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‘Real Housewives’ Chick Taking Off Her Fake Leg To Throw It At Some Other Lady Is A Hero For Disabled People
Jul 231:30PM EST




Full disclosure that I’m not giving just to avoid looking like a total queeb: I’ve only watched Real Housewives of New York when forced to by a girlfriend and paid sparse attention so I have precious little idea of the context of why this happened. But I saw this on Gawker and loved it so much that I had to bite. I guess someone’s accused this Aviva lady of being fake, which seems to happen to one of the women on every single episode, and rather than just use her words to fight off these allegations, she broke out props like a Carrot Top punchline to make her point.


Bottom line, absolutely sinister move. Who can possibly continue a fight in a public place with a woman after she not only publicly reveals that she’s disabled but she also drops an atomic bomb in the restaurant by throwing a prosthetic leg in the middle of the floor? No one, hence why all the other white ladies in fancy dresses and ambiguously homosexual men of all ethnicities just walked off and made shocked faces.



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It’s actually shameful how all the people in the restaurant looked horrified and disgusted when she put it on the table. It’s a fake leg, not like she pulled a tamp out and threw it on top of her caprese salad. And, if we’re being honest, it’s a pretty fucking smoking hot fake leg at that. I’m not a foot guy at all but you have to note the sexy shoes, tight plastic calves that’ve clearly spent some time on a theoretical Stairmaster, she even went through the effort of pedicuring her fake toes which I assume couldn’t use real nail polish. She probably has to put on some overalls and a tiny toe paint roller with acrylic semi-gloss like a guy in a Benjamin Moore commercial to get that done. Who are you looking up to, Aviva or Oscar Pistorius? This lady, 10 times out of 10.


Bottom line: Pogo stick can get it.


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My keyboard won’t even let me hit the plus sign enough times for that book title in the last pic, A+++++++++++.

Bret Bielema…Bob Stoops…Everybody Is In Full Alabama Troll Mode
Jul 231:00PM EST

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NORMAN Bob Stoops went on ESPN’s First Take with Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith Wednesday morning. Here are some soundbites from the Oklahoma coach:

On taking pleasure from beating Alabama, given Stoops’ past comments about the SEC

“I appreciate you bringing it up, Stephen A. I have to be honest, it felt good. Because I know everybody’s screen savers, everybody had their notes down, everybody was ready to jump on us, on me in particular, what I had to say, if it had gone the other way. That all had to be deleted. I was a little validated in what I had to say. I still believe in what I said. “At the end of the day we can play with anybody. That was fairly evident.”

“I heard from more Texas high school coaches, on how pleased they were on how that all went. We go down there through Texas recruiting. I was surprised at how many Texas high school coaches pulled me aside because they felt validated. Because half of our roster or more is from Texas. We’ve got good football players, too.”



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AL - Razorback coach Bret Bielema had a few comments Tuesday that might help stoke the fires. Making his rounds at ESPN’s Car Wash for SEC coaches, Bielema referenced a recent camp at Alabama and current offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s actions while at Tennessee.

While appearing on a roundtable with Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin and Tennessee’s Butch Jones, Bielema addressed a question about the year-round nature of the game.

“For the first time in NCAA history, they gave us a two-week dead period,” Bielema said. “And I don’t know about you guys, but it wasn’t dead. Alabama got a way that they got to have a camp, everybody else had to abide by the rules. And for 14 days, we couldn’t have anybody on campus.”



Saban has got to be sitting in his big office right now surrounded by oak and mahogany just sipping on a snifter of 120 year old Scotch smiling to himself.   Definitely has a fire going in the fireplace and probably a cat curled up on his lap pillow too.  I don’t know that’s just how I picture him sitting in his office.  I mean after what can only be considered an Alabama down year his team is still literally the only thing anyone can talk about.  Every coach just taking subtle or not so subtle shots at the Tide.  Every media day, roundtable discussion, ESPN interview, everything.  All eventually rolls around to Alabama and Saban.  That’s how you know you’re at the top, if it’s possible you didn’t know already.  Would not want to be one of the teams in the way when Saban goes on his warpath this season, that’s all I know.

And don’t get me wrong I give Bob Stoops full credit for sticking to his anti-SEC guns.  Has every right in the world to say what he’s saying right now after talking so much shit last year, getting demolished on the internet, then backing it up in the Sugar Bowl.  Completely earned being a blowhard.  But Bielema?  Bret do you really think you should be talking big guy?  What do you think, honestly?



