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Sorority Chick’s “Senior Sendoff Letter” Goes Viral
Apr 239:30AM EST


Sorority Move


My younger sloots of [sorority redacted],

It’s me, your favorite ghost senior of the sorority. Yeah, you little bitches probably don’t even know who I am because I’m the one who doesn’t show up to shit because its pointless and when I do, I sneak out like two hours in when important people aren’t looking. Learn from my way little ones, cheating the system is how you get through life. Now, even though the majority of you bitchez don’t know who I am, you really should have gotten to know me though, I would have made your year fucking awesome. Ask [name redacted] and [name redacted], they may have some choice words and stories to tell about me.

Alright, so me being a senior, not even knowing how the fuck I made it this far in life without killing myself because I am a dumb fuck, I was told by our officers who think they rule the fucking world to leave a senior will….so I’m going to be so blunt and truthful with you sloots you will learn everything you need to know about college right here in this letter…

1. Have sex.
Have sex with as many boys as you can. Well, not exactly, check out their penis first. Dick pics are God’s gift to women. Make sure you inspect the goods before you let it penetrate you vagina. Having sex is awesome. The best thing you can do for your sex life is to learn to love sucking dick. It is one of my favorite pastimes. I could suck dick for like 7 minutes, anything after that is too long. You should have definitely made your man bust his load all in your mouth in 7 minutes. If you can’t achieve that, sorry sweetheart but you have better chances at becoming a lesbo than getting dick.

2. Swallow that load
If you are one of those “classy” ladies who don’t swallow. Go crawl into a hole with Ellen DeGeneres and learn to eat pussy, because that is what you are. Spitting is for quitters, you swallow that sweet ‘n’ salty mix like the real woman you are. Your man for the night will forever tell his bro’s about you dick sucking abilities. Oh, if you haven’t noticed by now, I love sucking dick. I crowned myself the dick sucking queen and no one is ever taking that title from me, so back the fuck off.

3. Blackout or Back the Fuck Out
If you are getting ready to hit the square or frats with your sisters you better have already been pounding some liquor by 7pm. No one ever enjoys a sober sally, she judges the fuck out of you and even though I judge everyone who is within 4 feet of me, no one can judge me. I live my life by a double standard (see number 4). It is a really great feeling to wake up hopefully in your bed, and look to your side with a confused look asking yourself “did I have sex with him?”. It has happened to me countless times, but luckily I always find my used condoms on the floor of my room so I sorta know when I have had sex. I bring home classy dudes. On several occasions, I have brought home someone from the bar and tried to introduce him to my roommates/friends and forgotten his name. Always have the upper hand, you don’t need to know his name to hop on his tic tac.

4. Live your life by a double standard
You are queen of the fucking world. You can do no wrong. You’re the only one who can fuck random’s every weekend and not be judged. You’re the shit and no one can tell you any different. You can yell at your slut roommate and tell her that her bedroom is a revolving door even though you hooked up with two different guys in two days, it could have been three but who is counting anymore? Excuses are your new best friend, not that fake fucking Yurman your sleazy ex got you because he was a two pump chump. You better start having excuses memorized like the 6-carat princess cut engagement ring your rich as fuck future boyfriend better get you in a few years you have memorized. I live my life by the absolute biggest double standard and it has gotten me so far, you young sloots better start doing the same. We need someone good to be the next A of [sorority redacted].

So, you fucking lucky little bitches have a few more years to run out mommys credit card, while crying to daddy that you have no money in your account so he slips you some cash for booze and weed. Spend that cash you don’t have on illegal drugs unless you’re one of the blessed who is already so fucked up you stumbled upon prescription drugs. If that’s the case, hit me up ;). Remember, wrap it before you tap it, no one wants the herps, and if you can, always be slightly drunk. Life will be so much better.




Annnd I’m hard.  Listen do I think this is legit and actually got circulated around a sorority?  Most likely not.  Do I think this chick wrote this and sent it in to websites to try and be the next Cunt Punt chick?  Most likely.   Doesn’t change the fact that I’m turned on as fuck and think this is an incredible outline for college girls all across America.   I mean this is just flat out poetic stuff in here that frankly needed to be said.   Learn to love sucking dick.  Take loads all up in your mouth.   Don’t swallow?  Crawl in a hole with Ellen Degeneres and learn to eat pussy.  That’s what I always say.  Be a dick sucking queen.  Get wasted constantly and fuck.  Fuck as many guys as possible then get a rich as fuck boyfriend.   That’s legitimate life advice right there.  So like I said if this sorority senior sendoff letter isn’t as real as it seems it doesn’t matter, still something to read up and take notes on.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Katherine from Arizona
Apr 239:00AM EST



Introducing Katherine from Arizona.  No matter how many schools make their way into Smokeshow of the Day, Arizona will always be right up there at the top of the list.

