November 24, 2014 - November 30, 2014
This fucking guy Hoyer. I got to say, I don’t think I’ve earned more respect for anyone in the NFL this season than Brian Hoyer. Throwing for 0 touchdown games, constantly missing open receivers, underthrowing and overthrowing and throwing into the defense’s hands all over the place, yet finding ways to come out with the win. Every time he gets plastered and driven into the turf he hops right back up and takes the next snap because he knows his career is over the second he takes himself out of the game. Probably been playing every game with an entire broken rib cage and 3 concussions on top of each other. And still has the Cleveland Browns at 7-4 right in the thick of the AFC North. The Cleveland Browns! Impressive. I may love Johnny Football but I respect the hell out of Brian Hoyer. Bae just has to wait for now.
Still waiting for that Kanye Sam Smith IRL collab but this “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” x “I Am Not The Only One” mashup should work for now.
Fat acceptance is one of those very 2014 things that’s loosely tied to the idea of treating everyone with respect but, in reality, is just a way for some people to justify being lazy slobs. Which is fine if that’s what you want to do and you’re not hurting anyone, we don’t all need to grab our stomach rolls and curse God’s name when reality sets in after getting high and spending hours searching for a 6-foot party sub to eat by ourselves. But the way she talked around this fitness dude’s question and somehow made it into a case of people being too focused on “health” and “not being a drain on society” is the kind of delusion that just ruins the whole thing. Look at this poor jacked dude’s face after listening to her when he started with perfectly fine intentions of respecting her instead of viewing her as a pile of gelatinous regret:
Bottom line for us as a society should be that if you have to make up a phrase to justify why people shouldn’t be annoyed by your existence, you shouldn’t be allowed to publicly whine about it. Also if your neck and your mouth are battling it out for real estate on your body like an aggressive game of Risk, you should have to spend an hour a week walking on a treadmill. Basic rules of human decency to keep the world functioning.
The full video’s here if you want to waste 50 minutes of this holiday week contemplating terrorist acts against your local Weight Watchers. The biggest mistake on the show was that they could have used a more appropriate title card when they introduced her:
I know I told everyone in an earlier blog that I hope you had the best weekend but that was before I saw the Mississippi State bench celebration Vines.
Unless of course it turns out this one guy was actually in fact having a massive seizure, in which case his weekend stock would take a dip.
Almost positive a demon was just exorcized from this bro mid-game. Relax guy, it’s Vandy.
San Francisco Sportswriter of the Year Finalist Ann Killion Tweets “C’mon Boston College. Beat the Rapist” Before the FSU Game
SF Gate - Chronicle sports columnist Ann Killion is one of three finalists for California sportswriter of the year, an award given by the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association.
Los Angeles Times writers Chris DuFresne and Sam Farmer also are up for the award. The winner will be announced in January, the organization said.
“Ann Killion provides an honest, declarative voice in a sportswriting environment cluttered with noise,” said Al Saracevic, The Chronicle’s sports editor. “If she’s not the sportswriter of the year, I’d like to meet whoever’s better.”
Hmmm, I may have dropped out of journalism grad school to work for Barstool, but I think I still have it jotted down in my AP Style Book somewhere about the use of “alleged.” Like, if somebody has been accused of a crime, but cleared by a court of law and/or had charges dropped, you kind of have to stick “alleged” in there when referencing them as a criminal? I know, I know, it can be annoying adding to your Twitter character count like that with throwaway terms. Just think it might be important for a finalist for Sportswriter of the Year with a verified blue checkmark to follow the rules in this case before using her honest declarative voice on labeling someone a rapist that hasn’t been convicted as one.
Hope #FSUTwitter was a blast this weekend!
It’s Roundup time, LET THEM EAT CAKE!
Quick recap of the Florida State game: FSU got off to a sluggish start, felt like they were going to lose again, barely squeaked one out against an inferior opponent, and Jameis Winston disrespected an authority figure and manhandled somebody without their consent. Basically just your everyday Saturday.
“The Game” went down after a week of hype and videos and pranks, and it did not disappoint. Mostly because we got to see the Harvard kicker be the most Harvard kicker ever.
Crimson 31 Bulldogs 24.
“16 pounds of eye black was a bad choice”
Dude..you’re the punter.
Back in my day this is what they called a clean solid tackle.
And that my friends was you bearing live witness to a case of CTE in its developing stages.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from the UCLA punter, the Kansas punter could not give less of a fuck.
“Fuck this, I’m gonna be a tough guy, establish myself as a force in this ball game OH MY GOD you are a gigantic man, retreat, retreat”
Pretty solid catch. No ODB but like, pretty solid.
Tennessee celebrates fake field goal with deliberate murder of all fans in end zone.
They’re all dead.
We had a barn burner at V Tech/Wake!!
Seriously was Beamer being sarcastic here? Was this a real celebration? Does pride just not exist anymore?
Have to throw something heartwarming in here. After a tough game with Indiana, Ohio State dude has a cancer patient OSU fan over for dinner.
Just a reminder…ODB’s been doing this shit since college.
Beautiful Saturday. Not a care in the world. Great friends by your side. Fake goose in hand. Absolute beatdown of the Hurricanes. Journey on the loudspeakers. Short holiday week coming up. Life doesn’t get any better than that my friends.
My only hope for everyone was that you got drunk enough this weekend to sing Don’t Stop Believin’ at the top of your lungs into a plastic goose.
PS – Speaking of, still waiting for PETA to sue Boise State for cruel and unusual mind tricks played on the local geese population.
12 Year Old Student Reporter Tells Oregon Coach Mark Helfrich His School Only Cares About 3 Things: Jesus, Girls, and Marcus Mariota
ESPN - Oregon’s Marcus Mariota accounted for four touchdowns against Colorado on Saturday, maintaining the inside track on the Heisman Trophy and a playoff spot for the Ducks.
And while Mariota tops NFL draft boards from coast to coast — including our own Mel Kiper’s — the redshirt junior hasn’t officially announced where he will play next season.
So after the game, one industrious 12-year-old student reporter from O’Hara Catholic School in Eugene took it upon himself to get to the bottom of it. Head coach Mark Helfrich fielded the hard-ball question from sixth grader Charlie Papé.
Love Charlie Papé. Such a little boss. If Mark Helfrich and Marcus Mariota had any sense whatsoever they would call up Charlie Papé in his office at the O’Hara Catholic School newspaper and let him be the first to break the news on Mariota’s decision when he reaches it. That would be awesome. Jesus, girls, Marcus Mariota, that’s all this little baller cares about.
Oh and some 4th thing, but it didn’t seem that important.