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Maybe instead of whining and crying about Alabama getting a head start on the dead period, you should worry more about not having literally an entire season of dead period.  I’m not a coach but that’s my recommendation.

Lemaitre – Singularity EP
Jul 2312:15PM EST

Witness the future of pop music with the newest EP from Lemaitre.  These Norwegian disco dudes flawlessly fuse jazz, hip-hop, house, funk, and just about anything and everything else good into 4 masterfully crafted indie electro gems that’ll leave you wanting for absolutely nothing.

Buy Lemaitre’s Singularity EP

P.S. I don’t think “Wait” is leaving the #1 spot on Beats anytime soon.

This Charming Bro Is Like The Picasso Of The Text Pickup Game
Jul 2311:30AM EST



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Live look at the neighborhood of the woman who received these texts as a wrong number:


Something about this guy’s texts just worked for me. Maybe it’s that, deep down, I’m a hopeless romantic. Maybe it’s that I’m a sucker for a man whose opener includes a shirtless photo in his boxer briefs wielding a hairline like an ill-fitting beanie. Or maybe it’s that I’m intrigued by his undoubtedly highly-scientific theories about peanut butter and yogurt and their correlation to a superior female body. Hard to say. All I know is that I’m in on this guy and his 9.2 inch penis and I’m ready to subscribe to any and all media that contain his brand of pickup artistry.



After three reads, I figured out that “n deedy thick ass thighs” meant “Indeed ma’am, you have some thick thighs” back here on Planet Way-Less-Pussy, but I’m still genuinely perplexed by the “bag of hot chips with string cheese n a BBQ for ever good rub on top” reference. Google tells me a 302 area code is Delaware area code…is it a Delaware thing? Is there a food delicacy that involves melting string cheese onto hot chips and adding BBQ pulled pork to it, like some sort of white trash nacho? Not sure how it reflects on me that this was my biggest question leaving the texts but I’d really like some answers here.


(via Imgur)

Bro Gives Up Sex And Masturbating For 100 Days Because It Was Controlling His Life Too Much
Jul 2310:45AM EST

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On April 5, 2014, Rory Patrick announced to his Twitter followers that he was going to stop masturbating for 100 days. Soon, a hashtag was started: #Rory100…

Rory was unaware of the Nofap community when he started this. He took this mission on for himself, and rather than engage with the Fapstronauts, he tweeted frequently about his progress to his followers. On July 13, this masochistic endeavor finally came to an end. I could finally talk to him about it, and find out whether the benefits of not masturbating are real, without having to try for myself.

VICE: So obviously I have to know why. Why did you do this to yourself, and why 100 days? One-hundred days dude. Why? WHY?

Rory Patrick: I’d just noticed how jerking off had altered the trajectory of my day-to-day life. For instance, sometimes I’d planned to go to the gym or go on a run, and then I’d say to myself, “Okay, you’re going to run, so let’s have a nice moment to yourself before that.” After masturbating, though, I’d find myself curled up in my bed watching television with a bag of chips instead of actually running. Cumming was also my primary coping strategy for stress or pain and that just didn’t seem healthy at all. So, when a friend of mine was talking about a group of people that were going without for 90 days, I just competitively reacted, saying that I could do 100 days. I just hoped that the challenge would give me the impetus to be cum-free for a while.

So you made the decision and then charted your 100 days with a hashtag on Twitter. What has support been like?

It has been heartwarming. The Twitter community can be so overwhelmingly positive and supportive. My friend Josh and I started taking pictures of ourselves doing that salute from The Hunger Games and people caught on and would take pictures of themselves doing the salute with the hashtag. It let me know people were thinking about me and kept me honest, because it seemed like people were having fun with it. I didn’t want to ruin it one night because I was stressed about work and needed to rub one out. You had some people that asked every week if I’d cum yet and some others that would intermittently send me nudes to try and tempt me into succumbing to cumming, but generally people were just behind me and hoping I lasted the 100 days.



No masturbating for 100 days for 13.8K Twitter followers…just doesn’t seem worth it to me.  Because make no mistake about it this was a big time social media power play.  Got to do something outrageous these days to get those follows up, and swearing off cumming for 100 days with it’s very own hashtag is right up there on how it’s done.  I mean if jerking off is such a real, legitimate problem for you that you can’t go to the gym or eat or sleep or function in general, you don’t need a 100 day hiatus highlighted by tweets.  You need some big time psychotherapy.  But if getting some more action on your Twitter timeline is your goal then it’s a little more acceptable.

