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Barstool CFB Season Preview Series: Auburn & Alabama

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Aug 272:40PM EST

 

What makes college football so special and so much more fun to follow than any other sport, is that more than any other, it’s a sport where history matters. Tradition matters. Demographics matter. Politics matter. So many outside factors influence the enjoyment and consumption of college football, that to root for a team or a conference doesn’t just become about “rooting for clothes” as Jerry Seinfeld memorably and hilariously put it. You root for a tradition, almost a way of life. And despite all these other things that matter, all these outside factors that collude to make your fandom, all that matters is what happens between the lines. Who wins and who loses. Who has the most points by the time the clock strikes zero. The sport itself always wins. The game itself is always king. And that’s why every Saturday there’s at least one moment between the white lines that will mean so much, to so many people. That’s the beauty of college football.

No one exemplifies this better than Alabama-Auburn. Probably the most passionate rivalry in sports (tied with Ohio State-Michigan), and two of the most passionate fanbases in a sport and region that is defined by caring perhaps a littttttle too much about these kind of things. For a state that wouldn’t be considered even in the Top 5 of high school football talent (Florida, California, Texas, Georgia, Ohio all produce more Blue Chip players according to 24/7Sports), a team from the state of Alabama has played for the National Championship every year of the past half-decade. The annual matchup between these two teams has provided two of the greatest games of the modern era (The Chris David Return Game, the Cam Newton Comeback Game). That is remarkable. That is historic. I bring this up and write a long-winded blog highlighting this because as long as Saban and Malzahn are at the helm of these two programs, the struggle between these two titans of the sport will continue to dominate and define college football. Auburn and Alabama might not be in the National Title game every year, but they will continue to be two of the most feared teams, year in and year out, in an era I think will be defined as the State of Alabama Era (much how Florida State and The U defined parts of the 80’s and 90’s). So just enjoy it while it lasts, Roll Tide, and War Damn Eagle. Let’s get a quick projection of each of them.

Auburn

I’ve long made it clear I think there will be a National Championship rematch between Florida State and Auburn this year. Malzahn is quite simply, a genius, who was able to take one of the worst teams in the SEC and within a year turn it into an offensive juggernaut. All with a fucking defensive back playing at quarterback. Do people not realize how bad Nick Marshall really was last year? Rewatch the BCS National Title; at least three throws could have been made to seal that game that 75% of SEC Quarterbacks make. The two QB gameplan in place now will allow Marshall’s feet to raise the ceiling of the offense while having a better pure thrower in Jeremy Johnson. It will work great. The Front 7 is mostly returning on defense (a must in the SEC) , so the defense should be fairly set. If there’s one Achilles heel to this team, it’d be the secondary though, where most of the replacements are being made. Still like Auburn to make the college football playoff despite not winning the SEC (with one loss to Alabama) then play for the National Championship.

Alabama

I know I predicted yesterday that Ole Miss has a very, very, very, very good chance to upset Alabama in their matchup this year. Please don’t think that means I don’t tremendous respect for Alabama. I know that they’re returning the 3rd-least amount of starters in the SEC. I know they’re losing their most critical defensive player in HaHa Clinton-Dix. I know AJ McCarron is gone (who I still think was really overrated and a total system guy, but still), and there are a lot of replacements to be at the offensive line. I don’t care. Alabama has proven themselves to a point where there’s no further explanation necessary for picking them to go undefeated other than a shrug and “It’s Alabama”. Do I think they’ll be undefeated? No. I do think they’ll come damn close though. I do think they’ll play in the SEC Championship game. And I do know that there is no team I’d rather face less in a do-or-die playoff game than a Nick Saban’s Tide. I like Alabama to win the SEC this year. (Have I not made my official playoff prediction yet by the way? It’s Alabama-Auburn-Florida State-Ohio State, with Ole Miss being my dark horse contender to replace one of the SEC teams).

Chico State Students Party So Hard Their First Night They Literally Burn Down A Frat House…Then Upload The Snapchat Story to Youtube

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Aug 272:05PM EST

 

CHICO >> An early-morning fire at a fraternity-owned residence has displaced two Chico State University students.

At approximately 3:10 a.m. Friday, a passerby called 9-1-1 to report flames coming from a structure owned by Sigma Chi International Fraternity in the 700 block of West Fourth Street, according to the Chico Fire Department.

The porch was completely in flames when firefighters arrived, said Chico fire apparatus engineer Ken Smith, who was first on scene. Firefighters “hit it hard” and were able to knock down the fire quickly and keep the flames mostly to the exterior of the two-story structure.

