July 21, 2014 - July 27, 2014
How about the chick in the dreads coming in hot with immediate talk about pouring soda inside of her to keep from getting pregnant? Love how she didn’t think to go with the “standing up during sex to avoid getting pregnant” as her first one to open things casually. Nah let’s just dive right into emptying 2-liters of RC Cola directly into the snizz, maybe throw in some Pop Rocks and Mentos if the guy hadn’t jerked off for a couple days. Between that and her admission that her dad had a basket — A BASKET — full of Girls Gone Wild tapes just hanging around the house, safe to say that this chick who probably loves slam poetry has lived a life.
Not mad at the video at all because it’s still interesting but would it have killed them to throw a couple smokes in just for the sake of equal time? Instead I’m stuck contemplating things like “I bet this chick would be hot if her blood didn’t consist entirely of Oreo creme filling.”
I’m a little scared to ask but what’s the guy equivalent of this video? If we’re going Family Feud style, the #1 answer has to be “You pee in a girl’s butt to get pregnant” but what else is there for guys?
For me it’s when I was really little (slash maybe until like last April) I used to think hot chicks didn’t have nipples because whenever you’d see beautiful women in ads or magazines or TV shows, they had a lot of cleavage showing but never nip in real life. Fortunately, illegal cable when I was seven years old corrected this error before it did any serious damage but in hindsight it was a real concern for a couple years there. My drawings had a lot of soul and emotional depth but lacked the anatomical correctness you’ve come to expect from a five-year-old.
Introducing Taylor from Texas Tech. Kliff Kingsbury, Taylor, could this place get any better looking?
According to its website, QuakeCon is “a free convention held annually in the Dallas, TX area. Thousands of computer gamers from all over the world make the pilgrimage to play with their friends on a giant gaming network, see the latest cool technology, and compete in world-class tournaments.” Hopefully you didn’t open this blog around your girlfriend because the description alone is enough to make her panties explode into a pile of viscous goo like that dude’s head in Scanners.
But even despite how nerdy these guys are at the most basic level, it’s shocking how poorly the M.C. handled the situation. Just genuine outrage, anger, and, if we’re being honest, I’m sensing a little bit of betrayal. QuakeCon is about family and camaraderie and celebrating crippling social anxiety disorders masked as a serious love for 20-year-old first-person shooters, not some hot shot maverick coming in and spouting the latest Internet meme to show a fellow Quakebro up. Save that recklessness for the lawless scoundrels at BronyCon.
PS hope your eyes don’t get dry in the next 10 years because this kid just depleted the Earth’s blink resources:
Tennessean – Titans rookie quarterback Zach Mettenberger was the victim of a sucker punch during an incident over the weekend at a popular Nashville nightspot, according to its owner.
Steve Ford, owner of Losers Most Wanted Bar & Grill on Division Street, said Mettenberger did nothing to provoke another bar patron, but the 6-foot-5, 224-pound quarterback ended up getting punched in the face. He did not require medical attention.
“Here’s the truth: The guy said something about ‘Roll Tide!’ to Zach, and Zach turned around and said ‘Good luck with that,’ ” Ford said on Monday. “And the guy’s buddy then sucker-punched Zach.
“I promise you that Mettenberger did not throw a punch. He didn’t do anything. The guy sucker-punched him in the eye, that’s the bottom line, and the guy that punched him started running out the door. My door guys had to chase him down.”
I fucking love Roll Tide so so much. Every story with Roll Tide in it is just the absolute best. Dudes getting arrested in massive drug stings, dudes sucker punching ex college QBs in the bar. Doesn’t matter the situation, a Bama fan is just ready to drop that line on you at a moment’s notice. A rallying cry for an entire crew of southern degenerates. Hey Mettenberger you may be in the league now and think you’re past all this shit but Roll Tide lives forever.
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AHHH! Eye bleach now!
Like when you’re watching an awesome porn of some hot chick taking it doggystyle then right as you’re about to finish they cut to the underneath shot of the dude’s balls and grundle. (Kind of a graphic example but I wanted to really drive the point home, you all know exactly what I’m talking about too). That’s exactly what this is like. Hottest coach on the planet morphing into the grossest mess. Wait did I say hottest, I meant best and most talented and most incredible leader of men, but yeah also hottest.
Connor Vanover is a 7’1 Eighth Grader with a silky jumper. The Class of 2018 Prospect has range out to the three point line and is very skilled around the basket. Vanover tips in missed shots with ease and is very mobile for a player his age and size.
Tall, lanky, goofy as hell, white, and can shoot 3 pointers? My question is do other schools even waste the paper and stamps trying to recruit him?
Hellooooooo Coach K!
Seriously that face was tailor made for Duke. 70% Singler, 30% Plumlee, 100% punchable.