August 18, 2014 - August 24, 2014
DID SOMEONE SAY COLLEGE FOOTBALL HYPE VIDEO???
Just made the SEC 2014 Trailer look like some B movie indie project. Also reminded me there are other teams playing from different conferences.
Jizzle, so hot right now. Album drops September 2nd and it looks like it’s gonna be a doozy.
According to the video upload, these are “10 Sex Facts About Single Men That You’ll Never Believe.” Small problem: there’s literally nothing unbelievable about any of them.
Most single guys don’t want to look in a girl’s face if she’s busted to avoid reminding themselves of their own shame and guys would want to lie around and do nothing but enjoy the view if she’s not. This makes complete sense. The guy who loves sex standing up seems EXACTLY like a dude who’d like to fuck standing up, too. Probably also claims to have tantric sex and brags about it all the time too. “Yeah the first time I only lasted for four hours but once we got to six hours straight of pleasuring my partner, I knew I’d unlocked the secret, lol.” Fuck this guy. Rating: 478% Believable
The gay capital of the United States is the place single men have the most sex? Big time shocker there. Women are the superego of the delicate balance that is interpersonal penetration, without them it’s like a game of Jenga that’s gone on for hours, just begging for the downfall of society. There have been more surprising endings to videos on ISIS’s YouTube channel than this. Rating: 1000% Believable
It’s unbelievable that it isn’t 100% until you consider that 17% of men are highly likely to turn into disgusting liars when polled for a Buzzfeed video. The other 1% of men don’t have a high-speed Internet connection so they’re just using animated flip books or, god help us, magazines. Rating: 200% Believable
Tough call here. When you’re single, you probably want to fuck a lot because you’ve got a buffet of options out there, steak for dinner one night, lobster for dinner the next, tacos the following. But when you’re single but in a relationship…all that effort getting it up for the same girl for sometimes years straight. Yeah I could see how that might skew the numbers a bit. Sometimes a guy just wants to browse YouJizz rather than have to go down on his girl with the enthusiasm of a dying gazelle at a stream while hoping he remembered to DVR Brooklyn Nine Nine. Rating: 100% Believable
This is the only one in here I don’t believe. The number should be 100%. No condoms or pulling out for the rest of your life? You kidding me? I take vitamins every day, pretty sure I could take a pill that turns my loads into tapioca pudding for that gift from the sexual health gods. Rating: 46% of Men Are Fucking Suckers
Boom, think I just stole $500,000 of Buzzfeed’s valuation for Barstool by blogging this.
Hey Barry, take notes. That’s how you President.
PS – Love sassy Laura.
Diabolical hair flip.
Also why do I get the feeling Clinton’s Ice Bucket Challenge is going to put Bilzerian to shame?
Just a bunch of bikini clad whores dumping ice water on his Presidential head while he throws $100 bills into a funnel that goes straight to the ALS research facility. At least that’s how I picture it in my head.
Lindsey Duke Went To The Beach And Brought Her Instagram Account To Make Sure You Didn’t Forget About Her
(her friend brought hers too, thank god)
Feel like with all the media firestorm around the Browns QB situation everyone is missing just how good Blake Bortles has looked. And, much more importantly, forgetting about how good his girlfriend looks in a bikini when she goes to the beach with her friends. Combine those 2 things together and you’ve got what most would consider to be the perfect combination for a sports smut blog. Never Forget Lindsey Duke, and if she keeps updating that Instagram, you never will.
If This Mullet Is Any Indication I Have A Feeling UConn’s Starting QB Is Going To Be My New Favorite College Football Player
Still looking for someone to step in and fill the void that Johnny Football left. Think this UConn bro might be up to the task? If that vicious lettuce is any indication, yes absolutely.
Thought we had a candidate with Texas headshot bro -
Until he pussied out and shaved it off like a total pussy. Enter: UConn’s Casey Cochran, singlehandedly keeping the mullet game alive in the Northeast. Flow for days. Unstoppable salad. Business in the front, party in the back, probably undefeated record on the field and AAC title.
Brian Hoyer named starter over Johnny Manziel for Cleveland Browns opener in Pittsburgh http://t.co/5JzR7z5JQe
— Mary Kay Cabot (@MaryKayCabot) August 20, 2014
CLEVELAND, Ohio — Browns coach Mike Pettine admitted Tuesday that Johnny Manziel losing his cool in Washington and flipping off the Redskins will factor into his decision on a starting quarterback.
BEREA, Ohio – Despite awful performances by both of his quarterbacks in Monday night’s loss at Washington, Browns coach Mike Pettine announced Tuesday he has chosen Brian Hoyer over Johnny Manziel to start the season opener against the Steelers Sept. 7.
Pettine’s decision came two days after Hoyer managed just one field goal in his four first-half drives – despite great field position produced by an opportunistic Browns defense.
Manziel clearly demonstrated in Washington that he’s not ready to take over the reins. He was just as bad as Hoyer in the first half, completing 2-of-7 attempts for 29 yards with no touchdowns and no interceptions and a 44.3 rating.
What’s more, Manziel flipped off the Redskins’ bench. Pettine said he’d address the gesture with Manziel, who is subject to a fine by the NFL.
BOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOO. Listen should Manziel start? Probably not. And I’m basing that on the fact that he personally said “I don’t think I’m ready to start.” I watched the Skins game just like everyone else and it’s clear that he has a LOT to work on, but it’s also clear he’s 100% self aware of that fact and knows his limitations right now. But are you kidding me with using a middle finger in the middle of a football game as your excuse? Are you that cowardly? That you can’t just come out and say that, as head football coach, you want to start Hoyer because you think he gives you a better chance to win? Like I said yesterday. The middle finger is a move used by every 12 year old and middle aged housewife stuck in traffic in the country. Young, elderly, everyone in between flips the bird. Watch any NFL football game and see each play end with at least 2 guys telling each other fuck this fuck that fuck you fuck him. But all of a sudden if you put it in finger form it means you have the worst character in the history of sports and aren’t fit to run a team. Got it. Guess it’s true what they print on t-shirts, Haters Gonna Hate.
Introducing Sydney from County College of Morris. Hump Day bitches, let’s do this!