The building, which houses two students on the top floor and serves as a meeting area downstairs, sustained significant fire and smoke damage, and some of the fire made its way to the attic, said Chico fire inspector Rick Doane.

 

 

Too turnt up” – Kliff Kingsbury.  Only way to describe it.  Only way to sum up a party where you go so hard you burn the house down, not figuratively, but literally reduce it to a pile of ashes with flames.   Can’t really blame anyone for it either, it’s the first night back at college, you go hard as fuck or you don’t go at all.  Shit just happens first week back on campus, can’t hold anyone responsible.   Unfortunately I have a feeling the Chico Police Department might not totally see eye to eye with me on that one considering, you know, a giant piece of property was burned to the ground, so uploading the entire Snapchat story to Youtube featuring a bunch of faces and voices might not be the best move.  But that’s an adult talking using adult wisdom.

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Georgeanna from NC State vs. Emily from Indiana

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Aug 271:20PM EST

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Georgeanna from NC State

 

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Emily from Indiana

 

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1 for Georgeanna…5 for Emily

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (217 votes, average: 4.51 out of 5)
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Introducing Giraffe Boy

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Aug 2712:40PM EST

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Daily Mail - A 15-year-old boy is to undergo surgery on his exceptionally long neck, which causes him agonising pain.

Fu Wengui, who lives in Beijing, China, suffers from a number of conditions. While the standard number of verbetrae in the neck is 7, Fu has 10, his father Fu Genyou claims. These vertebrae press on the nerves in his neck and make it difficult for him to walk,’ said the 50-year-old.

‘He always causes a stir whenever he goes out.’

 

 

 

Poor fucking kid.  Being a teenager is bad enough having to put up with all the shit from everyone else in school.  Have one little thing wrong with you and it’s all anybody will talk about just dumping on you constantly.  Scoliosis kid, pimple kid, dumb kid, smelly kid, poor kid.  Imagine being fucking Giraffe Boy?  The dude with a 3 foot long neck and a head way up in the clouds?  Brutal.  Bully ammo like you read about.

Lincoln Jesser – Untold

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Aug 2712:00PM EST

Indie stud Lincoln Jesser drops off his latest single, more of the upbeat, synth heavy, ethereal pop that’s got the LA based artist poised to pop the fuck off.  Look out for Lincoln’s debut EP, Modern Colors, due out on September 23.

While you wait for the EP (which you should because it’s fire top to bottom), you can stream all of the available tracks here.

Girl Strips and Runs Through Amsterdam Butt Naked For Free Tuition

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Aug 2711:20AM EST

 

Mirror - A bold young student has proved the lengths she will go to to help finance her studies.

In a video posted to You Tube by the Super Student site, a willing young lady named Sabine is only too keen to display all that nature gave her in front of hundreds of stunned tourists.

During the clip the young, blond student is interviewed dressed only in a long blue shirt. She then peels off to reveal all before sprinting round the busy Amsterdam square, causing bemusement to all going about their business. She streaks over tram-lines and narrowly dodges a motorbike before returning to her two interviewers and covering her modesty.

The footage ends with her doing the ice bucket challenge.

 

 

 

I think the first thing everybody thinks with stuff like this is oh my god I’ll just flat out kill myself immediately if I have a daughter.  But if you think about it…this is kind of awesome for you?  I mean yeah your little girl apparently grew into somewhat of a slut willing to run through a crowded city butt ass naked with her boobs flopping around smiling and laughing about it.  And now everyone on the internet is staring at her naked because some blogger made a GIF of it.

 

 

 

 

But at the same time she just saved you like thousands upon thousands of dollars?   Cut down on your massive tuition bills and freed up some cap space in the family finances for a vacation or a boat or something?  That’s kind of a huge positive.  I mean once they’re grown up and out of the house they can do whatever they want I guess so long as I don’t have to keep cutting them fucking checks out of my retirement.  And hey she finished off with the #ALSIceBucketChallenge so at least she’s charitable.

 

 

 

 

 

PS – I am 99% sure this video is actually the intro to an incredible porno but I haven’t tracked down any facts to support that yet.

 

WVU QB Clint Trickett Says His First Kiss Was With Nick Saban’s Daughter

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Aug 2710:45AM EST

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My palms literally got sweaty reading that quote from Clint Trickett.   Blood pressure rising, heart beating rapidly, shallow breaths, all the bodily responses you get when you’re about to witness a real live murder.  Just hope Saban treats the body with some respect on Saturday, the family deserves a proper funeral to say goodbye.

