WaPo – Do you drink a glass of wine with dinner every night? That puts you in the top 30 percent of American adults in terms of per-capita alcohol consumption. If you drink two glasses, that would put you in the top 20 percent.
But in order to break into the top 10 percent of American drinkers, you would need to drink more than two bottles of wine with every dinner. And you’d still be below-average among those top 10 percenters.
The top 10 percent of American drinkers – 24 million adults over age 18 – consume, on average, 74 alcoholic drinks per week. That works out to a little more than four-and-a-half 750 ml bottles of Jack Daniels, 18 bottles of wine, or three 24-can cases of beer. In one week. Or, if you prefer, 10 drinks per day.
The Washington Post casually tweeted out this article and chart at 4PM on Christmas Day with what I presume was the intent to make everyone slugging back booze to make Christmas with their families tolerable question everything about their life choices. Real dick move. We see a lot of these types of “According to science, blah blah blah” news items come through but none of them have made me go “Wait are you fucking serious” like these findings from a book about alcohol control called Paying the Tab. The numbers here are just ridiculous…30% of people don’t drink AT ALL and then another 30% on top of that are just having one drink a week? I guess on some level I can understand the no drinks group, fear, bad experiences with alcohol for themselves or a family member, fine, there’s some logic there. But what the hell is the point of one drink a week? You’re clearly not getting drunk off of it and you don’t seem to enjoy it enough to be drinking for flavor. And when you’re drinking that little there isn’t even the “antioxidant health benefits” of drinking red wine nightly that my Grandma uses as an excuse to slug back a jug of Merlot. Just a total flip flopper thing to do. Either join the rest of us in drinking for the sole purpose of escaping the misery of our very existence or start throwing back Capri Suns and chocolate milk with the rest of the Mormons. No half measures.
For the top 10th percentile pounding over 10 drinks a day and presumably not even knowing what life is like without being completely plastered or working through a violent hangover, I salute you. You may not be able to hold down a job or family or remember what it’s like to not be leaking aggressive beer shits out of your asshole 24 hours a day but your commitment to greatness is unparalleled. A stint on or off the wagon might be something to consider though.