New EDM From Tiesto, Martin Garrix, Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike
Apr 229:00PM EST

Tonight we’ve got two new house songs, different in every possible way except that they’re both fucking amazing. On the easier listening side, Tiesto and Matthew Koma hit us with the drunk kid anthem of the century, an uplifting, melodic banger that you’re not going to be able to avoid this summer.  On the more ratchet side of things, Garrix, Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike smash us over the head with a monstrous progressive instrumental that’s sure to be played out by a parade of festival DJ’s over the next 5 months.

If you’re looking to stream more electronic goodness, browse our EDM playlist section.

Barstool U Smokeshow of the Day – Kailey from UGA
Apr 225:35PM EST



Introducing Kailey from UGA.  Dawgs in the house.  Looking forward to a lot more of these now that @UGABarstool is in business.

Smokeshow Madness Finalist #2: Hannah from Ohio State
Apr 225:00PM EST


Feel like in the past the Stoolies don’t have enough of a connection with the Smokeshow they are voting for to win the crown.   Time to fix that.  Some simple questions with the finalists.  Second up:  Hannah from Ohio State.


Age: 22 years old
Hometown:  Cleveland, Ohio
Major:  Nutrition in Industry
What do you want to be when you grow up:  I’d like to get into Product Development
Favorite sport:  Basketball
Favorite movie ever:  I don’t have a favorite movie or a favorite type of music (It’s too hard to choose! I’m not a big critic haha)
Favorite TV show ever:  I spent my entire semester watching all 8 seasons of Dexter, so you could definitely say its a good show
Best Miley Cyrus song:  Best Miley song is Party in the USA; I’m anti-Bangerz Miley but the girl’s an artist
Best non Miley Cyrus song:  I love anything and every thing by Luke Bryan
Describe your standard Friday/Saturday night:  Standard weekends are always FTG (for the girls)
Hottest celebrity guy:  would have to be Jake Gyllenhall
Hottest celebrity girl:  Blake Lively
Drink you order/Get ordered for you at the bar:  Fireball Whiskey. All day.
Favorite food:  I’m an ice cream enthusiast
Best fast food chain:  Chipotle
Who wins in fight, shark or polar bear:  A polar bear would win, no doubt.
Give up for one year – cream cheese or ketchup?:  Cream cheese. Ketchup is its own food group
Biggest turn off:  dishonesty



The fact that Hannah just flat out didn’t answer “would you date me in college” makes me so much more into her I can’t even stand it.

Considering I love Fireball, Chipotle and Jack Gyllenhall I’m pretty sure the answer is yes anyway.


Get your votes in…we announce the winner of the Smokeshow Crown and $1,000 Friday!



Jackson Breit – Coca Cola
Apr 224:30PM EST

You’re gonna want to add this one to your summer soundtrack immediately.  Jackson Breit oozes jazzy swag on his latest hit, some cool “Coca Cola” just in time for the weather heating up.

Download Coca Cola

#Barstool Blackout Philly At District N9NE Is Only 3 Days Away
Apr 224:00PM EST



















Only a few days before the Blackout Tour heads down to Philly to kick off the final weekend of the Blackout Tour.  #Barstool has seen plenty of crazy shit already this semester and theres no reason for that to stop now.  If anything this will probably end up being the wildest weekend of the semester.  ESU kids rolling down from the highlands, Jersey kids feigning to get blacked, and all the Philly fanatics should provide a nice recipe for endless mayhem.  Get your tickets now cause one they’re gone dey gone!


4/25 – District N9NE – Philadelphia, PA (TICKETS ON SALE NOW)

4/26 – Irving Plaza – New York, NY (TICKETS ON SALE NOW)


#Barstool Facebook

#Barstool Instagram

#Barstool Twitter

10th Anniversary Of Pat Tillman’s Death
Apr 223:45PM EST



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 (top 10 most vicious college flow ever)


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Couldn’t let the day go by without a mention of the 10th anniversary of Pat Tillman’s death.  Word hero gets thrown around daily in the sports world but only a select few actually deserve it.  Pat Tillman is right up there at the top.  Leaving a career where you make millions of dollars to play a game 16 Sundays a year to fly over to Afghanistan and Iraq to defend your country and literally give your life for it.  Doesn’t get any braver.   RIP.

Troy Lineman Squats 810 POUNDS
Apr 223:15PM EST




BEAST MODE.  To answer everyone’s obligatory internet questions, 1) Yes he lifts, bro and 2) No, he doesn’t skip leg day.


What’s like a normal amount to squat for a non-behemoth lineman?  200?  300?    I don’t even have an idea.   I don’t just skip leg day, I don’t even consider doing it.  Is it possible to “skip” something that never crossed your mind to ever do in the first place?

Smokesmash Matchup from Hell – Valerie from Appalachian State vs. Annie from ASU
Apr 222:30PM EST

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Valerie from App State 




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Annie from ASU 





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1 for Valerie…5 for Annie


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (742 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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