the former Ohio State star for his phone number Wednesday night, he refused to give it to them. Thomas said teams asked him plenty of difficult and interesting questions during his interview process at the combine. But the most interesting, he said, was the fact the Spurs’ first question was for his cell phone number and his e-mail address. He gave them the e-mail, but not the phone number. “I can’t go around giving it out to everyone,” Thomas said Thursday with a laugh. “Now if they want to draft me, I’d be happy to give it to them.” Thomas is projected as a second-round pick, although he’s still hopeful he can sneak into the first round. He departed Ohio State after averaging 19.8 points and 5.9 assists during his junior year to lead the Big Ten in scoring. Thomas returned to Indiana after the NCAA tournament and has been working on getting in better shape. He said he trimmed his body fat from “11 or 12 percent down to 8.5 or 9.” Thomas has been joined in his workouts by Greg Oden, who is attempting a comeback to the NBA next season.

I know that if you’re an NBA prospect you have to be careful about the information you give out. Even 20 years ago people had to worry about going first round in the draft and getting endless calls from their “cousins” on their land line telling them about the sick combination car wash/laundromat they want to open in their old hood. And shit’s only gotten worse since then. One night you give out your number to a girl at a club and the next thing you know you go online and see a picture of your dick and screenshots of how pathetic your sexting game is.

But there’s a difference between a court whore and a professional sports organization thinking about drafting you. Telling them to go fuck themselves when they want a way to contact you isn’t exactly going to propel you to the top of their draft board. Deshaun should be happy that his potential boss even wants his number. Every time I’ve ever texted Prez I get a “Who is this?” in response. Every single time. Basically the comments section of half the blogs I’ve ever written and I gave him my number two years ago.

If Deshaun really cares this much about his privacy he should just buy a burner and give himself an excuse to add another body to his entourage.

High-schoolers from Irmo and Lexington faced off on Saturday night in the South Carolina Class AAAA state championship match, and after 110 minutes of goalless football the game headed to penalty kicks.  After 9 penalties the score was 3-3, and it was up to Irmo’s Mattison Gossett to take the potentially match winning spot-kick.

Nothing better than watching soccer pussies get their hopes and dreams crushed on a bonehead play, well maybe watching it happen to Euros:

One of my favorite videos ever.  The pure jubilation followed so quickly by absolute crushing disappointment.    Just wish we had a close up of the goalie’s face, watch it morph from I’m on top of the world to oops, time to kill myself.  Not like it was a big game or anything, just the state championship.

Guardian – Sergio García’s ongoing spat with Tiger Woods took an unwelcome turn on Tuesday night, when the Spaniard made what could be interpreted as a racist remark about his opponent.  The Spaniard was on stage at the European Tour’s gala players’ awards dinner, where he was questioned by the Golf Channel’s Steve Sands. García, who has been embroiled in verbal battles with Woods since the Players Championship at Sawgrass this month, was asked in jest if he would have the American round for dinner one night during the upcoming US Open. “We will have him round every night,” García said. “We will serve fried chicken.”

García left on Tuesday night before he could be asked to clarify his remarks, but later issued a statement through the European Tour, saying: “I apologise for any offence that may have been caused by my comment on stage during The European Tour Players’ Awards dinner. I answered a question that was clearly made towards me as a joke with a silly remark, but in no way was the comment meant in a racist manner.”

Kind of sucks how everybody is jumping on Sergio here calling him a racist.  Why?   Because he mockingly said he was going to serve his biggest enemy on the planet who also happens to be black fried chicken for dinner?   Out of all the millions of foods he could have picked he went with the most stereotypical black food while talking about a black guy?  Whatever happened to the benefit of the doubt?    Yes Black people love fried chicken.  White people also love fried chicken.  I eat fried chicken like every day for lunch.  KFC is named after fried chicken and he’s the whitest guy I know.  Fried chicken is universal.   It’s something we can all come together and bond over.  I mean it’s not like he said he’ll serve collared greens and watermelon while wearing a white hood and burning a cross?  Maybe the dude just wanted to enjoy a good American meal with his buddy Tiger.    See this is the problem with racists and racist jokes.  They’ve completely ruined entire words and phrases for the rest of us like me and you and Sergio Garcia.

Introducing Sam from Hofstra.   Kicking it back up to the Northeast since it’s been a while.  NY Smokes always bring the heat.