 

But regardless I’d be lying if I said I didn’t respect the shit out of this move from Trickett.  Like the down south redneck college football version of Hit Em Up, where instead of Pac talking about fucking Biggie’s wife, it’s a West Virginia pretty boy QB telling Nick Saban he french kissed his daughter by the tire swing on the playground.  Saturday should be interesting to say the least…

 

 

 

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‘Sopranos’ Creator Finally Answers Whether Tony Soprano Died At The End Or Not

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Aug 2710:00AM EST

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VOX – Instead of giving Tony a final scene in which he is either killed or arrested — the two possible fates Tony and his fans had imagined for him — the last episode ends unexpectedly during a domestic scene with an ominous tinge. Tony, his wife, and his son, are waiting for his daughter, Meadow, to join them for dinner at a popular restaurant, while a number of suspicious characters mill around. Outside, Meadow burns rubber trying to get into a parking space and then runs across a street against the light as cars whiz by her. Inside, Tony raises his head, and — CUT TO BLACK. Millions of television sets across America went dark and silent suddenly. Is my television broken? we wondered, each in our individual homes. At THIS moment? Then the credits rolled, and all hell really broke loose. Are you kidding me? This is the end?

I had been talking with ['Sopranos' creator David] Chase for a few years when I finally asked him whether Tony was dead or alive. We were in a tiny coffee shop, when, in the middle of a low-key chat about a writing problem I was having, I popped the question. Chase startled me by turning toward me and saying with sudden, explosive anger, “Why are we talking about this?” I answered, “I’m just curious.” And then, for whatever reason, he told me.

On occasion he breaks his reserve, but makes it clear that I am not to write about anything he says that is an interpretation of his own work, since he believes that the art of entertaining is leaving the audience imagination to run wild. So when he spoke about Tony and the question, he was laconic.

Just the fact and no interpretation. He shook his head “no.” And he said simply, “No he isn’t.”

I’m not guessing. When I asked Chase about the cut to black, he said that it is about Poe’s poem “Dream Within a Dream.” “What more can I say?” he asks when I prod him to speak more, and I admire his silence. I am his audience too and he wants me to reach for his meaning. And here’s what I conclude. Though you wouldn’t know it from watching Hollywood movies, endings are by nature mysterious.

 

 

Seven years. Millions of tweets and blog posts and even some 50,000 word essays breaking down every piece of the show to decipher what happened to Tony Soprano and THIS is how you find out that everything that seemed to make sense about the ending makes no sense at all. Nevermind the several scenes of preamble in the final season seemingly designed to foreshadow the last moment of the show, the concept of death being represented by a dull roar and a cut to black or the fact that Chase himself said several times in post-Sopranos interviews that “all the clues are there” and was baffled that people didn’t get it. All that is now relatively meaningless, all because some lady named Martha somehow got him to drop the truth over a scone and some shitty diner coffee.

 

 

In a way, it’s somewhat reassuring to know that somewhere, Tony Soprano is out there even though the genius actor who played him isn’t. It’s a fictional world and one of the rare cultural artifacts we’re unlikely to ever see rebooted or recreated given the players involved and the show’s place in the pantheon of television. The full article on Chase is interesting and worth a read but, still, to find out like this, years later, dismissively, seemingly at random on a Wednesday before the final weekend of the Summer…

 

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Chick At The Astros Game Throws A Worst First Pitch For The Ages

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Aug 279:30AM EST

 

 

 

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Don’t know what it is about 2014 but it’s officially the year of the disaster first pitch.  I mean every week we’ve got a new contender not just for worst of the year, but worst of all time.  50 Cent, Miss Texas, this chick at the Astros game, seems like every few days somebody is spiking the ball into the ground farther and farther away from the plate.    Does nobody have any self awareness?  Like even an ounce of being able to judge their own abilities?  Just seems like you have to some sort of idea in your head that you can’t come anywhere close to throwing a baseball 40-60 feet when you agree to head out there and do it in front of thousands of people live and millions of people on the internet.

 

Won’t name this one the worst of all time though, still contend that the 50 Cent, John Wall, Carl Lewis were all worse.  Don’t care how hot equality is in the streets, a grown man not being able to throw a baseball is as humiliating and emasculating as it gets.

 

 

 

JXy8FOo

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Anna from Texas A&M

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Aug 279:00AM EST

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Introducing Anna from Texas A&M.  Think she might have been a smoke already back in the day.  Kind of a no brainer for a new updated gallery.

 

 

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