I’d say you’d have to get up to at least 100K and some Z-list internet celebrity gig to justify it though, but I don’t know, maybe when you don’t work on a blog constantly patrolling the internet for hot girls 10 hours a day it’s a little easier to refrain.



PS – Would love to know what video Rory went with on night 101.  That’s something you’ve got to be thinking about and planning NONSTOP for 3+ months.

Can’t Get A More Casual Blowjob At The Bus Stop Than This
Jul 2310:00AM EST





I don’t like to use the word casual because we throw it around too much but let’s be honest.  There’s really no better word to describe this bus stop blowjob.  Could search Dictionary and for hours and wouldn’t be able to sum it up any better. Dude just chillin top rung on a bench waiting for his bus to come, making some phone calls, shooting some texts, getting his dick sucked.  Excuse me, getting some “sloppy top.”  Casual.   With a capital C.



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PS – Come on dude, put the cell away…your girl is already blowing your dick at a bus stop in her nice red dress, no need to degrade her further by putting filters on Instagrams and shit instead of paying her a little attention.  At least help her keep her hair up.

Kevin Durant Gets Brunch With Justin Bieber…Are We Seeing A Heel Turn Before Our Very Eyes?
Jul 239:30AM EST



Umm what’s up with Durant now?  Always been the nicest, quietest, most polite guy in the NBA.  A true fan favorite.  An incredibly humble guy who kept his nose to the grindstone.  The guy who delivered the “You the real MVP” speech to his mom.  Universally likable.  Now?  Now we’re seeing a few warning signs.


First it was the obnoxious comment about being richer and more famous than everyone.




Now brunch with Bieber.



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From bad to worse.   What’s next?

Seriously what’s next, that’s a legit question, I honestly don’t know what’s worse than brunch with Bieber.  I think that’s the apex.  Shoveling eggs benedict down your throat listening to the Biebs talk about himself then mean mugging for his Instagram.   Horrible look. That fuckboy definitely ordered fruit and yogurt with granola too.


Probably fucking Westbrook’s fault somehow.   10 bucks say he set this reservation up.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Kristen from Ohio U.
Jul 239:00AM EST


Introducing Kristen from Ohio.   Bobcats in the house.

Abigail Ratchford Cockily Shitting On Instagram Haters Makes Me Love Her Even More
Jul 227:26PM EST



There have been a fair amount of Abigail Ratchford blogs on here before and with good reason. Chick’s got an insanely beautiful face and wielding the type of cannons that’d bring a tear to Napoleon Bonaparte’s eyes. And obviously both those traits are incredibly noteworthy. But on an Internet full of insanely attractive women and even more warthogs who can trick a man’s eye like a gypsy in a Stephen King book, that alone isn’t enough to stand out.


That’s why I love the absolute cockiness of Abigail Ratchford posting a four-panel photo of herself without makeup on along with a full NBA summer league depth chart of crying emojis to remind the haters what’s up. Oh what’s that, other chicks? You’re naturally beautiful, too? Here’s one panel with me in bed with tits out for the boys, just to remind you I’ve got those as backup. Shot across the bow to all the other naturally pretty women out there who can’t leisurely slinging boulders big enough to chase Indiana Jones into a jungle full of natives.



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There’s an even brighter side: Abigail is dating some kid named Jamie Iovine. Not some chiseled adonis or even an incredibly brilliant businessman, just a random bro like any of us, possibly even dorkier because he loves pro wrestling and posts videos of himself in Ultimate Warrior facepaint and even hung a WWE Championship belt above the couple’s TV. Only difference is he gets to post photos like this:



Oh and his dad is multimillionaire producer and mogul Jimmy Iovine, one of the co-founders of Beats which was just acquired by Apple for $3 billion and that connection gets them backstage at Avicii concerts and trips to an insane Malibu beach house and probably playing Yahtee with Snoop Dogg and god knows what else. But THAT is the only difference between you and him. Just find an old white dude named Mr. Drummond to adopt you and it’s a dead heat.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Shahana from Cal Poly
Jul 225:45PM EST



Introducing Shahana from Cal Poly.  Was going to save this for Friday but thought people might need a Tuesday pick me up.  Think we may have a top 10 all-timer right here.