Barstool U - By the C - Student, for the C - Student.

Photobombing is so 2011.  The team choreographed backstroke swim and medieval jousting match is the new hotness courtesy of Cincinnati baseball.

Kendrick Lamar, Ab Soul, Schoolboy Q, and Jay Rock quadruple-team Rocko’s infamous “U.O.E.N.O.”

@NFL_RealUpdates

Some people wait for a loved one to die to get a tattoo honoring them.  Others just go with an armed robber, kidnapper, and double murderer who scored a lot of touchdowns for the Buffalo Bills.     Good shit.

(11 votes, average: 3.91 out of 5)

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News 12- Officials say a student has been charged with running a serious drug operation out of her dorm at Stony Brook University. Lola Tan, 22, of Elmhurst, is accused of having a long list of drugs in her possession, including mushrooms, marijuana and Ecstasy. Authorities say $36,000 in cash was also taken from her Lauterbur Hall dorm room. Tan is a senior who is working on a double major in psychology and economics. She was arraigned in Central Islip yesterday and is due back in court May 24.

Normally I’d mention something about how this does not look one bit like the face of a drug dealer who was caught with a bunch of illegal shit and $36,000 in cash because it’s a 22 year old Asian girl living in a Stony Brook dorm. But I’m not going to do that because it would be racist and insensitive. Plus the only explanation for this is that she’s a low ranking member of the Triad/Yakuza/Viet Cong and the last thing I need is to tied up with them.

“I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.”  -Scott Sitz

PS – Guy is a Stoolie right?  Def a huge stoolie.  You don’t look like a spitting image of Kenny Powers for a college baseball team and not fuck with the Stool.

Feast your eyes on the best friend ever

UK — A teenager was arrested by police and hauled before magistrates after giving away a friend’s virtual savings on a fantasy internet game. Keiron Belmont, 19, logged into a friend’s profile on the popular online game RuneScape and gave away her stash of virtual money following an argument. Gamer Helen Jenkins – who had spent six years saving up ‘credits’ in the medieval role-playing world – then decided to called in police. And despite the money having no value in the real world, Belmont was charged and hauled before the courts.

Prosecutor Anwen Evans told Swansea Magistrates Court: ‘He accessed her computer and logged on to the role playing fantasy game RuneScape. ‘He traded away all the credits built-up over the past six years.’ Belmont, of Swansea, admitted an offence under the Computer Misuse Act 1990 of gaining unauthorised access to a computer and making unauthorised modifications to computer material. He was given an eight-month [probation] and was ordered to pay £16 compensation by Swansea magistrates.

People still play Runescape? That game’s been around for like 10 years right? It was some super shitty, free role playing game that had worse graphics than the original GameBoy. I remember because I played it for like a day when I was 13. Pretty sure the last time I played Runescape was when I was waiting for some 6 minute porn clip to download from KaZaA. There was some ad for a game in a popup so I clicked it and downloaded it.

I know what you’re thinking. Clicking shit in KaZaA is 1000% virus city. Well normally you’d be right, but this time you’re WRONG. It was just 100 pixels of extremely boring nerdiness. My character, a dashing young knight by the name of HalfBaked210, didn’t even make it past level 7 before my Jenna Jameson locker room scene finished downloading. So guess what bro? Your friend did you a favor giving away all your internet gold. Go try to put your penis on, in, or around women like a normal 19 year old buddy. Your shackles are broken. Fly free.

Chron - The Astros released a statement late Wednesday addressing a Ch. 2 report about a Minute Maid Park food vendor bringing snowcones into a stadium restroom.

Statement from Astros President of Business Operations Reid Ryan

“The Astros were notified immediately by our partner ARAMARK of the incident involving a vendor on Monday night. We commend the swift reaction displayed by ARAMARK of terminating the employee immediately upon learning of the incident that evening. This isolated incident was a clear violation of our food safety practices and is not reflective of our standards.

“The Astros share ARAMARK’s view on the importance of food safety and will work with them to ensure that our fans have a safe and outstanding experience at Minute Maid Park. We also commend the fan for his vigilance in pointing out the inappropriate actions of the vendor. The Astros personally thanked him and advised him of the swift action taken in regard to the employee.”

This is one of those things that, I can see the other side of the argument, but personally I just don’t give a shit about, (no pun intended.)  Two distinct camps.  Are you a freak about poop germs or not?  Like the contingency of people who refuse to take their laptop or iPad into the bathroom with them when in my opinion that situation is what they were invented for in the first place.  Always worried about germs and e.coli etc. getting all over them.   I mean if you’re going to freak out about poop particles flying onto your devices how do you stop there?  What about your clothes?  Your skin?  How do you not burn your entire outfit and take a shower and change every time you take a shit at the office?  Bottom line is you can’t be anal about everything.  Just got to go with the flow sometimes and that includes turning a blind eye to the possibility of a stray dingleberry in your cherry Snocone when a man’s livelihood is at stake.

You’re selling coffee, bran muffins, you’re SURROUNDED by Snocones.  It’s entrapment.

Introducing Alyssa from MSU-Denver.  Don’t know what that is but apparently they have hard 10 smokes there?

Download B.I.G. Flume

Introducing Morgan from Farleigh Dickinson.  Our Northeast smokes day ends with an absolute Jersey knockout.  10!  10!

Need to load up on smokes!  Any school, anywhere in the country.  Names and FB links to tips@barstoolu.com